myfreedom

I have been with my AH for 15 yrs. Just had been separated for a yr. He seemed to be making changes and always seemed straight. We are now trying to work things out. BUT....... he is using meth. He talks to me about it, saying that it helps him stay balanced, calm. Doesn't give him that high feeling. And he does always seem normal to me. Has an occasional beer but not very often. He is trying to start a business but seems to be putting all his focus on that. It has been a dream of his and he says he wants to do good for his family.
I am all for this except there are things I am not sure of. I usually sleep alone because he hardly sleeps, he is always working in his garage or he is at the garage where the business is. I know he moves the stuff if money gets too tight. He is very respectful to me and caring but I just always feel like he is sneaking behind my back even if he isn't. Some nights he works till morning and isn't around. We hardly sit down to eat together. He has had major issues with anger and just very high strung, where as now he is so much more relaxed. Im just not sure what I am getting into. Is this something that is going to ruin us again? He doesn't go hang out anywhere, its all about work and starting this business to make a better life. I just don't know how to feel.

AnvilheadII

meth is BAD news and not an improvement. he's up all night tweeking, not sleeping, not eating, and that is going to take its toll.....meth is toxic, poison, and we might as well mention illegal, and it will have a definite NEGATIVE impact on him.....his "business" he's trying to get off the ground and you. don't be fooled.

AnvilheadII

What are the toxic ingredients in crystal meth?
A number of the ingredients commonly used in creating meth are extremely toxic:
Acetone- This is found in nail polish remover and paint thinners
Lithium- From batteries
Toluene- solvent used as fuel additive, in paint thinners, nail polish, brake cleaner
Hydrochloric acid- Highly corrosive mineral acid used to remove rust from steel and refine metal
Pseudoephedrine- found in cold medications
Red Phosphorus- found in explosives such as road flares and on matchboxes
Sodium hydroxide- also known as lye, in drain cleaners
Sulfuric acid- found in toilet bowl and drain cleaners
Anhydrous ammonia- found in fertilizer and countertop cleaner
Lantern fuel or lighter fluid
Ether found in starting fluid
Antifreeze
Iodine crystals
Cold and antihistamine medications (that include pseudoephedrine and ephedrine) are necessary as a main ingredient in meth production.

Sungrl

Not to be harsh MF but what in the world makes you think this is an improvement over booze and that things will be so much better now because he is on meth?

I am kind of dumbfounded by the calm manner in which you present this info. Are you seriously thinking of staying with this man?? Do you have to even ask if this will ruin you???

You said he is focusing on a new business venture , I hope for your sake he is not considering making the stuff.

Please educate yourself on what you are getting into, this is not an improvement! IMO it's 1000 times worse.

tomsteve

this resonates with me a bit.
i was drinking, smokjn pot, then got hooked on crack. thought i hkt bottom a d sought help. didnt take long before i was drinking a d smoking pot again, but i said,"as long as i dont smoke crack again ill be allright."
i never smoked crack after but kept drinking and my mental state got worse.

"Im just not sure what I am getting into."
imo,yer gettin into a lot of gloom, dispair, and agony.

" Is this something that is going to ruin us again?"
imo, by reading your post,it already started to ruin ya. ya seem to have some pretty delusional, insane thinking that its all good because hes nkt drinking. what happened was addictions were changed.
rationalization-giving a sociably acceptable excuse for sociably unacceptable behavior and sociably unacceptable behavior is a form of insanity.

myfreedom

Guess I am just trying to see some good because he is not a bad person. He is starting an auto body/repair shop. He basically can make and fix anything. Everyone thinks he is such a nice guy who loves his family more than anything. Im fighting with myself to try to see some good. Guess that is not going to happen

Needabreak

What is "good" in your mind? Is it honesty? Integrity? Ability to plan for the future? To provide for the family? And is he doing any of these things?

If you have to fight with yourself to see good, then maybe there isn't as much of it there as you want to believe that there is. Reading back in your posts, you've been struggling with his addictions and trying to tell yourself that there's "good" since 2011.

What are you getting out of this relationship? 4 years is a long time to come to a sober recovery forum with such unresolved questions.....

AnvilheadII

He is starting an auto body/repair shop. He basically can make and fix anything

except that all tweeked on meth, he'll spend more time tearing sh!t apart, or selling stuff to get more dope.............

please tell me you haven't invested any $$ in this enterprise???

myfreedom

No I have not invested any money. He doesn't sell anything but he does tear things apart and start a lot of little things and not finish them. Think im looking at it as he is not angry and drinking all the time, he seems almost normal except for the way he does things. I don't even know how to feel right now. Foolish I guess

Needabreak

You can only start from where you are.

I think we all here have spent more time than we should have in relationships that weren't good for us, thinking that they would become better in the future -- God knows, I did!

But you do have to start......

AnvilheadII

he seems almost normal except for the way he does things.

sweets, when we've been entangled in relationships with addicts we wouldn't know NORMAL if it was a bus and fell on us. you are seeing the LACK of certain negative behaviors as a good thing and thus overlooking NEW negative behaviors that replaced them.

since i'm on this debbie downer kick, i'll also share my never humble opinion that things are WORSE than you imagine or are letting yourself realize............sorry.

the good news is you have already been separated and that can easily be returned to....maybe um SOONER? in the meantime lock up the valuables, don't let your purse out of your sight and don't give him the ATM card to YOUR bank account. do not sign any loans, or leases.

zoso77

Do you see the inherent contradiction here? On the one hand, you're saying you're trying to work things out. On the other hand, he's using meth.

The latter negates the former.

Ann

I agree with the above, changing drugs of choice does not a better person make.

I am sorry he is using, meth's a horrible drug, and I hope you can find a safe and peaceful place for yourself away from the train wreck about to happen.

Hugs

SparkleKitty

Besides switching to meth, what is doing to address his issues of low self esteem, insecurity, etc.?

And how are your kids dealing with all of this?

incitingsilence

It will all change in time. It always does.

I get the calmness which seems like a contradiction when talking about speed, but I loved the calm and clarity of speed in any form.

This is a beast that will eventually show and it will be a nightmare we can’t begin to prepare you for. It will make the alcoholism look tame. He is an alcoholic, not drinking, just using meth … he just switched addictions. And sadly any endeavor, any dream any wish he has will eventually be compromised by the addiction. It always is.

The more normal comment.

Do you even know what his normal really is?

hopeful4

I am sorry you have to deal with this. I do want to point something out. You are right, he may be a nice person. He may be a great guy, which is what everyone wants to see. He is a great guy with a bad meth habit. That is really bad. I guess I just want to validate that he is not some awful person, he is a person with an addiction.

HOWEVER....you have to look at that addiction and see how it affects you. You know that bad things will come of it, especially if he is moving it. The punishment will be very harsh if he is caught. So what he is building, he will lose. Please do things to protect yourself in this situation both financially and emotionally.

Many, many hugs to you.

myfreedom

He is going to manage a garage, and try to build his name. I know this is going to spiral downhill, it already has. I just discovered he hasn't paid bills since June and he gets unemployment. I just wanted it to be different but I know that is hopeless.

SparkleKitty

You've been wishing things were different for a long time, my friend. Are you taking any steps to get to the root of why you keep coming back to this place, despite all the past experience you have with this man?

myfreedom

I don't know why I keep coming back. I do love him dearly despite everything. I did so good the last year up until a few months ago. Almost like I fell in love all over again. My heart hurts and I can't figure out why I can't let go

SparkleKitty

Have you ever had counseling or gone to Al-Anon?