Is the money worth it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 137
Is the money worth it?
My addict ex-boyfriend owes me some money and I am not sure if there is any point requesting it back from him due to our history.
To keep you in picture, here is short summary of our relationship
- In a relationship for 2 years
- Year 1 - I finally got man I have always wanted. He had it all (or it seemed like it).
- Year 2 –growing addiction and problems with money. Financially irresponsible behaviour.
- During the second year, he relapsed 3 times (alcohol, pills and drugs).
- When he relapsed, he didn’t pay rent as he just left for a binge somewhere and didn’t come back until the money was wasted. I had no other option to pay his half of the rent (we lived together). This happened perhaps 3 times.
- When he was high on pills and alcohol, he became a baby – asking me for money and to buy him this and that and he was throwing tantrums when he got negative answers.
- He was in emergency rooms, psych ward and even homeless.
- I borrowed him most money after psychiatric ward stay as he claimed he got to the bottom and wanted to recover. I should mention that the psychiatrist kept him on some pills that made him quite slow mentally and physically, but I treated him like an adult again. I borrowed him the money and we had agreement he will return it as soon as he fixes his financial situation.
- BTW the amount I asked for was not including all the rents (it was approximately half or less of what he really owed me).
Anyway, so he gets great job back in his home country, moves and starts telling me how great people over there are and how he could improve many things in the company. He even said he might end up leading those peopleJ. I have to say his statements seemed egoistic. AND that time he wasn’t on any pills / drugs / alcohol for 1.5 months! So I was quite shocked because it wasn’t the sober man I met 2 years ago. I broke up with him because it was clear he does appreciate new people more than me and that he doesn’t want to work hard on himself in order for us to be able to get back together (the initial plan was to be each alone for six months, get help and see if we can work on the relationship again).
After I broke up with him, I reminded him the amount he should return – he asked me if he can send it half and half. It wasn’t problem.
- He promised to send the 1st half on 25 January (the day he is paid).
- I told him I need to receive the money on my acc on 29th January.
- I sent him follow up on 28 January – he forgot!!
- He tries to send the money, but he has some problem with internet banking (he changed telephone number and didn’t know how to change it to new one to be able to send the money).
- At this point, I got frustrated.
- I received the money on 5 February after having to push him to find some other way to send it and after him trying to send less than half. This was the last day I talked to him.
The second payment should have been delivered to me on 5 March – nothing. I haven’t heard from him and he didn’t even send me e-mail saying he needs to postpone the payment for other month. NOTHING.
I didn’t need the money urgently, so I just thought I am going to leave it as asking for it would only cause me more frustration while dealing with him.
However, my finances will be very tight in April due to recent move and I am trying to think of ways how and where to save up. While it occurred me that he still owes me.
It’s so unfair that I have to think where to save while he keeps quiet about returning the money he owes. What would you do?
Thank you
To keep you in picture, here is short summary of our relationship
- In a relationship for 2 years
- Year 1 - I finally got man I have always wanted. He had it all (or it seemed like it).
- Year 2 –growing addiction and problems with money. Financially irresponsible behaviour.
- During the second year, he relapsed 3 times (alcohol, pills and drugs).
- When he relapsed, he didn’t pay rent as he just left for a binge somewhere and didn’t come back until the money was wasted. I had no other option to pay his half of the rent (we lived together). This happened perhaps 3 times.
- When he was high on pills and alcohol, he became a baby – asking me for money and to buy him this and that and he was throwing tantrums when he got negative answers.
- He was in emergency rooms, psych ward and even homeless.
- I borrowed him most money after psychiatric ward stay as he claimed he got to the bottom and wanted to recover. I should mention that the psychiatrist kept him on some pills that made him quite slow mentally and physically, but I treated him like an adult again. I borrowed him the money and we had agreement he will return it as soon as he fixes his financial situation.
- BTW the amount I asked for was not including all the rents (it was approximately half or less of what he really owed me).
Anyway, so he gets great job back in his home country, moves and starts telling me how great people over there are and how he could improve many things in the company. He even said he might end up leading those peopleJ. I have to say his statements seemed egoistic. AND that time he wasn’t on any pills / drugs / alcohol for 1.5 months! So I was quite shocked because it wasn’t the sober man I met 2 years ago. I broke up with him because it was clear he does appreciate new people more than me and that he doesn’t want to work hard on himself in order for us to be able to get back together (the initial plan was to be each alone for six months, get help and see if we can work on the relationship again).
After I broke up with him, I reminded him the amount he should return – he asked me if he can send it half and half. It wasn’t problem.
- He promised to send the 1st half on 25 January (the day he is paid).
- I told him I need to receive the money on my acc on 29th January.
- I sent him follow up on 28 January – he forgot!!
- He tries to send the money, but he has some problem with internet banking (he changed telephone number and didn’t know how to change it to new one to be able to send the money).
- At this point, I got frustrated.
- I received the money on 5 February after having to push him to find some other way to send it and after him trying to send less than half. This was the last day I talked to him.
The second payment should have been delivered to me on 5 March – nothing. I haven’t heard from him and he didn’t even send me e-mail saying he needs to postpone the payment for other month. NOTHING.
I didn’t need the money urgently, so I just thought I am going to leave it as asking for it would only cause me more frustration while dealing with him.
However, my finances will be very tight in April due to recent move and I am trying to think of ways how and where to save up. While it occurred me that he still owes me.
It’s so unfair that I have to think where to save while he keeps quiet about returning the money he owes. What would you do?
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
There is an old saying which says that chances are , you will never get it unless you ask. That being said, I would ask but not count on it arriving in a timely fashion, if at all.
It's worth another try -- he did send part of what he owed, that's a good sign.
Jim
It's worth another try -- he did send part of what he owed, that's a good sign.
Jim
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: McLean VA
Posts: 93
I can honestly tell you my AB has not repaid my father ONE penny of the money he owes him. And we're talking Thousands! (not including rehab).
Sorry, but I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for any more money from him.
Good luck to you in your new found freedom! Hugs!
Sorry, but I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for any more money from him.
Good luck to you in your new found freedom! Hugs!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Since he did send some the first time, it may not hurt to ask again...without any expectations.
That said, my instinct says to tell you to just cut your losses and move on, the sooner you leave the heartache and chaos behind you, the sooner you can heal.
It's really up to you how you want to handle this, please take good care of yourself and take the path that brings you the most peace.
Hugs
That said, my instinct says to tell you to just cut your losses and move on, the sooner you leave the heartache and chaos behind you, the sooner you can heal.
It's really up to you how you want to handle this, please take good care of yourself and take the path that brings you the most peace.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i agree - take the VALUABLE lessons learned here about "lending" money to friends, family, partners, and cut your losses and move on. considering you two did not have a written, witnessed agreement it's rather surprising he paid you anything.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
