Plink

AS called...needs a ride for an appointment today. Says he trying to get back into Rehab but, it's not what we thing?????!!!

DH is going to pick him up and take him to his meeting.....not sure if it's the right or wrong thing to do anymore......

hopepraylove

There is no "right or wrong" thing to do.

(In my opinion,) if he is honest about wanting to get into rehab/find recovery, and is taking the steps to make that happen, taking him to a meeting/and or rehab, isn't "enabling."

I'm not sure what you mean by "it's not what we thing?" Do you mean "think?"

More will be revealed, good luck Plink.

AnonWife

There is no clear right or wrong. Do what you feel, measure the help you give and unless you see it being abused then is there harm. I dont think so.

Plink

I am sorry it should have read "think"

Bekindalways

Hi Plink. Hope it went well.

Addicted children must be one of the hardest. I hope you and your husband take care of yourselves. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way

Plink

He says he cannot get into Rehab for about 8 days.....so, I guess he will be here. He is going to work at our daughter's (they have a mechanic shop) till then so he can make some money and hopefully buy a car when he is done at Rehab....

Hopefully we are doing the right thing here and not enabling him.....I guess we shall see...

AnonWife

I think your helping him move in a positive direction, away from addiction. Enabling in my book is only about supporting the use of drugs or an unhealthy lifestyle.

Bekindalways

It sounds good to me Plink although you sound like you have been through the wringer so know that "sounds good" doesn't mean much.

Sigh. Codependency is such a brain-booger when it subverts basic human kindness into something toxic. Arrrghhh. For what it is worth. I would be doing the same thing you are. Hang tough.

Ilovemysonjj

Plink, it sounds like you are helping him get to the next level. I would keep a wary eye on him and if it appears that the "rehab" doesn't come to fruition, have your plan B ready. Sending hugs, it is very hard being a parent of a grown addict child.
TT

zoso77

Piink --

ilovemysonjj is one of our resident Moms who's been through the wringer. Her wisdom is hard earned, and I encourage you to pay a lot of attention to her words. It could very well help save your sanity.

Keep us posted.

hopeful4

I second this! Many, many hugs to you!

JimC60

Plink,

The line between enabling and truly helping an addict is a fine one indeed, difficult to discern at times and frequently uncomfortable.

We have settled on a general philosophy of "we will help by offering recovery", I know that is just as clear as mud!

What it means is that each one of our RAD's requests gets measured by a recovery yardstick - Does this request contribute to her recovery? If the answer is yes, we grant the request; if no, the request is denied.

So if you perceive that the "meeting" contributes to his recovery, grant the request if you can.

Ilovemysonjj has already warned about the stories you may hear - keep your B-S-O-Meter turned on at all times!

Keep coming back,

Jim

Plink

Thank you all so much.....
I have my "antennas" up and I know that it may be a complete BS story but, at this given moment in time I think this is what I need...wrong or right.....He comes in with a small bag of clothes and a backpack with shampoos and toothpaste from a motel....it breaks my heart to know that my 42 y.o son...this is all he owns...he used to drive a land Rover and owned a Rolex had a family (not perfect) but who's is? and now he has NOTHING!!!!

When he does leave for Rehab...again....I know that I have loved him, fed him and gave him his basic needs.....if he chooses to walk away....again......I know I will be broken once again...but in my heart I tried the best I could this time....

Bekindalways

For Plink and any other parents of addicted children, I hold you in prayer. May grace, peace and love fill your lives.

JOIE12

Wishing you strength and peace.
You are not alone.
Hugs
Joie