Nervous and trying hard not to project
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Nervous and trying hard not to project
My AD is sharing a two bedroom apartment with a young man who is also in recovery. Both are in recovery from opiate / heroin addiction. She is 19 months clean, he is a little over 3 years clean. Platonic relationship; they work opposite hours and hardly ever see each other.
He cut himself badly in a kitchen accident and managed to sever a tendon in his hand. He had surgery yesterday to repair the tendon; my daughter took him for the surgery, got his prescriptions filled and is acting as his "nurse". None of this behavior on her part surprises me at all - it has always been her nature to act as a caregiver, so these actions are all in character.
It is the prescriptions which she had filled which concern me antibiotics --and some opiate pain pill - -not sure exactly what - she described them simply as her "drug of choice" -- that could be Percocet, Oxycontin, or Opana depending on which era for her DOC (I'm sure there was not a prescription for heroin, her last DOC before getting clean!). It was almost as if she did not even want to say the drug's name - just "my drug of choice".
We asked how she was going to handle this situation - she said she would dole them out to him as per the label instructions and had bought a small safe to store the pill bottles. I guess I should take this as a wonderful sign - she is more concerned that her room mate might pick up, but not herself.
I know I should not ever project - what if?, what if? She will have her DOC in her hand........talk about the acid test to see if she is really committed to her recovery -- this is it for both her and her room mate.
As for me, I keep going back to the all important Step One: "We (I) admitted we were powerless over the addict - that our lives had become unmanageable."
On a positive note, Hurricane Erika which was supposed to come ashore near Delray Beach tonight has fallen apart into a huge rain storm with only 20 mph or so of wind - so at least that stresser has gone away for her. Erika would have been her first Florida hurricane since moving there after rehab.
One day at a time for all of us!
Thanks for letting me share,
Jim
He cut himself badly in a kitchen accident and managed to sever a tendon in his hand. He had surgery yesterday to repair the tendon; my daughter took him for the surgery, got his prescriptions filled and is acting as his "nurse". None of this behavior on her part surprises me at all - it has always been her nature to act as a caregiver, so these actions are all in character.
It is the prescriptions which she had filled which concern me antibiotics --and some opiate pain pill - -not sure exactly what - she described them simply as her "drug of choice" -- that could be Percocet, Oxycontin, or Opana depending on which era for her DOC (I'm sure there was not a prescription for heroin, her last DOC before getting clean!). It was almost as if she did not even want to say the drug's name - just "my drug of choice".
We asked how she was going to handle this situation - she said she would dole them out to him as per the label instructions and had bought a small safe to store the pill bottles. I guess I should take this as a wonderful sign - she is more concerned that her room mate might pick up, but not herself.
I know I should not ever project - what if?, what if? She will have her DOC in her hand........talk about the acid test to see if she is really committed to her recovery -- this is it for both her and her room mate.
As for me, I keep going back to the all important Step One: "We (I) admitted we were powerless over the addict - that our lives had become unmanageable."
On a positive note, Hurricane Erika which was supposed to come ashore near Delray Beach tonight has fallen apart into a huge rain storm with only 20 mph or so of wind - so at least that stresser has gone away for her. Erika would have been her first Florida hurricane since moving there after rehab.
One day at a time for all of us!
Thanks for letting me share,
Jim
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Jim, I know that we worry when they are using and we worry when they are clean and in the end worry does nothing good and makes us crazy and ages us fast.
She has been showing responsible recovery and I really hope that continues. If you think about it, if she really wanted to use, she could just go out and get her drugs so the fact her roommate is needing them and hopefully takes them exactly as prescribed shouldn't jeopardize her sobriety.
That said, if she is nervous about having these pills around, perhaps she could have her roommate take responsibility for himself or find someone else to dole them out when it's time.
Hugs from a mama who knows your concern.
She has been showing responsible recovery and I really hope that continues. If you think about it, if she really wanted to use, she could just go out and get her drugs so the fact her roommate is needing them and hopefully takes them exactly as prescribed shouldn't jeopardize her sobriety.
That said, if she is nervous about having these pills around, perhaps she could have her roommate take responsibility for himself or find someone else to dole them out when it's time.
Hugs from a mama who knows your concern.
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Thanks Ann.
