atalose

Yes it's a hot mess and only one that you can change.

At some point it stops being about them and how they act and the words they say and becomes all about you and why you are allowing unacceptable, hurtful, disrespectful behavior from this person. Why the choice of anxiety and stress is something you want to hold on to instead of letting go so you can have a happier life.

CaringScared

Thanks, hopepraylove. That really helps. Yeah, I am contemplating leaving town in the next couple of days, just go somewhere a train ride away, stay in a hotel, turn off the ringer and walk some different streets to get away from this.

Atalose, I let him get into my head. I start thinking, "He's got a point, I did go see him that one day when he was using (though it's never like, he's using! hooray, I'm going to go see him! He just happened to be), and then on a more "sober" day I stayed away. I start thinking he has a point. But the truth is I see him when I can stand it, but with all the trouble and madness, I get burned out and that's why I start staying away.

I'm just justifying myself.

atalose

We start getting ourselves into a lot of trouble when we allow them to drive OUR bus. See how you begin to question yourself and reason HIS logic out…………don’t allow him to drive YOUR bus!!!

CaringScared

It's hard to leave him but I have to.

I think we just ended it--I just told him I was too stressed out to keep going--he yelled at me that he doesn't stress me out when we're together. I said, "You're stressing me out now..." He said I was the lyingest ----- he's ever been with (because yesterday when we talked, I said I'd call him later and then I never did, which I did two days running). Then he yelled, "I don't love you anymore, how's that for stress? BYE" and hung up.

I started crying, but then I calmed down and came here to read all the help on this thread. It really helped. Thank you.

AnvilheadII

wow, what a child! seriously, doesn't that sound like an 8 year old? oh yeah, well my dad can beat up your dad.

sigh. is what it is, and part of that is going to be a bit painful and sad. but that will only be a phase of the healing process. the farther you get from this mess, the clearer the air will get and you'll breathe easier. be nice to you, you deserve it.

ShootingStar1

There is so much more out there is this big world waiting for you that is joyful, peaceful and fulfilling.

He just doesn't fit into that category.

You have no obligation to stay with him, try to fix him, console him, or anything at all.

You get to put yourself at the center of your life. That's what he's doing for himself, whether or not he admits it. You get to choose what is healthy and happy for you and leave him behind in the dust.

ShootingStar1

CaringScared

Thank you so, so much.

I did start feeling a big amount of relief and freedom yesterday. I feel a little down this morning, but I got the taste of freedom and I know it's only going to get better. I had so much energy yesterday to accomplish household things, workout, etc. It made me realize that energy's been depleted for months.

I just have to keep working on being FREE!

CaringScared

Still working on freedom. I still have not seen him, but we've spoken a few times, including this morning. He sounds terrible and sick and it's about to get cold and snowy here, and he is out on the street with his tarp. It makes my heart feel so black.

But this is the time to go to rehab, right? Now is the time. A friend to me said, this is the wakeup call. Now is the day. No one wants to put him up until he straightens out this problem and that's just the reality...