New here: Trying to let go and move on
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
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New here: Trying to let go and move on
Hello there,
I'm new to this forum although I've been reading through multiple threads to help me get through a really rough breakup. My ex has gone back to using and selling meth and it's still so difficult for me to swallow. I really need to talk to other people who have gone through similar experiences and can help assure me I won't feel quite as much pain with time passing on. I'm heartbroken and know it's for the best that we are not together and to not communicate, but I can't help but cry daily. I dream about him and his family multiple times a week. I just want the pain to go away. I pray and try to keep myself busy but I'm just so very sad. I miss my best friend and it hurts so bad to know he is gone.
He left me at the end of November because he knew he was going back to the dope life. He was forth coming with me about using and dealing and said he was addicted to the lifestyle. We stopped talking about a month then picked back up talking when he texted saying he got his motorcycle running and wanted me to go on a ride. Despite knowing it was a mistake, I met him two weekends in a row to go riding with him. Anyway when I saw firsthand what the lifestyle was about, I realized it was best if I don't see him. I knew I was living in a fantasy to think things would go back like they were before. One of our last times together I asked when will it stop hurting and his response was "when you tell me to leave you alone or when you decide you want to be back in a relationship with me." I knew then that we were going to have to stop talking. So about two weeks ago, I told him I have to move on because we are going down two different roads. I was honest and told him I want a man who will stand by me and be stable as that's what I want in a partner, I want a family. He was upset but said I deserve that and I will find that one day. He packed the last bit of his things he had left and that was so hard to know he won't have any reason to come back.
Honestly, I think he wanted to do dope, sell, and have a loyal girl on the side. I mean who wouldn't want to have their cake and eat it too? But in the end he said he understood and said he will stop talking to me/leave me alone from now on and when I asked why, he responded with "because I'm hurting you." He was right and I know deep down that contact needed to be cut and I do appreciate he is respecting the fact I need that. I'm also aware it's easy for him to cut off contact bc he has the dope to mask his emotions. But the truth is I'm still mourning over not hearing from him. I'm glad he's the one who is cutting off contact because I just don't feel strong enough. We didn't really end on bad terms, it was just we realize we want different things out of life. We wanted a life with each other as we love/care for each other but we would only make ourselves miserable if we stayed in a relationship. He's not ready to quit running drugs or using and I don't want a man who is going to be in that lifestyle. It's only heartache and constant worry. We both know if we continued in a relationship, it would end badly with one of us hurting the other.
I guess what I need some help with is coping with the fact our friendship is over and the man I grew to love and have as my best friend is no longer. I miss our friendship more than the relationship because we were friends for so long before getting into a relationship. I feel like I'm grieving a death. Contact has been cut with his whole family and that's been so difficult since we were involved for almost 2 years and I talked to his mom daily.
The pain comes and goes but lately it's been worse, perhaps because of the long weekend and cold weather. I know we can't ever be together because that trust is gone and a person shouldn't have to constantly worry or have anxiety over what their significant other is doing. But i can't help these strong emotions I have for him, I just want them gone.
I've read some wonderful posts on here and really could use the support. I'm upset with myself for knowingly getting involved with a person who had previous addictions and thinking a new start would be what they needed. I do believe he wanted a new start but when things got stressful, he went back to what he knows and what's "easy." He once told me "it's so hard being an angel, but it's easy being bad."
Please any encouraging words or thoughts could you share. I have cried daily since the end of November and just want to feel better.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
I'm new to this forum although I've been reading through multiple threads to help me get through a really rough breakup. My ex has gone back to using and selling meth and it's still so difficult for me to swallow. I really need to talk to other people who have gone through similar experiences and can help assure me I won't feel quite as much pain with time passing on. I'm heartbroken and know it's for the best that we are not together and to not communicate, but I can't help but cry daily. I dream about him and his family multiple times a week. I just want the pain to go away. I pray and try to keep myself busy but I'm just so very sad. I miss my best friend and it hurts so bad to know he is gone.
