No Contact and It Hurts...

Old 02-08-2016, 12:34 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
Unhappy No Contact and It Hurts...

Hey ya'll,

I hope everyone is having a nice start to your week. As for me, I am having a kinda down Monday...

Well it's been 2-3 weeks of no contact between me and my EXABF. Although I am feeling stronger and focusing more on myself since having no communication, today I have been having quite a heavy heart.

Here are a few things going through my mind: It hurts his family (his mom & sister who I was very close to) haven't reached out to me since the breakup. Granted, I know that's something that needed to happen as it was too painful to continue contact with them. And I know it's for the best that he hasn't texted or called but at the same time it hurts. How is he okay with not asking/seeing how I am doing or even hearing my voice? I know he's doing me a favor by not stringing me along in communication, but to think I don't cross his mind makes me sick to my stomach. And he is still on my mind so much. I feel like I am on the verge of tears. I guess the ups and downs are to be expected...

It doesn't hurt quite as much, the pain is not quite as sharp as it was a few weeks ago, but I'm feeling so sad right now. I had a good prayer this morning on my way to work, but I can't help but want him or his family to check on me. I keep telling myself it's a good thing he nor his family have contacted me as that would only re-open my wounds, but it still hurts like hell. It's just hard to wrap my head around the fact he hasn't wanted or needed to hear my voice.

Please send any positive vibes/words/thoughts about this. I would rather be sick with the flu than feel this emotional pain.

By the way, JOIE12 I stole the quote in your signature, but it is helping me to remember this.
Lolo85 is offline  
Old 02-08-2016, 01:02 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 43
I understand exactly how you feel. My XABF seemed to forget me as soon as I left our home. No texts or calls.....absolutely nothing. His family the same, this was after 5 and a half years together and his mum calling me her daughter in law most of the time although we were not married- we were all so close and then in the blink of an eye. Nothing.

It makes you feel so insignificant I know. But I also know what you have set out very clearly in your post, it is for the best.

Addiction is a family disease. I have recently learnt this and finally see exactly what is meant by that. Understandably he will be their main concern. I tell myself God knows what mayhem they are dealing with all the while I'm wondering why everyone forgot about me. Either that or the power of denial has them all in some false sense of "oh everything will be fine now he has realised this wasn't the relationship for him". I'm not sure which is worse.

It does get better. You are only a couple of weeks along. Just wanted you to know you are not alone in feeling the way you do. I'm sure you know by now how similar our stories are and what addiction does to love. Take care.
Ally89 is offline  
Old 02-08-2016, 01:30 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
Thank you so much, Ally.

I do find comfort knowing that I am not alone. I was overwhelmed with such sadness today, I just had to do something to help alleviate the pain... so I came on this forum and posted. I'm so glad I did.
Lolo85 is offline  
Old 02-08-2016, 02:24 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 124
Hi Lolo and Ally!

I'm right there with you guys. This weekend and today have been extra rough on me. I feel like I'm back at Day One...which means I'm back to where I was three months ago

Do yourself a favor and don't assume that not hearing from him means he doesn't miss you or think of you at all. His brain is scrambled now and who knows what he is thinking or feeling, maybe nothing because he is numb from drugs, but that doesn't mean you are insignificant to him. They've got the drugs to comfort and distract them. He and his family may not be reaching out because they know they are doing you a favor allowing you to move on. It would be kind of cruel of him to reach out and talk to you to meet his own selfish needs when he is just going to have to say bye and leave again and hurt you more because he is in active addiction, now wouldn't it?

Hugs to you both. It's really hard, and sometimes we take two steps forward just to end up taking two steps back again. Keep fighting the good fight!
Priscilla84 is offline  
Old 02-08-2016, 02:35 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
 
zoso77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
And he is still on my mind so much. I feel like I am on the verge of tears. I guess the ups and downs are to be expected...
Of course he's going to be on your mind. Of course it's going to hurt like hell. He's important to you, and he'll likely occupy a particular place in your heart for a long time.

This is the price we pay for being human and for having the capacity to love others.

You will get past this, in time. Who you'll be when you come out the other side of this remains to be seen. But I'm guessing you'll be wiser and stronger when all is said and done.

