Splolmy

I am dating a coke addict for about 2 years. He told me he only does coke a few times a month but I think it is more. His mood is changing a lot. I've found coke bags, blades, straws and white substance in our apartment, where I know I wasn't baking. At first I didn't see so much but it has been increasing. His bank account is running low too often that he can't even pay for dinner when we go out. I am not always home because work requires me to travel during the week, so I am not always sure what he is doing. He goes missing at night and turns off his phone, tells me he is sleeping when he is not or tells me he forgot his phone somewhere and couldn't call me. My friends have found him at different clubs partying very late and when I call him to see where he is, he doesn't answer and tells me the next day he fell asleep. I've seen white powder on his nose a few times when we are out. I've kissed him and there is an awful taste in his mouth that made my mouth numb. Is this normal for your tongue to go numb? I asked him what the foul taste was and he said he didn't know and went quickly to wash his mouth. The same time this numbness happened, I felt his heart and it was beating too fast.

About three months ago he confessed he has a problem and will get help. I had no idea it was such a big problem and I still don't know how serious it is. He's pushing me away more and more that I've been turning down work trips to be around more. It's like the more I want to be with him the less he wants to be with me. Is it possible to have a relationship with someone who is recovering? Can they put aside the memories from when they were on coke and the relationship and move forward? Will I be a reminder and make him relapse? I want to help him but it seems so hard and scary. His mood swings are so unpredictable recently, that it's making me very anxious. I don't know how to help. Can I trust him enough to believe he is getting the help he needs, when I am not home? How can I also help myself when he relapses? He proposed to me a few months, before he told me he had a problem and now I am not sure about our future together.

zoso77

Splolmy...

Welcome to the Board. You've come to a really good place, and I'm grateful that you posted. Other members will be by to greet you, but as is my wont when greeting newcomers, I'd like to share my own thoughts with you.

To which I ask: what future?

When he told you that he only does coke a few times a month, I can tell you with a high degree of confidence that he's full of crap. So long as his mistress is coke, there is no future with him because he's going to put coke before you. That's the stark reality. It pains me to tell you this, but if you browse our pages here and read the stories of other women who've been around this particular block, you'll see I'm telling you the truth.

I will leave you with this question: is this the man you want to start a family with?

That's what you have to consider, and there's no room for denial or dishonesty on your part.

Be safe, and again, Welcome to the Board.

AnvilheadII

Hi and welcome. I am a former coke user and crack addict, so here's my take on what you have shared.

You are dealing with a cokehead, and a sloppy one at that. It sounds like his use is pretty heavy, which is NOT one or two times a month. that is pure BS. but since you are naive to such things, he can GET AWAY with telling you just about anything, and you have nothing to compare it to.

until now that is.

it is highly doubtful that all he had to do was say he has a problem and well get help, and that will be that. coke doesn't let go that easy. it doesn't let go at all!! he also had an entirely separate lifestyle to accompany and support his drug use....being out all night, not calling, hitting the clubs, and probably doing stuff you wouldn't dream him capable of. trust me, coke turns people into freaks.

i hope your finances are separated,meaning he can't access them when he's on a spinner. you do realize that YOU too could be in trouble with drugs and drug paraphanalia in your home?? he is putting everything at risk....and that includes you.

it's much worse than you are able to really grasp right now. and it's not YOUR JOB to save him from himself.

totfit

At this point it sounds like you have someone with a disastrous problem in the making and a major one at the moment. He has yet to make any commitment to getting clean and really you can not expect it. You may get some lip service, but not much more. Rarely, do folks quit, just because of a relationship either. A person has to be suffering internally enough to know that there is little option for them other than to quit. Does not sound like he is there. The best thing for both of you is likely for you to say goodbye and stick with it.