He left me at the end of November because he knew he was going back to the dope life. He was forth coming with me about using and dealing and said he was addicted to the lifestyle. We stopped talking about a month then picked back up talking when he texted saying he got his motorcycle running and wanted me to go on a ride. Despite knowing it was a mistake, I met him two weekends in a row to go riding with him. Anyway when I saw firsthand what the lifestyle was about, I realized it was best if I don't see him. I knew I was living in a fantasy to think things would go back like they were before. One of our last times together I asked when will it stop hurting and his response was "when you tell me to leave you alone or when you decide you want to be back in a relationship with me." I knew then that we were going to have to stop talking. So about two weeks ago, I told him I have to move on because we are going down two different roads. I was honest and told him I want a man who will stand by me and be stable as that's what I want in a partner, I want a family. He was upset but said I deserve that and I will find that one day. He packed the last bit of his things he had left and that was so hard to know he won't have any reason to come back.
Honestly, I think he wanted to do dope, sell, and have a loyal girl on the side. I mean who wouldn't want to have their cake and eat it too? But in the end he said he understood and said he will stop talking to me/leave me alone from now on and when I asked why, he responded with "because I'm hurting you." He was right and I know deep down that contact needed to be cut and I do appreciate he is respecting the fact I need that. I'm also aware it's easy for him to cut off contact bc he has the dope to mask his emotions. But the truth is I'm still mourning over not hearing from him. I'm glad he's the one who is cutting off contact because I just don't feel strong enough. We didn't really end on bad terms, it was just we realize we want different things out of life. We wanted a life with each other as we love/care for each other but we would only make ourselves miserable if we stayed in a relationship. He's not ready to quit running drugs or using and I don't want a man who is going to be in that lifestyle. It's only heartache and constant worry. We both know if we continued in a relationship, it would end badly with one of us hurting the other.
I guess what I need some help with is coping with the fact our friendship is over and the man I grew to love and have as my best friend is no longer. I miss our friendship more than the relationship because we were friends for so long before getting into a relationship. I feel like I'm grieving a death. Contact has been cut with his whole family and that's been so difficult since we were involved for almost 2 years and I talked to his mom daily.
The pain comes and goes but lately it's been worse, perhaps because of the long weekend and cold weather. I know we can't ever be together because that trust is gone and a person shouldn't have to constantly worry or have anxiety over what their significant other is doing. But i can't help these strong emotions I have for him, I just want them gone.
I've read some wonderful posts on here and really could use the support. I'm upset with myself for knowingly getting involved with a person who had previous addictions and thinking a new start would be what they needed. I do believe he wanted a new start but when things got stressful, he went back to what he knows and what's "easy." He once told me "it's so hard being an angel, but it's easy being bad."
Please any encouraging words or thoughts could you share. I have cried daily since the end of November and just want to feel better.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
I understand to well and am so very sorry that you are going through this....
My husband's drug of choice is also meth. He's 52. It was my second marriage (almost 3 years now) and he had a decade plus of not using.
Then he relapsed, a year into our marriage. He was caught...a few weeks later and went to rehab.
Two years later, on vacation, after feeling disconnected; being treated poorly and my attempts to sort things out I left to a friends (she lived where we were vacationing). He promptly contacted escorts, scored meth and relapsed for the remainder of the 10 days left on our vacay. Lovely.
What I found out. He was a great date, when sober, for the 3 years until we married. We had loads of fun. He was a hard worker and we had much in common. I was "the girl he had prayed for all of his life."
Married....he was emotionally immature; selfish; reactive; and became addicted to working in between relapses. We had fun in between work; migraines (they came on when he married); and relapses.
Basically, it hurt like heck to have someone toss a marriage away. This was in November as well. We came home; seperated and he filed for a divorce in Dec. He's angry at me for leaving (I apologized) and he has yet to apologize.
What I am saying is these "lifestyle" choices that your partner has made is selfish; emotionally immature and not partnership material. Motorcycle riding is fun and fantasy land but living, breathing, day in day out with an addict....is far from fantasy land.
The pain has subsided over time. I am getting MY life together (bills, job, health eating, church). I am reading; logging onto message boards for support; in counseling; and getting support from friends.
Loss is loss even if they are not healthy. The pain is still there. The hope (very very small) is still there. All of this is normal. Don't judge it but move through it.
My husband's drug of choice is also meth. He's 52. It was my second marriage (almost 3 years now) and he had a decade plus of not using.
Then he relapsed, a year into our marriage. He was caught...a few weeks later and went to rehab.
Two years later, on vacation, after feeling disconnected; being treated poorly and my attempts to sort things out I left to a friends (she lived where we were vacationing). He promptly contacted escorts, scored meth and relapsed for the remainder of the 10 days left on our vacay. Lovely.
