JOIE12

these posts make me laugh in a way and yet are sad, from the kind of torture that turns beautifully compassionate people into those that have no tolerance for addictions, lies, being used, manipulated, broke, ill, hopeless - NOT a bad thing though, right ? Blessings to everyone here.

for me - there isn't one thing that could ever bring me back to that place. I don't have one ounce of desire to ever entertain being with anyone in active addiction OR lifelong recovery. The odds are too heavy to ignore.

CaringScared

I know for sure that I will never date anyone who has had a crack problem ever again.

People in recovery are not damaged goods, and I have friends with years and years of sober time under their belt. They are awesome. I just cannot take the risk of ever being near the crack rollercoaster ever again. "Nothing is more exciting than peace."

Lily1918

I have a lot of friends in recovery. I am in recovery myself. I am still unsure of the answer because to say that a substance abuse problem is a dealbreaker would mean that I am a dealbreaker also.

I would instead say that I will not be with someone who lies, manipulates, breaks promises, ghosts, steals, drinks, snoops, is controling, or uses drugs. I realize that is 99% of anyone with a problem.

There are many people out there who are not addicts who are just as evil.

Addict or not. These behaviors are unacceptable.

I think that the correct answer is "no addicts. No codependents." Im almost there... But to be honest... I dont trust anyone right now.

kzaug2014

Great responses! My 1st impulse was No Way, Never!

Then I read your replies & thought "I consider myself to be compassionate" & "I'm not damaged goods" & finally, "I don't think I'm a deal breaker."

Luckily, I'll never have to figure that one out. I've been married to my recovering addict for 21yrs. & always will be!

FeelingGreat

I'm a RA, a pretty stable person, but your answers would rule me out for dating again. Nevertheless, I agree with you, with the proviso that a lot depends on the personality of the RA and how comfortable they are with sobriety. Also why they quit - for me it was a personal decision, based on my own self-esteem, not pressure from other people or events.

hopeful4

Oh he@@ no!!!!!!!

ardy

have had a very hard weekend. with Ed.. if something would happen to him.. I would never date or look at another person.. just live my life quitely and in Peace.. with no screaming or someone being sick... bills paid no drama and no one being sick. never being happy.. morphine I hate it so much.. would look at that person and say Why do you want to make my life hell. have done that for 23 years.. go play else where.. sorry long morning all ready.. had to call a cope line to chat with a live person. i was in tears so bad...

Gettngstronger1

This is a great post, and an excellent question. My first instinct when I read it, was Never again, not for anything in the world. Then I took the time to read the replies, and my answer is still... Never again, not for anything in the world.

My relationship with my addict boyfriend was, truthfully, the worst thing I have ever been through in my entire life. I wouldn't wish one day of that emotional turmoil on my worst enemy. I've been saying all along since we broke up, the ONE good thing I got out of that relationship, was knowledge and wisdom. At least now I know that if I ever date someone again who exhibits any signs of addiction, I will RUN, not walk, the other way, and never look back.

And I'm not sure I could fully trust someone in recovery. The risk of relapse is just too great. I don't have it in me to potentially go through that ever again. I'd rather be alone and single for the rest of my life than to take that kind of a chance a second time.

hopepraylove

I appreciate everyone's responses. I talked with my sponsor over the weekend about this.

He said to me:

"There are many people who are not 'spiritually fit.' Many people who find true, good recovery can be spiritually fit. Keep in mind that there are many people who do not suffer from alcoholism/addiction who are not spiritually fit. What matters is finding someone who is spiritually fit, compassionate and honest."

I thought that was a really interesting response. My sponsor is a "double winner." NA/Alanon.

Lily1918

Spiritual fitness is a must. I agree with your sponsor

cynical one

I guess I'll be the odd (wo)man out... as I guess since I'm old as dirt I see "dating" as having fun with, or even friends with benefits. So for me, (under different life circumstances) I wouldn't exclude dating someone in recovery as long as they were kind, respectful, and trustworthy.

With that being said, I would NOT become emotionally or financially attached, nor would I have children with (again wayyy too late for that), or enter into any legally binding contract (including marriage, banking, loans, credit cards, or housing) with an addict in recovery (or most people for that matter).

saw1978

#1 Love does not conquer all.
#2 Addiction is a chronic, relapsing disease.
#3 Recovering addicts need ongoing support.
#4 You can’t change the past.
#5 Know (and take care of) yourself.

What ever your choice, I wish you well. I also think you already know the answer to your own question. But that being said some of us are "Fixers" (gluten for punishment) You can not fix an addict and you can not keep a recovering addict clean. That choice is their own. Just be sure your choices are for your own good as well.
God Bless
Sarah

Sungrl

Well yea I didn't say I wouldn't be sleep with one, but I would never begin a serious relationship with them

hopepraylove

Lol, I love the honesty in this thank you

JOIE12

these type of threads are loaded ... any response can be taken personally depending upon the status of the reader.