trueskyblue

Hi there, I'm new to the site. I Just need to speak to people that know what I'm going through. My son is a heroin addict, he's been in the grip on and off of this addiction for around 3 years. He was released from jail last year on licence until 2017, while in jail he was put on methadone, to cut a long story short he self detoxed off the methadone, went through hell for weeks but finally got himself clean. That was 2014. He stayed clean for over a year. He was released last spring and as he was clean we took him in, a decision that nearly ended in divorce as my husband was so against it, as you can imagine as the parents of a heroin addict we'd been lied to, stolen from etc etc, by the time he went to jail he'd stolen everything we had of value and pawned it for heroin. So against hubbys wishes he came home, he started using after about a month, we had no idea. stupid huh? you'd think we'd have known the signs, but he didnt steal this time, well not from us, As expected he went back to prison for a couple of months , but when he came out probation found him a flat and he was stable on meds, until something went wrong with the prescription and bang he was using again. His flat became a mecca for the areas addicts which has resulted in his eviction....today. Today which was also the day he was due in court..he didnt attend. He came round tonight carrying his possessions in a rucksack, he has nowhere to stay, probation have washed their hands as he's now wanted. Tonight I had to turn my son away to a night on the street, I feel devastated, I'm crying as I type, cant stop, the guilt I feel is so overwhelming, its 1.30 am and i have work in the morning and i'm in absolute turmoil, its cold out there but I know in my heart he cannot stay here. I expect the police at the door in the morning looking for him, I've told him to hand himself in, why postpone the inevitable, he says he will tomorrow, I'm so scared for him but i know I cant help him, I just feel so helpless. thanks for reading

allthatsgood

trueskyblue- I'm so sorry for all the pain you are feeling right now. I too have a son who is addicted to heroin, 26 years old. It has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride for the past few years. I remember the night I told my son I would not pick him up at the bus terminal and take him home. It was the hardest decision I had to make back in those early days. I told him that night he had decisions to make and he could call me in the morning. That night I handed my son and all my worries over to my higher power. I knew my son would not be comfortable in the New York bus terminal (port authority) but I knew he would survive and would find a place to sit and think about what he needed to do. To go back to rehab. I slept, not easily, but got the call the next morning from him that he was ready to go back to rehab. I hope the same for your son, that he makes the right decisions. And I hope for you that you will take the time and energy to look out for yourself. You and your son will be in my prayers tonight.

Bekindalways

Welcome Trueskyblue. And my deepest condolences for what you are going through. There can be nothing more difficult than what you just did and as you undoubtedly know, it was absolutely the right thing to do.

Please, please take care of yourself and may every angel from all times bombard your family with grace!

trueskyblue

Thank you both for your kind words, didnt really get any sleep last night and have just got home from work, still no word from my son, I have tried to call him but his phone is off, I can only hope this means he handed himself in to the police today, I messaged him this morning telling him again to hand himself in and that we loved him, I just hope thats what he has done. The court appearance yesterday was from a crime committed back in october, he has been on a subutex prescription for the last few weeks so it makes it all the harder as he was starting to sort his life out. Well thats what he told us, whether that is the case or he was just saying it to stop us worrying I dont know, the sneaky behaviour and lies were still very prevalent so I have my doubts as to whether he really was on a prescription. Its a sad state of affairs when the best chance you have of getting clean is in prison, here in the uk the organizations that help substance abusers are woefully inadequate and are simply over run, generally with people that have been ordered by the courts to attend these programs. Most of them dont want the help and are simply there to avoid going to prison leaving the ones that really do want the help to wait weeks. It takes an average of 6 weeks to get onto a prescription in my city, there are no rehab facilities available that are affordable, the cheapest costing around £1000 a week, I dont have that kind of money, I can only hope now that he has indeed turned himself in and can get the help he really wants and needs.

