myfreedom

no

SparkleKitty

Face to face counseling made (and continues to make) a huge difference for me. Having a neutral perspective that I trust who is just THERE for me, was the best investment for recovery that I have ever made.

Your AH is a mess -- that's on him. You being unable or unwilling to let go -- that's on you. At some point we have to take responsibility for ourselves and our repeated missteps and figure out why we don't believe we deserve better than what we settle for.

You are worth more than this. Your kids, too. I hope you can find a way to let go and move forward, no matter what he does or doesn't do.

hopeful4

I agree with sparkle above. Face to face counseling with someone who specializes in helping families of addicts helped me so much.

I just want to offer support and remind you, never forget, we are here for you!

myfreedom

Well I guess I should have listened to my gut and not my heart. He spends all his time at the garage "Trying to get things organized" and now is considered the manager. The owner is a 28 yr old kid who's dad died and now he taken over. Apparently they do meth in the "office". He stays there from 8am till anywhere from midnight thru 5 am. He says starting a business takes a lot of time and commitment. I should be more understanding and want to help with things. I have caught him watching porn in the shower, something that he was never into. Says its because I don't give any to him. He is never around, how can I??? Looked at his phone and saw some texts to and from the kid at the shop, kid tells him he is on way, does he need anything. He replies, " a six pack, a fat line and strange *****". Then he says I just want a coffee. That statement took my breath away because he is one of those guys that never makes sexual comments, never had female friends, never made any kind of comments or has he ever cheated on me. So this totally ripped my heart out. Then kid texts and says theres a line waiting for him on desk and its a big chunky one. I am a fool and this hurts so bad because I love him soooo much and wanted it to be great this time. But I know that he is always going to be some kind of addict. Caught him with crystal and vicodins the other day. I have asked him to leave the home. He says I am totally taking all this the wrong way and that I cant be happy with anything he does, im always finding something to fight about and and don't want him to be happy. It has to me my way or no way. I should be proud of him and stand behind him with all the long hrs he is working to better our future. I feel totally sick and hurt, scared, afraid to lose him for good. Feel like I am going crazy

myfreedom

He is also threatening to eat a bullet

SparkleKitty

My freedom please read your post as if it were written by your daughter or your best friend. I am not sure you have a clear perspective on what it is you are afraid to lose. He has been lost for a long time.

myfreedom

Says he will quit the meth but he needs to go to dr about adhd, and see if he can get Adderall so he doesn't go crazy????????

SparkleKitty

He says a lot, but his actions tell a different story.

myfreedom

I know, he is saying this because he is getting worried that I am going to file for divorce and that I want him out of house today.

SparkleKitty

As generous an offer as it is for him to trade one drug for another, what is the best thing for you and your kids right now?

RedManc7

Meth is up there with the most destructive drugs on this planet. Can ruin an entire life in blink of an eye. MF it's some addiction meth - I'm a recovering Heroin addict and the stuff meth addicts do - it hammers the body kills the minds
And blackens to the soul.
You could be in a real heavy experience here MF please give real thought to how addiction like this can play out.

zombob

Sounds like the calm is over and the storm is getting ready to hit. Take care of you and the kids any which way you can. If he's "moving it" he's not too concerned about the family as that will bring wierdo's into your life (like you don't already have at least 2). Hard rock and harder place you are in but you do have to get him out and/or get yourself/kids somewhere safe...now. best wishes.

AnvilheadII

should be proud of him and stand behind him with all the long hrs he is working to better our future. I feel totally sick and hurt, scared, afraid to lose him for good. Feel like I am going crazy

all those long hours he is whacked out on METH, tweeking. two men doing meth are NOT going to successfully get a business off the ground.....please stop listening to ANYTHING he says. sadly, he is already GONE......once meth enters the picture, it's game over.

time to quit wishing, and get busy facing facts. if you are legally entangled with him, things for YOU and the kids are going to disintegrate quickly. your kids deserve better. you deserve better. he has NOTHING good to offer.........not.one.thing.

atalose

He's an addict looking to switch from one drug to another. Given the opportunity he will abuse that as well because that's what they do in active addiction.

yup!!

So basically all he’s done is tell you that he’s going to switch from one drug to another not that he’s going to stop, seek help, go to rehab, attend meetings……………….nope, just keep on doing what’s he doing and trying to secure a roof over his head with words.

AnvilheadII

it's "almost" funny that someone doing METH would be concerned about ADHD....i mean, no sh!t. he is looking to the adderall because it's another amphetamine and can be crushed and snorted.

peggy528

I know how confusing that could be. when my ex stopped drinking so much and was smoking crack more often, initially he was more functional! calmer, more relaxed, kinder. it was the oddest thing, I didn't agree with what he was doing but behaviorally he seemed to be doing better? very odd. HOWEVER- the truth is it doesn't last. in fact, the tailspin is much quicker than alcohol. The damage of years of drinking was nothing in comparison to the nose dive he took after 3 weeks of smoking crack. the same will be for meth. may not seem like it now, but unfortunately it won't last. be prepared and take care of yourself!

zombob

Truth is, adderall Does help those with ADHD....in measured doses (my youngest son took it for years). Now that he's pushed past the calming effect of smaller doses, he will probably never be satisfied with that amount. Too bad for him cuz adderall truly is a wonder drug for those that need it.

myfreedom

Well I have told him to leave the house. It has gotten to much for me to handle and I started acting out and that is not who I am. Too many lies, just too much of everything. Plus I woke up over the weekend and my car was gone. They repo`ed it. He said nothing, and is not doing anything. I have to go get a rental just to get me thru till I can figure out wtf I am going to do. I am staying in the house and don't care if he sleeps in his truck. But somehow this is all my doing, if I wouldn't have been so possessive, he wouldn't of had to lie, if I would of stood behind him in this new business adventure, where I might add that the 28 yr old kid is now in jail and his 20 yr old girlfriend is basically running the place. But I am the one who does not love him or want him to succeed. I don't get it

SparkleKitty

Don't try to understand it. This is addiction, protecting itself, and it does not have to be your reality for a moment longer.

thequest

Sounds like his bad behavior has expanded or escalated. It has not gotten smarter. I've frequently hear/see stories of addicts trying to offset their lows and highs with drugs. Meth or any drug is nothing but an additional drug in their system besides alcohol.

I see it here, an alcoholic who expanded from recreational use of stimulant drugs into pretty regular use "for energy". Now their alcohol use has increased to finishing the night with harder liquor or really strong alcohol to offset the stimulants.

One side effect I read on stimulants is some kind of psychosis with prolonged or hard use. It's time to get out and do not condone that behavior. Safety comes first. Proceed with caution.