Kata

Hello everyone,

Today has proven to be a hard day. The anger I have been feeling recently has receded a bit, and today I was hit with waves of sadness.

Today I feel the loss of this love. Because yes, amidst all the alcoholic storm, there was love. Yes, yes there were a lot of problems, and yes his best qualities didn't show often. But he does have good qualities.

Love and good qualities that show themselves once in a while are not enough in light of all the bad stuff, but they were there and they did exist.

And today, it's all I can see. And it hurts.

Today I miss him and I would like nothing than be in his arms. I would love to be at home and cook together and dance in the kitchen.

I miss the man that convinced me to get over my fear of height and jump with him out of a plane flying at 18000 feet.

I miss the man who would walk with me for hours around the city.

And I'm also scared. I'm scared because to my knowledge he still hasn't found a job. And next Tuesday will be his last unemployment check. I'm scared that his situation will deteriorate, that he won't have a place to live. I'm scared because he's not ready to quit drinking. It's his decision, and it's not of my business, but I am scared of where this path will take him.

I'm in pain because I had to get out to save myself, and leave him alone on his path.

It hurts so much to see someone who love destroy himself.

Today, it just hurts.

Ariesagain

I'm sorry you hurt and that bad addictions take over and destroy good people.

Sending you a hug.

Bekindalways

Irk Kata, I wouldn't wish this kind of grief on anyone. It has been several decades for me since I broke it off with my qualifier. I still remember the pain of that time and agonize for every single one of you going through it now.

Ride it out the best you can. It is indeed hard work. Keep posting. Big hug.

Kata

Aries and beck, i'm riding it out. It's only because I'm stubborn that I haven't reach out to him. I'm using my good old trick: I convince myself that the decision of not reaching out is just for today, and that I'll reevaluate tomorrow.... And tomorrow, I'll make the same decision...


But it's just hard, so hard today.

glitterdeva

It has been almost a month since I have communicated with my soon to be ex husband. I feel what you feeling sometimes. I came upon this book today and ordered it (saw some pieces of it on instagram and just felt it was right for me):

"When you are thinking about your ex - this may alarm most people, but it is a normal thing, don't freak out. It's your brain's way of telling you that it's passion compartment is still active and that you are seeing that passion that this person once represented. It's not actually that person. This is why we struggle getting over people, because we don't understand these symbols. Let go" Dear Soul - Love after pain (Dear Soul: Love After Pain)

It's ok to feel this pain. I felt it yesterday. I went for an extra walk with my dogs and today instead of doing homework (i went back to school ), I watched a movie with my kids (something I have not done in years). Life goes on, and pain is part of it. Guess what? Today I feel better, less pain Please know that this is not forever.

glitterdeva

I don't know about you, but I have made everything possible to have no contact - changed number, blocked FB (someone told me he posted smth on FB and it was painful, so block those ppl too , cut all contact, throw away letters that he writes, disconnect his phone, so I don't know his number either. Pray and breathe