So lost
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Derby, UK
Posts: 203
I get some financial support but only because I fought to get it taken straight out of his wages. Now he's changed his job and I don't know where he's working I have to do it again. I will also get less now because he's moved in with this woman and her two year old so he is classed as supporting him which means they reduce my payments by 25% so he can support him.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 43
I'm not sure what state you live you in, but here in NC only their biological children can be used as a deduction. He shouldn't be able to use his girlfriends child to pay you less. Also here if you don't let the other patent see the child they have to take you to court each time. Apparently support and visitation is 2 didn't things.
Praying things get better for you and your daughter.
Praying things get better for you and your daughter.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by britgirl 
Thank you cloudskies. What I don't understand is how he is now seen as the hero who turned his life around and we are largely forgotten? He's wiped us from his story as if we never existed whereas in actual fact it's me that picked him up at his lowest, put a roof over his head, fed him and listened to him talk endlessly about himself and his problems before finally getting him a rehab place and literally pushing him through the door!!! He comes out the other end with a new life, new woman, new home and job and I'm left picking up the pieces of the pain and devastation he left the kids and I with.
Our daughter whose 5 has decided that she doesn't want to see him at the minute as she says it just makes her sad and he shouts a lot. I messaged him to let him know how she's feeling and all I got back was a message that was obviously meant for his mum which said "don't bother picking DD up tomorrow as d*ckhead says she can't come". After everything I've done I'm now known as the d*ckhead and his mum is defending him as if there's nothing wrong with how he treats me. I am sick to death of all of this, am drained mentally, physically and he's just fine and bloody dandy. WTH!!!!
Our daughter whose 5 has decided that she doesn't want to see him at the minute as she says it just makes her sad and he shouts a lot. I messaged him to let him know how she's feeling and all I got back was a message that was obviously meant for his mum which said "don't bother picking DD up tomorrow as d*ckhead says she can't come". After everything I've done I'm now known as the d*ckhead and his mum is defending him as if there's nothing wrong with how he treats me. I am sick to death of all of this, am drained mentally, physically and he's just fine and bloody dandy. WTH!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Derby, UK
Posts: 203
Just a quick update. I told him last night that DD has decided that she doesn't want to see him for now and why. He's says he can't understand it and that they always have a great time together. He thinks spending more time with her is the answer, I told him it definitely is not and that we have to respect her wishes and be guided by her at this point.
He said he is devastated as he knows that all her pain is caused by him and thanked me for being a good mother to her. He then offered to pay for therapy if that's what i think she needs. I'm happy that he hasn't tried to force the issue but wary of trusting his intentions all the same.
He said he is devastated as he knows that all her pain is caused by him and thanked me for being a good mother to her. He then offered to pay for therapy if that's what i think she needs. I'm happy that he hasn't tried to force the issue but wary of trusting his intentions all the same.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 250
Hi britgirl,
I'm glad you are here posting and seeking support. You've been through a lot and I hope things get better soon. After everything you've been through, it's ok to feel anger and resentment. My advice to you would be to not let that anger consume your life. You deserve the very best (and clearly you ex is not it) and your kids deserve the best of you too.
I also don't believe that he's some kind of hero like people are telling you. What kind of person abandons his own child? If I was with someone and they refused to take responsibility for their own child, that would raise a HUGE red flag for me. What does it say about his new gf that she is willing to put up with that type of behavior from him?
I also had a lot of anger and resentment at the way things turned out with my ex. The whole situation just didn't seem fair and it felt like I was paying the price for somebody else's mistake. Eventually, I decided to channel my energy into more positive and productive behaviors. I reached out to family and friends and those relationships are now stronger than ever. I started running and exercising more (and believe me, I'm no athlete) and it made me feel better. I know you have some medical issues, but would you be able to take walks in your neighborhood with your daughter?
As hard as it is, try not to think about your ex. Or better yet, think about how miserable you were with him and thank your lucky stars you're not part of that toxic relationship anymore. Take some time to heal, and yes, it does take time. But I guarantee that you will come out much stronger and wiser at the end.
Hugs
I'm glad you are here posting and seeking support. You've been through a lot and I hope things get better soon. After everything you've been through, it's ok to feel anger and resentment. My advice to you would be to not let that anger consume your life. You deserve the very best (and clearly you ex is not it) and your kids deserve the best of you too.
I also don't believe that he's some kind of hero like people are telling you. What kind of person abandons his own child? If I was with someone and they refused to take responsibility for their own child, that would raise a HUGE red flag for me. What does it say about his new gf that she is willing to put up with that type of behavior from him?
I also had a lot of anger and resentment at the way things turned out with my ex. The whole situation just didn't seem fair and it felt like I was paying the price for somebody else's mistake. Eventually, I decided to channel my energy into more positive and productive behaviors. I reached out to family and friends and those relationships are now stronger than ever. I started running and exercising more (and believe me, I'm no athlete) and it made me feel better. I know you have some medical issues, but would you be able to take walks in your neighborhood with your daughter?
As hard as it is, try not to think about your ex. Or better yet, think about how miserable you were with him and thank your lucky stars you're not part of that toxic relationship anymore. Take some time to heal, and yes, it does take time. But I guarantee that you will come out much stronger and wiser at the end.
Hugs
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: RICHMOND, va
Posts: 85
Hi, I'm so sorry for you. Addicts have very little empathy or regard for anyone else. My advice to you is sit back and wait, hero he is not. Addicts who haven't humbled themselves enough to be kind to those who have supported them through the process will fumble. Not hoping for a relapse here, but in my experience, they seem to try to put the cart before the horse and create the prefect life, for anyone looking in. They need to appear to be perfect because they feel bad about themselves and don't want to appear tarnished, not that they are willing to put in the work to "fix" relationships, let's just start new ones. Also, wondering what is wrong with the new GF with a child to meet an addict in recovery and move him in 4 months later. I wouldn't knowingly date a newly recovering addict. Seems like somethings amiss. Smoke and mirrors, house of cards or whatever you want to call it... It's an mirage.... Keep finding your strength in knowing you're a good mom doing the best you can. Love yourself!
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