Boyfriend left me after Rehab
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 48
Understanding WHY something went south is part of the coping process. Anyone can say; get enough sleep; take long walks; sip herbal tea; think positively and let go and detach. SEEMS to me the whole point of this forum is for poor saps like myself who have been wronged by an addict to try and figure out why. And if you can't figure out why, at least take solace in people who have had similar experiences. What am I missing here?
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by AnonWife 
Im sorry if I made confusion. Recently some of us were discussing our addicts, loved ones, treatments and various things and there were a couple reminders from the moderators with the limitations of this forum. Ive been trying to keep it in mind when I post not to deviate from the intent too far. The description says
Discuss coping tools, and learn basic recovery techniques for you, not the addict.
I assumed when you asked why people dont talk about addict behaviors, or begin speculating too far on what is going on with the other side its becauase we are supposed to focus more on how we cope, how we recover and tools we use for our healing.
Im not certain I have it right but this was my understanding. I didnt know this until it was noted by the mods. Sorry if my comment was confusing.
Discuss coping tools, and learn basic recovery techniques for you, not the addict.
I assumed when you asked why people dont talk about addict behaviors, or begin speculating too far on what is going on with the other side its becauase we are supposed to focus more on how we cope, how we recover and tools we use for our healing.
Im not certain I have it right but this was my understanding. I didnt know this until it was noted by the mods. Sorry if my comment was confusing.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Valdosta
Posts: 35
Understanding WHY something went south is part of the coping process. Anyone can say; get enough sleep; take long walks; sip herbal tea; think positively and let go and detach. SEEMS to me the whole point of this forum is for poor saps like myself who have been wronged by an addict to try and figure out why. And if you can't figure out why, at least take solace in people who have had similar experiences. What am I missing here?
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,004
Originally Posted by Linzey0706
Arggg my head knows that but my heart doesn't believe it... Just caught between wanting some closure and hoping I'm strong enough for it when the time comes, if it ever does.. I also feel so selfish wanting an apology because I know that's not what his biggest concern is or should be, he needs to be healthy but I wish it was healthy and happy with ME
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 117
Originally Posted by Linzey0706
Arggg my head knows that but my heart doesn't believe it... Just caught between wanting some closure and hoping I'm strong enough for it when the time comes, if it ever does.. I also feel so selfish wanting an apology because I know that's not what his biggest concern is or should be, he needs to be healthy but I wish it was healthy and happy with ME
Big hugs to you!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 137
Hi Linzey, I currently went through were similar situation. In past 8 months, by boyfriend relapsed 3 times. My life became hell.
It's hard to let go, but it's for the best. Do yourself this favour.
In my case my bf relapsed in following order:
1. Relapse for a month and quit cold turkey. Promising this was one time thing.
2. Within two months massive relapse where I was worried he overdoses, he tried to kill himself. This was followed by me kicking him out of house. His reaction was to get massive amounts of pills and methadone! Enjoy one "last" night and go psych ward. He was there for 14 days, got prescription pills and seemed normal. I let him back home where he was doing well (including gym) for a month.
3. After that he relapsed and went living as homeless. I thought I will only get to hear of him when he dies. Constant worry where he sleeps, is he ok, etc. I wish I would have broken up with him time ago.
Now he moved to different country and has great job. He wanted me back but I am way too scared and I took my chance to be alone and continue my life without being paranoid.
I hope this helps you to be happy what you have now. I know it's hard to believe it after so many years and just let it go. Take care and stay strong
It's hard to let go, but it's for the best. Do yourself this favour.
In my case my bf relapsed in following order:
1. Relapse for a month and quit cold turkey. Promising this was one time thing.
2. Within two months massive relapse where I was worried he overdoses, he tried to kill himself. This was followed by me kicking him out of house. His reaction was to get massive amounts of pills and methadone! Enjoy one "last" night and go psych ward. He was there for 14 days, got prescription pills and seemed normal. I let him back home where he was doing well (including gym) for a month.
3. After that he relapsed and went living as homeless. I thought I will only get to hear of him when he dies. Constant worry where he sleeps, is he ok, etc. I wish I would have broken up with him time ago.
Now he moved to different country and has great job. He wanted me back but I am way too scared and I took my chance to be alone and continue my life without being paranoid.
I hope this helps you to be happy what you have now. I know it's hard to believe it after so many years and just let it go. Take care and stay strong
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by zoso77
OK. He comes back. You're elated. What happens next? In all probability, the following.
He starts becoming distant. You wonder what's going on. He says nothing. Then he starts not calling. Or he doesn't come home. You get worried and scared and call him out. You ask if he's using again. He denies it. But his eyeballs are pinned. Or maybe he's been drinking. And before you know it, you're right back to where you were.
Qualitatively speaking, most opiate addicts don't achieve recovery. You'll find enough anecdotal evidence here that supports that statement. So this raises some uncomfortable questions. Like what's worse: saying goodbye once and for all, or getting back together with him and going through the same ordeal again.
It is never easy to say goodbye to someone we love, Linzey It f*cking sucks, to tell you the truth. But sometimes in order for us to be well and steady, we don't have a choice. By seeking us out and posting, you were likely in a place where you were neither well nor steady. But you want to be, which is why you're soliciting feedback on how to get there.
Sometimes to get to a place where we need to be, we have to make some difficult choices, ones we don't want to make. Keep that in mind going forward.
He starts becoming distant. You wonder what's going on. He says nothing. Then he starts not calling. Or he doesn't come home. You get worried and scared and call him out. You ask if he's using again. He denies it. But his eyeballs are pinned. Or maybe he's been drinking. And before you know it, you're right back to where you were.
Qualitatively speaking, most opiate addicts don't achieve recovery. You'll find enough anecdotal evidence here that supports that statement. So this raises some uncomfortable questions. Like what's worse: saying goodbye once and for all, or getting back together with him and going through the same ordeal again.
It is never easy to say goodbye to someone we love, Linzey It f*cking sucks, to tell you the truth. But sometimes in order for us to be well and steady, we don't have a choice. By seeking us out and posting, you were likely in a place where you were neither well nor steady. But you want to be, which is why you're soliciting feedback on how to get there.
Sometimes to get to a place where we need to be, we have to make some difficult choices, ones we don't want to make. Keep that in mind going forward.
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