What I found out. He was a great date, when sober, for the 3 years until we married. We had loads of fun. He was a hard worker and we had much in common. I was "the girl he had prayed for all of his life."
Married....he was emotionally immature; selfish; reactive; and became addicted to working in between relapses. We had fun in between work; migraines (they came on when he married); and relapses.
Basically, it hurt like heck to have someone toss a marriage away. This was in November as well. We came home; seperated and he filed for a divorce in Dec. He's angry at me for leaving (I apologized) and he has yet to apologize.
What I am saying is these "lifestyle" choices that your partner has made is selfish; emotionally immature and not partnership material. Motorcycle riding is fun and fantasy land but living, breathing, day in day out with an addict....is far from fantasy land.
The pain has subsided over time. I am getting MY life together (bills, job, health eating, church). I am reading; logging onto message boards for support; in counseling; and getting support from friends.
Loss is loss even if they are not healthy. The pain is still there. The hope (very very small) is still there. All of this is normal. Don't judge it but move through it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
I completely agree with you. The hardest thing to do was tell him I need to move on, but I am trying hard to think what I want in my life long-term and I don't want to be in a relationship with a drug addict or dealer. I don't want to look back on the next few years with regret and I will if I stayed with him. It hurts very badly now but I know if I rode with him through this, then the pain would be so much greater and drawn out. The bottom line is I just miss the him before he went back to the dope life. And I know he's not coming back so I need to get through this really painful time. I just want the healing process to speed up because I feel pitiful right now. I'm ready to have no more tears to cry.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Lolo...
Welcome to the Board. I'm thankful that you've gone from reading posts to making the effort to post yourself. As this is a Sunday, traffic will be a bit on the lighter side here. So I'd like to offer some of my own thoughts until our members get around to posting their own.
Txhelp speaks truth in her response to you. It is normal and natural to mourn the loss of someone we love. No matter how toxic your AXBF's presence was in your life, he was important to you all the same. And by removing himself from your life, he's given you an opportunity to move forward.
Healing from something like this can be a weird, long process. A lot of times we know intellectually we've better off without someone. But the heart still often bleeds. That's what you're facing. The deal that you have to cut with yourself is accepting this is going to be a long process of indeterminate length. And during this period, you need to do things to take care of yourself, even if you don't particularly feel like it. There will be days that you don't feel like it. So accept what you're feeling, and do your best.
The good news is you will survive this. The better news is at some point, you'll develop an appreciation of what's important to you when it comes to a boyfriend, or spouse, or life partner. And with that appreciation, you'll (hopefully) stay clear of people like your ex...by which I mean people who only think about themselves, their desires, their needs, and, BTW, f*ck the consequences to others. People like that can do us a lot of harm if we allow them the chance.
Anyways...this is getting long. There are no shortcuts with this, Lolo. You're going to have to ride this out, and I can assure you that you'll continue to have days that will suck. But then, in time, one good day turns into two...two good days turn into three...and before you know it, you're on the mend. This will happen. In time. In the meantime, we're here to support you.
Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.
Welcome to the Board. I'm thankful that you've gone from reading posts to making the effort to post yourself. As this is a Sunday, traffic will be a bit on the lighter side here. So I'd like to offer some of my own thoughts until our members get around to posting their own.
Txhelp speaks truth in her response to you. It is normal and natural to mourn the loss of someone we love. No matter how toxic your AXBF's presence was in your life, he was important to you all the same. And by removing himself from your life, he's given you an opportunity to move forward.
Healing from something like this can be a weird, long process. A lot of times we know intellectually we've better off without someone. But the heart still often bleeds. That's what you're facing. The deal that you have to cut with yourself is accepting this is going to be a long process of indeterminate length. And during this period, you need to do things to take care of yourself, even if you don't particularly feel like it. There will be days that you don't feel like it. So accept what you're feeling, and do your best.
The good news is you will survive this. The better news is at some point, you'll develop an appreciation of what's important to you when it comes to a boyfriend, or spouse, or life partner. And with that appreciation, you'll (hopefully) stay clear of people like your ex...by which I mean people who only think about themselves, their desires, their needs, and, BTW, f*ck the consequences to others. People like that can do us a lot of harm if we allow them the chance.
