Curiousity killed the cat

Old 02-18-2016, 05:20 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 104
Curiousity killed the cat

It's commonly known that addicts shouldn't date others in early recovery because they need to work on themselves forthmost..

With this being said and supported in many different places, why do I see my ex addict and his new friends from rehab all with new girlfriends from their rehab center or recovery programs? Mainly, why would someone break up with their long term relationship to "focus on themself" but then turn around and date someone new they met in rehab?

Doesn't make very much sense to me
Linzey0706 is offline  
Old 02-18-2016, 05:35 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: McLean VA
Posts: 93
I hear about this happening a lot, and all I know from seeing my AB thru many years of addiction is that they need to have someone (bf or gf) who holds them in the highest regard around them. They hate being alone/single and my guess with why rehab gfs or bfs is commonality. They relate to each other and feel they are in it (recovery or struggle) together?
Troubledsister is offline  
Old 02-18-2016, 05:44 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
It makes total sense to me. Addicts are looking for something to replace their DOC and by being in a relationship it allows them not having to focus on who they are and what a mess their lives have become.

Their lives are unmanageable so they want to share it with someone else
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 02-18-2016, 06:09 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
PuzzledHeart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
I saw this today Linzey and thought of you. Excerpt is below.

http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/02/ask-...ntrolling.html

"You also learned that when you try to babysit and "save" someone else, you're the one who ends up feeling the most exhausted, the most crazy, the most lonely. You're constantly worrying about whether he'll do the things he's supposed to do. You're consumed by his choices. You're completely distracted from your own concerns. All that matters is him. But as a result, it's very easy for you to feel incredibly unappreciated and angry. Because look at all the energy you're putting into this! Why isn't he grateful? How dare he not be grateful for all that you do for him?

Which leads us to the most important lesson of all: You've learned that when you're a parole officer, instead of expressing gratitude for your tireless work, most parolees will blame you for everything that's wrong in their lives instead. You've lost sleep and worked your ass off to save this person, and what you get in return is a big F$#@ YOU, YOU'RE THE PROBLEM. Who wouldn't be confused and upset by that?"
PuzzledHeart is offline  
Old 02-18-2016, 06:30 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
 
zoso77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Linzey0706 View Post
It's commonly known that addicts shouldn't date others in early recovery because they need to work on themselves forthmost..

With this being said and supported in many different places, why do I see my ex addict and his new friends from rehab all with new girlfriends from their rehab center or recovery programs? Mainly, why would someone break up with their long term relationship to "focus on themself" but then turn around and date someone new they met in rehab?

Doesn't make very much sense to me
It doesn't make sense because you're not looking at it from the addict's perspective.

Those in the Fellowship form very intense bonds over shared experiences rather quickly. They can relate to and with each other really well. But it's also true that the boundaries of an addict suck, so as intense as those bonds are, they really aren't at all appropriate. As much as we'd like to think otherwise, meetings can often be insalubrious.

It's a lot of work monitoring yourself and making good decisions, even for non-addicts. For addicts new to recovery, it's especially difficult. But then again, what he does really isn't really your concern. Your gig is to watch yourself.
zoso77 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:48 AM.