JustAnotherDay

So for anyone that has not seen my limited posts, I am evicting my ABF because his 30pk of miller lite a day habit, not contributing to the household financially, nonstop verbal abuse and so on and so forth.

But when he found out I actually went to the court house to get the official eviction started/filed (I had to give him notice in writing prior to do this in my state) he has lost his mind. His accusations are more harsh than ever, his drinking has escalated and his temper and attitude are off the charts.

I don't think I can do it anymore. I find myself "preaching" and explaining that it's not MY fault, it's because of his drinking. But he's not having it. In true alcoholic fashion he MUST. BLAME. SOMEONE. ELSE.

How can I keep my cool?? I find myself talking back and engaging his nonsense. I can't keep doing that though, I'll end up on a tv show (snapped??) or even worse, emotional exhausted. Although, to be fair, I've been emotionally exhausted for a few years with this crap, it's just gone too long and far.

I need tips!

JustAnotherDay

And for those of you that have read my limited amount of posts, I did this in early 2013 and kicked him out. No contact for 4 months. He got a DUI (surprise!) and entered into a year long program. He got sober and we got back together on the basis I would not live with his drinking. He fell off the wagon and without the threats of legal issues, clearly has no intentions of slowing down. It's clear the year sober didn't open his eyes enough. I just want to remain calm enough to get they this once and for all.

bigsombrero

Are you currently living with this guy? If so, you might want to get yourself out of the house and let the courts (and possibly police) do the rest. Do you have somewhere to stay until this blows over? If so, I think it might be good to get out of there first, and ponder the rest when you get there. Good luck!

JustAnotherDay

Yes, he lives in my house with me. I know it sounds stupid but I can't bring myself to leave my house and have him destroy my belongings. I've worked so hard to have a nice home and he breaks my things out of spite.

I have three dogs that he wouldn't care for and I can't take them all with me if I stayed some where else. I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own home most days. If I leave to even go to the store he accuses me of meeting up with other men, etc. I just found it beat to avoid the drama by staying locked my room or quietly reading, watching tv or cleaning around the house

alterity

"But when he found out I actually went to the court house to get the official eviction started/filed (I had to give him notice in writing prior to do this in my state) he has lost his mind. His accusations are more harsh than ever, his drinking has escalated and his temper and attitude are off the charts."

So, I take it that he has until the end of this month to vacate the premises? An entire month can be a long time in these kinds of situations.

ladyscribbler

When he talks, picture a duck quacking. Or imagine a neon sign of his forehead flashing the word "Sick" every time he starts his stuff. Learn to say, "you might be right" or "oh?" or "mmhmm" instead of giving his nonsense credibility and power by arguing with him point by point.
Don't JADE- justify, argue, defend, explain.
You are allowed to set a boundary of not engaging with someone who is impaired or intoxicated. You can say, "I have to go express the dog's anal gland. See you later." Then go to another part of the house and ignore him unless he starts tearing up the house. If that happens (which it might, my ex used to escalate in order to get my attention) call 911 and have him removed for the night.

FeelingGreat

Hi JAD, think of yourself as a rock, and him as the ocean crashing against it wildly and making no impression. He's getting more abusive because he sees you're firm.

Do you feel in any physical danger? Is he (say) destroying stuff or punching the wall? Are there any grounds for a protective order?

I don't blame you for not wanting to leave, but have a plan if it gets too intense, and don't hesitate to seek help if you feel in danger.

JustAnotherDay

I dont think they will give me a TPO for emotional distress. And YES! another month with the escalated nonsense is too much to handle. If I leave the house though, he literally tears it apart. I just cant do it anymore. I wish I could just pack my things and leave.

emilynghiem

Can you move your more valuable fragile irreplaceable thing into storage for just 1-2 months (some places offer $1 plus about 20 in admin fees the first month if you rent for 3 months or more).

Can you ask a mutual friend who supports both of you and he respects and behaves around, to be present whenever things are being moved.

The first step is to separate your space where neither of you is holding that over the other. You are doing the right thing, you do need to be under separate roofs or you will keep fighting.

is there a separate room or storage unit nearby where you can lock your things you absolutely do not want to be touched. I've even stored things in my car temporarily or at work or at friends houses while I was re-organizing. anything to give you peace of mind so you can focus without fear and stress added to what you are already going through.

in the future, always keep your space separated. My bf and I have been together since 2001 and we have always kept separate spaces. We only fight when my stuff gets mixed into his space. As long as I keep my projects and stuff separated in my own space, we get along fine. We just have different ways of doing things, and need our own space to do things our way or we both lose it.

hopeful4

You do know that if he is making you feel not safe in your own home, there are measures you can take. And if he vandalizes your possessions, call the police. I know that is harsh, but I would check into some alternatives.

atalose

Just because you have started legal proceedings to evict him doesn’t mean you must tolerate verbal abuse or him destroying your things.

Next thing he breaks, next verbal assault call the police and tell them he is threatening you and you fear for your life.

They will remove him from your home. File a restraining order and be done with him.

Charioteer

Exactly. Call the cops as soon as he starts in on this crap. You don't have to take it. Depending on where you live (this might even be a national thing), even if he literally did absolutely nothing wrong and you call in a domestic abuse, the police are required by law to take him to jail for the night.

Your other option would be to do as someone else said, and move all your important stuff into a storage locker until he's gone, then you and your puppies crash on a friend/family member's couch for two weeks until he's gone.

Ann

Has he got family that will remove him for you and take him to their place? (That said, if I was his family I wouldn't do that).

I agree with the above to keep yourself safe and call the police if he gets on a drunken rant, that's enough to have him removed.

I don't know much about the laws for all this but am sending big hugs to say how sorry I am you are going through this.

Hugs

JK130

You are more important than your stuff. Take your favorite things and your pups and go somewhere safe. I know this not easy, but you are irreplaceable!

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Mountainmanbob

Stick close to family members and friends at this time.
Let them know that you may need them for support.
Have the phone close by in case you need the police.
Try not to respond to him -- it's a waste of time and effort.
Pray for wisdom.
MM

JustAnotherDay

Thank you all for the encouraging words.

I'm trying to just relax and not let him or his antics get to me.

I was watching ID network earlier and they did a story on a drunken husband/dad that beat his children and wife and I felt about all of you. At least I don't have to deal with that type of violence and I feel for all those that do. <3

chicory

Be strong, JAD!

relax and know you are doing the right thing. he is bound to raise a fuss, so take care of yourself.
hugs
chic

zoso77

I'm late on this.

You are under no obligation to put up with any of this garbage. None whatsoever. atalose speaks for me when she says:

That sums it up perfectly. As soon as he steps out of line, follow that plan and be done with him.

alterity

I got a restraining order when my XABF was intentionally inflicting severe emotional distress upon me. I can't even bring myself to write what he had done, but let's just say if the behavior is outrageous enough, a judge will order a TRO for emotional abuse.

Vale

Get an RO.

Let's see how brave he is looking
down the barrel of a 9mm.