Ilovemysonjj

Welcome True, I too have a son who has been on the Heroin merry go round for almost 6 years. Our stories are so similar, we too took our son back after his stint in jail and it was deja vu, the using, stealing, lying and overall addict ways soon resurfaced. I made my son leave our home in May of 2014. He has been in several programs (inpatient) where he does very well, but not so much when he completes the program. I find that I HAVE to be consistent in my approach with him. We are in a good place now where he can come visit, but he knows if he leaves his program, he has no option to come home to us.
Please keep reading and posting, us Momma's are all here and will stand in prayer and support with you.
Hugs,
TT

ShootingStar1

Trueskyblue, you are still living your life through the lens of what you son is doing, might be doing, might have done, might do...

He has his own choices to make, and as desperately despairing as it is, there is nothing you can do to make his choices for him or to make his choices better.

You do have your husband, and that is where I suggest you spend your time strengthening your marriage. Have you been to Alanon, or do you have a therapist? It is time for you to feel free to heal yourself, no matter what your son does.

My deepest sympathy,

ShootingStar1

trueskyblue

Havent been on for a while so here is an update since I was last here. My son was arrested for shoplifting the day after I posted in the forum. I actually had no idea until he had been in custody over 24 hours, he was in such a bad way when he was arrested he was unable to be charged for 2 days. He was taken to hospital 3 times while in custody his rattle was that bad. He was in court 2 days after arrest where he was recalled on a standard recall which is 28 days and sentenced to 20 weeks for the shoplifting. He is now on a methadone prescription in jail and feeling much better. His offender manager has decided he needs around 6 months in prison to get stable and his head straight and I have to agree, it sounds bad but we're relieved he's in there, we know where he is, that he is safe and that he's eating and above all not using. He called me earlier, the first time in months I've been able to have a conversation that made sense with him, his usage was far worse than I expected, £100's a day, to use his words."I'm gutted I'm back in here but its what I need, I would have been dead within 2 months" For the first time in so long I feel like I can relax, not jump out my skin every time the phone rings, I just hope and pray that when he is released he sticks with his prescription, he had had enough at the end and wanted help so badly, I just hope it stays that way. We are due to visit on feb 7th, I'm looking forward to seeing him more like his old self again, fingers crossed for his recovery

Ilovemysonjj

Thanks for the update. I was always in a good place emotionally when JJ was incarcerated.

trueskyblue

I feel guilty for feeling that way, selfish almost, but it gets to the point where you can't function properly anymore and as was pointed out to me before you have to look after yourself because you are powerless to help them.

hopeful4

I am going to say that I have listened to testimonies of several who will tell you that the only thing that saved their life was jail time. He is safe, he is fed, he is off the streets.

Many, many hugs to you.

zoso77

TrueSkyBlue...I don't think we've crossed paths yet. I'm glad you've joined us from across the pond and that our members have given you feedback.

I encourage you to have reasonable expectations regarding your son going forward. The early stages of recovery are very, very fragile for the heroin addict. One day, he may be feeling positive. But the next day, when he's feeling stuff that he doesn't want to feel, can be extremely difficult. Thankfully, he's going to be safe in jail during this period. And as ilovemysonjj has noted, you'll be able to relax. He'll be safe. So work on you. Do a lot of self care and take care of yourself physically and emotionally.

Keep us posted.

trueskyblue

Thanks for you comments, its such a help to hear your opinions, I don't feel so alone anymore. The visit is off for sunday now, I spoke to him this morning and he's being shipped out to another jail today. He wasn't happy as he was looking forward to seeing us, now it will be another couple of weeks before we can get to see him. He sounds well, he's complaining and moaning a lot which is always a good sign lol, he's definintely sounding more like himself. I know recovery is difficult in these early stages cos he's been there before, he was totally clean for 14 months, no methadone or subutex, he detoxed himself in jail, thats what made it such a blow when he relapsed but I feel a lot wiser this time around, I don't want to say I don't have high expectations because that sounds negative but lets just say it won't be such a shock if he relapses again. All we can do is hope