Anyways...this is getting long. There are no shortcuts with this, Lolo. You're going to have to ride this out, and I can assure you that you'll continue to have days that will suck. But then, in time, one good day turns into two...two good days turn into three...and before you know it, you're on the mend. This will happen. In time. In the meantime, we're here to support you.
Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
for me, there was no life with a heroin addict .
Your strength will come. You need to mourn the loss while reminding yourself that you have a whole life waiting for you. No communication is the only way to move beyond this. We become addicted to the addict. They are wild and funny and sweet and also cruel, manipulative, mean, selfish, narcissistic ... it's not easy. He has done you a favor and I'm proud of you for being able to make a tough decision.
Take time Lolo ... I always figure it takes me twice the time to move past something than the amount of time I was involved.
Best to you and please keep coming back
Hugs, Joie
Your strength will come. You need to mourn the loss while reminding yourself that you have a whole life waiting for you. No communication is the only way to move beyond this. We become addicted to the addict. They are wild and funny and sweet and also cruel, manipulative, mean, selfish, narcissistic ... it's not easy. He has done you a favor and I'm proud of you for being able to make a tough decision.
Take time Lolo ... I always figure it takes me twice the time to move past something than the amount of time I was involved.
Best to you and please keep coming back
Hugs, Joie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
Thank you to the both of you for taking the time to respond with sincere and thoughtful posts. I'm just wanting to be to the point where I can "let go and let God" but I'm not sure I know how to do that. I thought I'd be further along in the grief process by now since everything started right after thanksgiving but I suppose spending time with him and opening communication back up, gave me a false sense of hope for our future. Everyone says cutting communication is what's best. Do you find that to be true even if we were friends before being in a relationship?
I feel as though the carpet was yanked from under my feet. I don't understand how a 30 year old man who has so much potential to succeed and do right could go right back to that lifestyle so easily.
I feel as though the carpet was yanked from under my feet. I don't understand how a 30 year old man who has so much potential to succeed and do right could go right back to that lifestyle so easily.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
have you thought about attending a meeting in your area ? Alanon, CoDA, Naranon ?
there is also a great book or you can listen to it on CD - CoDependent No More by Melody Beattie. I enjoy it on CD, like having someone talking directly to me.
Mourning comes at it's own pace. Focus on one thing each day .. something that you are hesitant to do. Something new. Something you fear.
It strengthens your spirit. Go for a walk. Different path ... stare life straight in the face. Communication is a downfall. It brings hope as you say. It's familiar and we want what we had. Unfortunately, that may have been more a product of our wishful thinking than facing the cold reality.
I spent 3 years trying to save him. I thought I could love him enough to make him want to 'live'. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Now I have no room in my life for anyone who is using or drinking to excess, etc. If they do not bring to the table - good things and responsibility - I remove them from my days. It's simple when you have been thru hell. I find little recording on my phone of when he could not breathe or was grogged out, it reminds me when I 'forget' how bad it was. The fear. Please give yourself time ... and keep reading here.
We are with you, you are not alone
Hugs
Joie
there is also a great book or you can listen to it on CD - CoDependent No More by Melody Beattie. I enjoy it on CD, like having someone talking directly to me.
Mourning comes at it's own pace. Focus on one thing each day .. something that you are hesitant to do. Something new. Something you fear.
It strengthens your spirit. Go for a walk. Different path ... stare life straight in the face. Communication is a downfall. It brings hope as you say. It's familiar and we want what we had. Unfortunately, that may have been more a product of our wishful thinking than facing the cold reality.
I spent 3 years trying to save him. I thought I could love him enough to make him want to 'live'. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Now I have no room in my life for anyone who is using or drinking to excess, etc. If they do not bring to the table - good things and responsibility - I remove them from my days. It's simple when you have been thru hell. I find little recording on my phone of when he could not breathe or was grogged out, it reminds me when I 'forget' how bad it was. The fear. Please give yourself time ... and keep reading here.
We are with you, you are not alone
Hugs
Joie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by JOIE12 
Communication is a downfall. It brings hope as you say. It's familiar and we want what we had. Unfortunately, that may have been more a product of our wishful thinking than facing the cold reality.
I'm also upset with myself for getting involved with a person who I knew had substance abuse issues including incarcerations due to it. I went into it thinking I won't get attached because I know his history and it can't go any further. Well, what started out as friends turned into more over the months and all my boundaries went out the window. I'm just kicking myself now with what I already knew was to come. It's pretty screwed up to know the stove is hot but you go put your hand on the eye "just to see what happens." That's how I feel anyway...
