someoneswife

I haven't been on here in quite some time. The day before my six year wedding anniversary I was hopeful. I was happy. I felt like things were working in our favor. The next day I found out my AH failed his mandated drug screen. A week later and he was back in rehab. All the hard work I had done went out the window the minute I left him there. I searched the house. I became paranoid with the thought that he hid pills in our house that my child could find. I am feeling more anger at him than I've ever felt. When I dropped him off one of the counsellors asked if I was proud of him. Proud of him? That was the farthest feeling from my heart. I've spent the past 3 days googling articles about when to leave your addict. Clearly I'm all over the place. I'm just feeling very isolated. I just needed a place to say that right now. My alanon meeting is Saturday morning and it can't come fast enough.

Bekindalways

Hey Someone, I'm so sorry for the reason that brought you here to post. Being "all over the place" is exactly how I would feel.

So glad to here that you have an alanon meeting. Keep posting here too!

Ann

I am sorry this happened and hope that his rehab helps him find a better path and that your meetings help you see with clarity what the right path for you will be.

Hugs

JimC60

Someone,

"When I dropped him off one of the counselors asked if I was proud of him. Proud of him? That was the farthest feeling from my heart."

I'm with you! Perhaps if he had relapsed and decided to go to rehab on his own, I would be a little proud. But your husband is in rehab because he got caught -- there is a huge difference in my mind.

In any event, I hope that he finds lasting sobriety in this rehab; and that you find serenity at Al-Anon.

Keep coming back,

Jim

CodeJob

Your feelings are valid.

I think the initial freak out is absolutely human. But you knew to reach out here and schedule an Al Anon meeting. Can you call anyone in your Saturday group? Do you need to set up counseling for yourself? I found that a good place to play out the inevitable stay vs. go tennis match in my head and my heart.

Focus on you. Peace!

teatreeoil007

Sorry for what you are going through.

Just remember "all the hard work you've done" for yourself is NOT wasted! It might FEEL like that right now, but any work you've done on yourself is never wasted.

atalose

No article or human being can tell you “when to leave your addict”. That has to come from within you, usually when the pain of staying becomes more than the fear of leaving, we make our decision.

Anger can be a good motivator for change, again, change within you.

It’s good to vent and I’m sure attending a meeting in the morning will be a big benefit.

teatreeoil007

I've gone through the "I wasted so much time, etc. blues"...meaning: kicking myself because I felt I had wasted or it was wasted or something was wasteful. And I think at the crux of feeling that way is also a feeling of being robbed. But, the enemy of the soul would like us to believe "it was such a huge waste and you were cheated"...While some of that may be true (to an extent) dwelling to much on that fact just causes us to be further robbed. So, our challenge is to just not dwell on that aspect too much. For the reality is as life happens things don't always go smoothly or as we wish or as we plan and we don't always get what we wanted from what we may have invested. So, we need to make peace with it somehow, someway. Hope this helps. I am glad this board is helpful! Hang in there. You are among friends!

Remember that even the bad experiences build character and we can come out victorious.

teatreeoil007

Big Amen!

someoneswife

Thanks for all your support! This forum definitely makes me feel less isolated.

peacelovesober

Its hard when we see the record playing over and over but can't seem to hit stop. We listen to the stories and believe every word. Its oh so frustrating to set a boundary to only have them not just cross it but sail over them.

Sounds like you have a solid boundary and even though its tough to set it will feel better to know that you have stuck to your guns so to speak.

That all over the place comes when we forget the nature of what we are dealing with. Its so unfortunate but the nature of addiction is to destroy. We feel baffled when our hopes are destroyed but that's what addiction does.

Sorry you are dealing with this. It can get better. I have faith that it will.