no way! im done!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
no way! im done!
He showed up to church today with pinned eyes and another woman.
I welcomed her to church and she asked who I was... " Im his wife" with a kind smile.
Her face went white, and she looked confused. "He didnt tell me he had a wife..." I smiled and replied... "Well... He doesnt anymore.... How long have you been together?" she said "about 2 months" I said well "congratulations... Youre an adultress. Marry him if you want... Good luck. you look like a nice girl... And an innocent one... Whatever you do dont let his demons destroy you." she cried and ssid "Im sorry! I didnt know!!!" I said "You will learn... In time... I'll pray for you... You're going to need it."
Im filing for immediate divorce on grounds of adultery in the morning. There will be no reconciliation.
I welcomed her to church and she asked who I was... " Im his wife" with a kind smile.
Her face went white, and she looked confused. "He didnt tell me he had a wife..." I smiled and replied... "Well... He doesnt anymore.... How long have you been together?" she said "about 2 months" I said well "congratulations... Youre an adultress. Marry him if you want... Good luck. you look like a nice girl... And an innocent one... Whatever you do dont let his demons destroy you." she cried and ssid "Im sorry! I didnt know!!!" I said "You will learn... In time... I'll pray for you... You're going to need it."
Im filing for immediate divorce on grounds of adultery in the morning. There will be no reconciliation.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I can't say this surprises me, but it does sadden me this has happened to you. The days and weeks to come are going to be difficult for you. There's no ducking that. Lean on us and we'll get you through it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: East Coast
Posts: 427
I'm so sorry Lily, but good for you. Sometimes the answer is shoved right in our faces as to what we need to do next. I'm happy for you that this is the point of moving forward and creating the best life for yourself!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Oh that poor girl... She is the real victim here. Not me! Look you guys I knew the odds. I knew it was a crapshoot. I could be all brokenhearted about him going back out and see it as all noble to not drag me down.... But to latch onto another poor soul... He's a vampire! Sober or not! They showed up in HER car btw... We all know this is about enabling. Period. I chose to play the game. I KNEW what I was jumping into when I jumped. I assesed the risk... I measured the odds... And decided it was worth the gamble. Being an addict myself... I knew.
She is young. Fresh out of bible college... She has NO CLUE. The elders wives told me so. They are all trying to warn her... But she is enchanted... She is a "normie" he tells her it is "past and God has healed him like God heals leprosy in the Bible" and she believes it. She believes he is the miracle. She didnt even see the pins in his eyes.
I pray she survives. I really do.
Im sure the divorce will be easy. I dont want anything and we have no shared property. I separated finances and everything else including bank accounts while he was in prison.
Thanks for letting me share
Cynical one was right when she said I love my stories. You guys... Im in a whole new world. My HP calls me a princess... And like princess Jasmine... "I cant go back to where I used to be"
She is young. Fresh out of bible college... She has NO CLUE. The elders wives told me so. They are all trying to warn her... But she is enchanted... She is a "normie" he tells her it is "past and God has healed him like God heals leprosy in the Bible" and she believes it. She believes he is the miracle. She didnt even see the pins in his eyes.
I pray she survives. I really do.
Im sure the divorce will be easy. I dont want anything and we have no shared property. I separated finances and everything else including bank accounts while he was in prison.
Thanks for letting me share
Cynical one was right when she said I love my stories. You guys... Im in a whole new world. My HP calls me a princess... And like princess Jasmine... "I cant go back to where I used to be"
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
There are always new victims, sadly, who know little and have a lot to learn. God bless the victims.
I'm glad you are free of all this, you handled that with grace. You are facing wonderful new beginnings, I hope the past fades in the dust very soon.
Hugs
I'm glad you are free of all this, you handled that with grace. You are facing wonderful new beginnings, I hope the past fades in the dust very soon.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
You have your rights to mourn your marriage. It's total insanity what he did and shows you and her very little respect. For her to not even know he was still officially married after dating for two months is atrocious. That would be a deal breaker for some people. I do feel sorry for her.
I do feel that a divorce party should be in the works. Celebrating the freedom you deserve! You can consider yourself free and the possibilities are endless. Your future is yours. He did you a favor (and he doesn't even know he did).
Best wishes!!
I do feel that a divorce party should be in the works. Celebrating the freedom you deserve! You can consider yourself free and the possibilities are endless. Your future is yours. He did you a favor (and he doesn't even know he did).
Best wishes!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Paperwork is filed. Process server is hired. I honestly doubt he will avoid them.
One of the deconesses of the church called me... Think of her as an "old timer" in meetings... She does not want me to leave the church. I told her I certainly am... but not the faith. I asked her to pray for the girl. She said she wants to warn the girl... To save her...
All of us... Myself included, with the exception of his immediate family, view the girl as a victim. I made it as clear as I could to the elder woman that I am NOT. I played the game KNOWING what the result could be... And protected myself accordingly.
I gave her the names of some literature to pass on and wished them luck and blessings.
