AlG330

Are they real?

I guess underneath it all I'm just trying to get reassurance. My addict has done this several times while we were still seeing each other (getting into fast intense relationships when newly sober, or not sober at all) , but this time it seems different. Don't ask why, but I saw the texts that he sent to her and what he says is just so intense. That he cares about her so much that it hurts. That all he wants is to be with her and shes all he thinks about. This is two weeks after he was saying the same things to me (We've been together for four years)

Why do they find these relationships when they become weeks sober, and do they last? Especially with other recovering addicts.

The texts and what he says to her just seem so real, like he really loves her.

zoso77

This is the wrong question to ask. So step back, take a breath, and absorb what I'm about to share with you.

When you get two people in a rehab setting, the relationship they form out of the gate is incredibly intense. They bond over mutual, shared experiences. And because a) they're vulnerable, b) they've got poor boundaries, and c) the pleasure centers in their brains are firing like it's the 4th of July, they go headlong into something they've got no business going headlong into.

So, is it real? Well, sure, because it's happening. The correct question is do they have any foundation under their feet. And the answer to that is Hell No.

It reflects he's not focusing on what he should be focusing on, which is recovery. It also proves the time honored adage, sick attracts sick.

What happens when he has to be responsible to her, and her him? I'll tell you want happens: it blows up, and when it does, it'll be ugly.

So the question that matters is what are you going to do about it.

cynical one

Here's an interesting article on Rehab Romances

IMO, and experience the "root cause" of addiction is raging untreated codependency. Like zoso said, addicts neither have nor do they respect boundaries of any kind. Just like many addicts swap one drug for another, they also swap a drug for a relationship high, or a relationship for another relationship without taking a breath in between. In most cases (all) that I have seen, when both are in the infancy of recovery, one will relapse and drag the other down with them.

Is it real? To the best of their abilities...which aint saying much.

Best unsolicited advice I would give...cut all contact with him. You really don't need to, or want to watch yet another slow train wreck.

teatreeoil007

Are they real? Yes they are real. Doesn't mean they are healthy or having the substance to be good longer term relationships.

In fact, that initial period of attraction and bonding makes them feel so good at first because their BRAINS are missing/craving dopamine and maybe other neurotransmitters. They may also may be missing pitocin, which is a bonding substance,,, to feel good again. The BRAIN starts the process here....and then actions follow...

Very early sobriety is a fragile place for most addicts to be. They are likely VERY tempted to get into or FALL into new relationships. Most likely not on purpose...It's a weakness and they cave just like they cave into other temptations....

I tend to think rehab relationship are very much precarious, (maybe I should look up the definition of that word) But precarious is what comes to my mind...

Why are they more likely to get with a fellow recovering addict? Well, because' they understand' and they likely don't make each other feel guilty.

Just a few thoughts. other posters in this thread said it way better than I am attempting to...