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
I am so sorry for your hurt and loss. I know how it feels and how hard it can be to finally stop feeling so bad. It's like you are grieving a double loss: that of best friend and lover. For me, there have been times when I'm going through something like this I just wish I didn't FEEL so much and I try to harden my heart in order to get through life and just be functional. I can totally see why/how people harden their hearts. BUT, I don't want to go through life with a hard heart either. So, what to do? I don't have all the answers but if depression sinks in you may need some help with that until you are healed. Glad you are coming here and able to write about it. That's helpful and there are many who will divide your sorrow.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
Thank you, teatree. You are so right about it being a double loss, I never thought of it that way. What brings me to tears is how I miss him being my friend more than anything. How will I know if this turns into depression?
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Delray Beach, Florida
Posts: 215
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Do you have family close to you other than his mom? You made the right decision. You deserve a beautiful life without the chaos. You should be proud of yourself for wanting more for yourself. Hugs to you
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I'm sorry you're going through this...but I want to be sure to tell you how very much I admire your strength and resolve. You know what you want and that inner integrity will see you through.
Time seems like the enemy right now, but in fact, it will be your friend. There will come a day when you look back and be very thankful and proud of yourself for ending this relationship. No contact is best...seems like moderation doesn't work for so many destructive things!
You will get through this.
Time seems like the enemy right now, but in fact, it will be your friend. There will come a day when you look back and be very thankful and proud of yourself for ending this relationship. No contact is best...seems like moderation doesn't work for so many destructive things!
You will get through this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
Thank you both so much for your words of comfort.
I don't have any family that live nearby (they are all back home in Louisiana and I am in upstate South Carolina) but I have a lot of friends and coworkers who have been there for me and know what I'm going through right now.
For some reason the past couple of days have been so much harder for me to get through and I find myself crying more times than not. I'm sure a lot has to do with the snow and being stuck not really able to drive but I have attempted to get out the house to walk my dog and go on a hike with some friends. My anxiety seems so high as of late (which has resulted in me going to the doctor and being prescribed Ativan but I don't want to have to rely on that to get through the day.)
I don't feel strong at all right now, in fact I feel so emotionally drained and weak. If I could sleep the day away I would but my anxiety keeps me awake in my mind constantly wondering. Even though I made the decision to move on, I am having a really difficult time letting go.
I don't have any family that live nearby (they are all back home in Louisiana and I am in upstate South Carolina) but I have a lot of friends and coworkers who have been there for me and know what I'm going through right now.
For some reason the past couple of days have been so much harder for me to get through and I find myself crying more times than not. I'm sure a lot has to do with the snow and being stuck not really able to drive but I have attempted to get out the house to walk my dog and go on a hike with some friends. My anxiety seems so high as of late (which has resulted in me going to the doctor and being prescribed Ativan but I don't want to have to rely on that to get through the day.)
I don't feel strong at all right now, in fact I feel so emotionally drained and weak. If I could sleep the day away I would but my anxiety keeps me awake in my mind constantly wondering. Even though I made the decision to move on, I am having a really difficult time letting go.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 117
Someone said to me recently, you know when you are a little child and your mother says "don't touch the stove and you touch it anyways?" You get burned and for the most part, you never touch the hot stove on purpose again. Well, dealing with an active addict, you keep touching the hot stove and guess what the result is?
That comment seems to comfort me and I hope it brings you some as well.
Sending you big hugs, and remember one day at a time.
That comment seems to comfort me and I hope it brings you some as well.
Sending you big hugs, and remember one day at a time.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 232
I am so sorry you are going through this. I really relate. I was with my crack addicted boyfriend for a year and seven months. I loved him, but the situation was so very painful. I too berated myself, thought I should have known what I was getting into--he already had the problem when we met. I try not to berate myself now.
I too became anxious, depressed, and wracked with conflict and cried almost as much as when a parent died. It was awful. The only way I got through it was to keep walking. It really does get better with time. There is going to be a day when you wake up and say, "Thank God it is OVER." I think you will feel peace and a new zeal to live life again--and an inner security from knowing you took care of yourself.
No contact for me is best. For a while, it was about not giving either of us false hope. Now I realize dealing with that whole situation would simply be terribly unhealthy for me.
