Just feeling sad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 46
Just feeling sad
So my "ex" addict be ended going missing in action for over 30 days which was a new behavior for him and it was a very rough thanksgiving and Christmas for me. He ended up being spotted alone skin and bones at a casino so I went to find him. I walked up and he looked horrible had lost teeth and a lot more weight and horrible track marks everywhere. He admitted to speedballing now with meth to stay up and had been staying at casino for somewhere to be all night sometimes sleeping In a family bathroom he could lock when he can't stay at a "friends" and what he had left in of clothing in bags was in an abandoned garage. I was disgusted and heartbroken to say the least. I was sad and asked him if this is the life he wanted and he was very upset and sad and wanted to leave and get help. He said he was hiding from me for all these days because he can't stop, he is compulsively using and he wanted me to be happy and not be dragged down anymore. I know I shouldn't have but I took him with me as I just couldn't leave him like that.
He detoxed for 5 days and HE decided he wanted treatment and made the phonecalls desperately trying to get in somewhere. Treatment has never worked before so this time he decide on either suboxone or methadone that he had never tried before. He was prescribed suboxone and was on it for two weeks and got into a treatment program. He sounded Great on the phone every phone call !! Positive and motivated and the treatment center was giving him suboxone daily. We talked about him. Focusing on treatment and not us and our relationship. During this time of him being at treatment all over the news was the story of a guy he was hanging out with all the time when his heroin use began and that I always new right from the start was a heroin dealer and user but he tried to have me believe this "friend" was giving him work to do. He kept saying this guy was a legitimate nice guy that was an ex alcoholic that liked to help people and give them work ect... BS!! I had confronted this guy before and after seeing his house and the constant activity there I new he was a fake and into the drug scene. Anyways the news story was about this guy being busted in a seedy hotel for high traffic to his room for heroin sales and that his room had paraphanelia all over it. The reason the news was significant is this guy has a public position and was living a double life pretty much. He has now lost his job obviously and was let out of jail but is still being charged. This was a huge deal for me to see and hurt a lot because he chose to be with this guy all the time "working" when his use escalated to IV Heroin. This guy also gave him the car he had that he would use to deal and steal stuff in. (Thankfully he got pulled over and police took the car) I wasn't going to tell him this was on the news and be like "I told you so" I was just going to let it go so he would continue treatment and not start an argument. So, all the sudden, the next day the phone calls from treatment stopped and it's now been a week that's he has left treatment and disappeared into the heroin abyss again. Turns out the guy I was talking about has a dope house where him and his wife and daughter are all on heroin. He was still able to keep a job somehow and the wife is way more visibly noticeable on drugs. The daughter is currently in ICU at the hospital due to complications from infection from heroin and her mom and dad are still dealing and using as usual. I want this man prosecuted and sent away but he will probably just get drug court while his wife continues to deal and help ruin more lives. I know this is lengthy but I just have to get it out the fact that he would rather be around this f***ed up family rather than the comfortable healthy and fun lifestyle we once had together just makes me cringe. it is never going to be easy to understand 6 1/2 years down the drain. What a nightmare this has been.
He detoxed for 5 days and HE decided he wanted treatment and made the phonecalls desperately trying to get in somewhere. Treatment has never worked before so this time he decide on either suboxone or methadone that he had never tried before. He was prescribed suboxone and was on it for two weeks and got into a treatment program. He sounded Great on the phone every phone call !! Positive and motivated and the treatment center was giving him suboxone daily. We talked about him. Focusing on treatment and not us and our relationship. During this time of him being at treatment all over the news was the story of a guy he was hanging out with all the time when his heroin use began and that I always new right from the start was a heroin dealer and user but he tried to have me believe this "friend" was giving him work to do. He kept saying this guy was a legitimate nice guy that was an ex alcoholic that liked to help people and give them work ect... BS!! I had confronted this guy before and after seeing his house and the constant activity there I new he was a fake and into the drug scene. Anyways the news story was about this guy being busted in a seedy hotel for high traffic to his room for heroin sales and that his room had paraphanelia all over it. The reason the news was significant is this guy has a public position and was living a double life pretty much. He has now lost his job obviously and was let out of jail but is still being charged. This was a huge deal for me to see and hurt a lot because he chose to be with this guy all the time "working" when his use escalated to IV Heroin. This guy also gave him the car he had that he would use to deal and steal stuff in. (Thankfully he got pulled over and police took the car) I wasn't going to tell him this was on the news and be like "I told you so" I was just going to let it go so he would continue treatment and not start an argument. So, all the sudden, the next day the phone calls from treatment stopped and it's now been a week that's he has left treatment and disappeared into the heroin abyss again. Turns out the guy I was talking about has a dope house where him and his wife and daughter are all on heroin. He was still able to keep a job somehow and the wife is way more visibly noticeable on drugs. The daughter is currently in ICU at the hospital due to complications from infection from heroin and her mom and dad are still dealing and using as usual. I want this man prosecuted and sent away but he will probably just get drug court while his wife continues to deal and help ruin more lives. I know this is lengthy but I just have to get it out the fact that he would rather be around this f***ed up family rather than the comfortable healthy and fun lifestyle we once had together just makes me cringe. it is never going to be easy to understand 6 1/2 years down the drain. What a nightmare this has been.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 124
I'm so sorry. None of it makes any sense to us. It's so maddening. We have this need to UNDERSTAND. And we never will. And yet we are also lucky that we can't. I'm sorry for your pain. So many of us are going through similar things and I hope we can find strength in that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Uncaged,
Sorry you are going through this, just know that you are not alone. Feel free to come here and rant at will.
None of us can understand it, only a fellow addict can even come close to understanding.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Sorry you are going through this, just know that you are not alone. Feel free to come here and rant at will.
None of us can understand it, only a fellow addict can even come close to understanding.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Caged, I'm sorry for what you are going through and keep your ex in my prayers. They "choose" drugs, period. Wherever they can get them and with whoever will provide them. That's what addiction does.
He's not done yet, sadly.
What you will have to decide sooner or later is...are you done?
It's a painful decision that most of us have had to make.
Take care of yourself, dear, it's a slippery slope when we try to steer them to a path they aren't willing to follow.
Hugs
He's not done yet, sadly.
What you will have to decide sooner or later is...are you done?
It's a painful decision that most of us have had to make.
Take care of yourself, dear, it's a slippery slope when we try to steer them to a path they aren't willing to follow.
Hugs
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
it is never going to be easy to understand 6 1/2 years down the drain.
It's less important to understand and more important to accept that things are what they are, even though with that acceptance comes a lot of hurt. And I'm sorry that you have to go through that hurt.
Post here as often as you need to, and we'll support you. Be safe.
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