I wash my hands of it. I sent him a final email today. In it I put only the first scripture he ever heard me say... The one "that made him fall in love with me" It was the first one I said to him after each "blackout period" of rehab, jail, prison, and as he walked out the gate in August. It was healing for me. It made me feel like this has all come full circle.
I rarely quote scriptures here... But today I make and exception...
"Choose for yourselves this day, whoom you will serve... but as for me and MY house... We will serve The Lord."
One of the deconesses of the church called me... Think of her as an "old timer" in meetings... She does not want me to leave the church. I told her I certainly am... but not the faith. I asked her to pray for the girl. She said she wants to warn the girl... To save her...
All of us... Myself included, with the exception of his immediate family, view the girl as a victim. I made it as clear as I could to the elder woman that I am NOT. I played the game KNOWING what the result could be... And protected myself accordingly.
I gave her the names of some literature to pass on and wished them luck and blessings.
I wash my hands of it. I sent him a final email today. In it I put only the first scripture he ever heard me say... The one "that made him fall in love with me" It was the first one I said to him after each "blackout period" of rehab, jail, prison, and as he walked out the gate in August. It was healing for me. It made me feel like this has all come full circle.
I rarely quote scriptures here... But today I make and exception...
"Choose for yourselves this day, whoom you will serve... but as for me and MY house... We will serve The Lord."
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
I am sorry it came to this, but you sound strong. I wish the very best for you and I hope his new interest comes to her senses; but, that's something over which none of us have any control. (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
I will never forget what the 'old man' said to us many moons
regarding people removed from positions of trust involving
truly horrible weapons. He said it's not about prurience or
Victorian morality. It is simply about operational reality.
"If your own spouse can't trust you, then why the hell would
I. And without trust, the skillsets you bring to the task at
hand are simply worthless and were a bad investment."
I am sorry you are going through this Lily. We'll help you
through it.......say a prayer for the poor young lady----
she is going to need it.
regarding people removed from positions of trust involving
truly horrible weapons. He said it's not about prurience or
Victorian morality. It is simply about operational reality.
"If your own spouse can't trust you, then why the hell would
I. And without trust, the skillsets you bring to the task at
hand are simply worthless and were a bad investment."
I am sorry you are going through this Lily. We'll help you
through it.......say a prayer for the poor young lady----
she is going to need it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
She isn’t a victim.
From that moment when she met you and you presented her with the truth, and she did that stand by his side … she stopped being a victim. She now not only has the truth from you but also warnings from others. If she stays she stays and in time she will learn and will have to face her own reality of where she took herself.
Going into this all how you did was so healthy. I am in, the same way. I know the reality of heroin, and what could be. And while I may not know what will actually be I sure as hell know what I will not ever live with or within again.
Your grace is shining!
New chapters will be written and I have a feeling they will be awesome.
Hugs!
From that moment when she met you and you presented her with the truth, and she did that stand by his side … she stopped being a victim. She now not only has the truth from you but also warnings from others. If she stays she stays and in time she will learn and will have to face her own reality of where she took herself.
Going into this all how you did was so healthy. I am in, the same way. I know the reality of heroin, and what could be. And while I may not know what will actually be I sure as hell know what I will not ever live with or within again.
Your grace is shining!
New chapters will be written and I have a feeling they will be awesome.
Hugs!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
All of us... Myself included, with the exception of his immediate family, view the girl as a victim.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 16
So sorry...
I'm so sorry to hear this. My soon to be ex husband is also out and dating. Our divorce is not yet final. He began seeing her a few months ago while he was still sending me messages hoping to reconcile. Nope. He's done way too much to me now for me to go back. I also feel sorry for the new girl. He is taking her to all the places we used to go, showering her with affection and all because he's been clean for 10 months. My ex is very defiant when he speaks to me as if he's so much better because he found someone new to fall for his charm and tricks. He also acts like he could care less about me and what we shared. It really hurts. But the new girl can fall for it, I've been through that song and dance for 10 years. Take care of yourself, remember it's not your fault and you will be better off in the long run. I try to remind myself of this every day. If I can do it, you can too. Good luck to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
I saw him on thursday. Crazy how they dont just disappear.
He says he wants to "test the waters" or some ****. He is hurt that I filed paperwork. Whatever.
I told him that if you are at a pawn shop and find a first edition Legend of Zelda in the gold cartridge, you buy it right then and there. You dont go "shopping around" to see what else is out there. Thats teenager ****.
Excuse my language. He gan go fish if he wants.
He says adultery is unfounded. Lies. He says he is clean. Lies. I told him if he came back to my door again there would be hell to pay.
He is a monster. Im glad I made it out alive.
He says he wants to "test the waters" or some ****. He is hurt that I filed paperwork. Whatever.
I told him that if you are at a pawn shop and find a first edition Legend of Zelda in the gold cartridge, you buy it right then and there. You dont go "shopping around" to see what else is out there. Thats teenager ****.
Excuse my language. He gan go fish if he wants.
He says adultery is unfounded. Lies. He says he is clean. Lies. I told him if he came back to my door again there would be hell to pay.
He is a monster. Im glad I made it out alive.
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