I too became anxious, depressed, and wracked with conflict and cried almost as much as when a parent died. It was awful. The only way I got through it was to keep walking. It really does get better with time. There is going to be a day when you wake up and say, "Thank God it is OVER." I think you will feel peace and a new zeal to live life again--and an inner security from knowing you took care of yourself.
No contact for me is best. For a while, it was about not giving either of us false hope. Now I realize dealing with that whole situation would simply be terribly unhealthy for me.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by Lolo85
Thank you, teatree. You are so right about it being a double loss, I never thought of it that way. What brings me to tears is how I miss him being my friend more than anything. How will I know if this turns into depression?
I'm going to suggest that what may hurt the most is how he would choose his lifestyle over you. Yes, it sounds like he loved you and would maybe try to give it another shot...but you both found out it just wouldn't work and he wasn't willing to give up drugs and the lifestyle. That hurts. That's the reality. But it DOES feel like a huge rejection. But, it's better to be rejected NOW than to continue on in a co-dependent relationship.
Depression: Because we harden our hearts sometimes to cope with life and function we could put our true feelings on the back burner and stuff them which is ultimately not healthy. The feelings will come out sooner or later somehow. Many feelings can turn into big depression: hurt, anger, heartbreak, feeling cheated, feeling powerless, etc. The longer we stuff our feelings and hold them in I think the greater the risk of crashing and burning later on; at least that has how it has gone with me sometimes. Certainly, better to deal with all the feelings as they come up and allow yourself to feel them. It will take some time, but it should get better...I think it's normal/natural to have some depression with what you're going through right now, but if it persists I would be getting some help for it. I remember the first time I had major depression one of the biggest signs was crying everyday....Take care and hang in there...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 23
Wow…
So much support from people who have never met me before, yet care enough to put thoughtful words on here for encouragement and hope. I really needed this today of all days because he did text me out of the blue giving me his new number. Although I appreciate him still thinking enough to give me his number, I feel like it made me take a step backwards in giving me that little crumb of hope. Isn't that ridiculous? I saved his number into my phone at first and then talking to a friend she asked me what was the point? Why keep his number when he doesn't add anything positive to your life? I guess even though I know we will never be together again, part of me still has trouble entirely letting him go. That same friend suggested I tell him to lose my number but honestly I don't think I can bring myself to do that. All communication is cut out except every few weeks he will text his new number, which only confirms (to me) the lifestyle he has chosen. I do feel his reason for updating me his new number is more out of courtesy rather than to play head games.
I really try to be as honest and open as I can with y'all as I feel I won't learn from this otherwise. I'm embarrassed to have to share with you this but maybe you can shed some light on him texting me his new number. I did end up deleting his number as I know I won't need to reach out and contact him but I really don't think I'm strong enough to tell him to lose my number. Do you think that is necessary? I want to grow from this, not make the same mistake in the future.
I also want to personally thank each one of you for taking your time to comfort me and share your own personal experiences. You give me hope that peace is in my future. This is a wonderful website and I'm thankful to have come across it. I hope you know how much you lifted my spirits this evening.
So much support from people who have never met me before, yet care enough to put thoughtful words on here for encouragement and hope. I really needed this today of all days because he did text me out of the blue giving me his new number. Although I appreciate him still thinking enough to give me his number, I feel like it made me take a step backwards in giving me that little crumb of hope. Isn't that ridiculous? I saved his number into my phone at first and then talking to a friend she asked me what was the point? Why keep his number when he doesn't add anything positive to your life? I guess even though I know we will never be together again, part of me still has trouble entirely letting him go. That same friend suggested I tell him to lose my number but honestly I don't think I can bring myself to do that. All communication is cut out except every few weeks he will text his new number, which only confirms (to me) the lifestyle he has chosen. I do feel his reason for updating me his new number is more out of courtesy rather than to play head games.
I really try to be as honest and open as I can with y'all as I feel I won't learn from this otherwise. I'm embarrassed to have to share with you this but maybe you can shed some light on him texting me his new number. I did end up deleting his number as I know I won't need to reach out and contact him but I really don't think I'm strong enough to tell him to lose my number. Do you think that is necessary? I want to grow from this, not make the same mistake in the future.
I also want to personally thank each one of you for taking your time to comfort me and share your own personal experiences. You give me hope that peace is in my future. This is a wonderful website and I'm thankful to have come across it. I hope you know how much you lifted my spirits this evening.
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