Hang in there.
zoso77 is offline  
Old 02-08-2016, 03:26 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 26
Oh my dear. No contact will hurt. A lot. It's hard to let go of someone you care about and love. That won't stop for awhile. My situation is a little different. I'm on Month 4 of the end of the relationship, but due to unfortunate circumstances, my no contact just started on Saturday.
Remember that you're doing this for you. Because YOU don't want and won't allow these behaviors in your life. It always helps me to remember that. That I am in control here and that his situation and choices do not dictate what I do and do not accept in my life.
Lots and lots of hugs.
Fior is offline  
Old 02-09-2016, 01:21 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Vale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
No contact is hard. Contact is harder. Goodbye, (as sad as it can be)
was not a word created without good cause. Sometimes we must clear
the debris from our lives in order to create a hospitable landing space
for the far greater and better things life has in store for us. The truth is
human beings worth a damn have an uncanny radar for avoiding bad
situations, as well as the people enmeshed by them.

Clear a path. Let life happen!
Vale is offline  
Old 02-09-2016, 01:35 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 12
I'm heading into my 4th week after the break up and haven't heard from him since last week because he saw my grandmother on tv. No hi how are you just i think i saw your grandmother on tv. My guy is in recovery from when i last left him and it hurts so much that he doesn't care about me anymore. That i am nothing to him and everything I did to help him get clean is meaningless. He said he wanted time and freedom to focus on himself but I know thats just his way of trying to not hurt me by telling that instead of I'm sober now and I don't love you. i miss him so much...
LostInSpace123 is offline  
Old 02-09-2016, 03:34 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Priscilla84 View Post
Do yourself a favor and don't assume that not hearing from him means he doesn't miss you or think of you at all. His brain is scrambled now and who knows what he is thinking or feeling, maybe nothing because he is numb from drugs, but that doesn't mean you are insignificant to him. They've got the drugs to comfort and distract them.
Thank you, Priscilla. The past few days I, too, feel as I'm back to square one, but this post in particular comforts me. I was doing so well with thinking I'm strong and moving on, then I fall on my face again. I thought I'd be feeling better since we've been broken up two months but I guess contact needed to be severed at that time as well. Oh well, on to another day of No Contact and trying to keep my head up.
Lolo85 is offline  
Old 02-09-2016, 03:37 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Fior View Post
Oh my dear. No contact will hurt. A lot. It's hard to let go of someone you care about and love. That won't stop for awhile. My situation is a little different. I'm on Month 4 of the end of the relationship, but due to unfortunate circumstances, my no contact just started on Saturday.
Remember that you're doing this for you. Because YOU don't want and won't allow these behaviors in your life. It always helps me to remember that. That I am in control here and that his situation and choices do not dictate what I do and do not accept in my life.
Lots and lots of hugs.
Thank you, Fior. I know without a doubt this is truly best and feel strongly that God is helping keep this door closed in order to protect me from future pain.

Sending hugs your way as well!
Lolo85 is offline  
Old 02-09-2016, 03:41 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Vale View Post
The truth is
human beings worth a damn have an uncanny radar for avoiding bad
situations, as well as the people enmeshed by them.

Clear a path. Let life happen!
I wish I would have avoided the relationship altogether... Isn't it awful that I knew his history but continued to pursue him? I guess my radar had rose covered glasses...
Lolo85 is offline  
Old 02-09-2016, 03:43 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by LostInSpace123 View Post
I'm heading into my 4th week after the break up and haven't heard from him since last week because he saw my grandmother on tv. No hi how are you just i think i saw your grandmother on tv. My guy is in recovery from when i last left him and it hurts so much that he doesn't care about me anymore. That i am nothing to him and everything I did to help him get clean is meaningless. He said he wanted time and freedom to focus on himself but I know thats just his way of trying to not hurt me by telling that instead of I'm sober now and I don't love you. i miss him so much...
I am so so sorry for what you're going through. You aren't alone in your heartache and grief. Thank you for sharing your story.
Lolo85 is offline  
Old 02-10-2016, 03:18 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Vale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Originally Posted by Lolo85 View Post
I wish I would have avoided the relationship altogether... Isn't it awful that I knew his history but continued to pursue him? I guess my radar had rose covered glasses...

ALL our radars had rose colored glasses on-----that's why we are here. No, you weren't 'awful'.....you were human.
Vale is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:44 AM.