It is almost as if she is really worried that her room mate will pick up and relapse - hence her buying the little safe to lock up the pills from him.
Of course, she is just handling the drugs, he is actually taking them -- I'm not sure how that is going to work out for him.............
I am also sure she will be watching and making sure he is swallowing the pills so the Extended Release function still works -- no crushing and snorting "like the bad old days".
It astounds me that in Delray Beach, "a recovery town", that doctors would prescribe opiate pain killers to a self proclaimed opiate addict (her room mate). She said he had quite a few drug allergies, so perhaps that was the only choice left for the doctors.
What you say is very true about her buying her own drugs if she wanted them - there were dealers at the end of her halfway's driveway when she arrived.
Thanks again, time will tell.
Jim
It is almost as if she is really worried that her room mate will pick up and relapse - hence her buying the little safe to lock up the pills from him.
Of course, she is just handling the drugs, he is actually taking them -- I'm not sure how that is going to work out for him.............
I am also sure she will be watching and making sure he is swallowing the pills so the Extended Release function still works -- no crushing and snorting "like the bad old days".
It astounds me that in Delray Beach, "a recovery town", that doctors would prescribe opiate pain killers to a self proclaimed opiate addict (her room mate). She said he had quite a few drug allergies, so perhaps that was the only choice left for the doctors.
What you say is very true about her buying her own drugs if she wanted them - there were dealers at the end of her halfway's driveway when she arrived.
Thanks again, time will tell.
Jim
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"It astounds me that in Delray Beach, "a recovery town", that doctors would prescribe opiate pain killers to a self proclaimed opiate addict (her room mate). She said he had quite a few drug allergies, so perhaps that was the only choice left for the doctors."
She sounds like she is being very responsible and conscientious in this situation.
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Firesong,
Thanks for the kind words, you and Ann are probably correct and I should not be worried at all.
My daughter works in a detox facility in Delray Beach -- the remnants of Hurricane Erika, now downgraded to "Tropical Rain Storm Erika", are blowing into town and she has been asked to spend the night at the detox. She agreed, so the room mate is on his own at least overnight.
The detox management is worried that in the event there is flooding, the normal staff may not be able to get there for a while. DD should have gotten off work today at 3 pm -- they work "hospital shifts" at the detox; 0700 - 1500, 1500 - 2300, 2300 - 0700.
Thanks for reading and responding,
Jim
Thanks for the kind words, you and Ann are probably correct and I should not be worried at all.
My daughter works in a detox facility in Delray Beach -- the remnants of Hurricane Erika, now downgraded to "Tropical Rain Storm Erika", are blowing into town and she has been asked to spend the night at the detox. She agreed, so the room mate is on his own at least overnight.
The detox management is worried that in the event there is flooding, the normal staff may not be able to get there for a while. DD should have gotten off work today at 3 pm -- they work "hospital shifts" at the detox; 0700 - 1500, 1500 - 2300, 2300 - 0700.
Thanks for reading and responding,
Jim
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Location: Delray Beach, Florida
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Originally Posted by JimC60 
Firesong,
Thanks for the kind words, you and Ann are probably correct and I should not be worried at all.
My daughter works in a detox facility in Delray Beach -- the remnants of Hurricane Erika, now downgraded to "Tropical Rain Storm Erika", are blowing into town and she has been asked to spend the night at the detox. She agreed, so the room mate is on his own at least overnight.
The detox management is worried that in the event there is flooding, the normal staff may not be able to get there for a while. DD should have gotten off work today at 3 pm -- they work "hospital shifts" at the detox; 0700 - 1500, 1500 - 2300, 2300 - 0700.
Thanks for reading and responding,
Jim
Thanks for the kind words, you and Ann are probably correct and I should not be worried at all.
My daughter works in a detox facility in Delray Beach -- the remnants of Hurricane Erika, now downgraded to "Tropical Rain Storm Erika", are blowing into town and she has been asked to spend the night at the detox. She agreed, so the room mate is on his own at least overnight.
The detox management is worried that in the event there is flooding, the normal staff may not be able to get there for a while. DD should have gotten off work today at 3 pm -- they work "hospital shifts" at the detox; 0700 - 1500, 1500 - 2300, 2300 - 0700.
Thanks for reading and responding,
Jim
I think it's odd that the doc would prescribe narcotics for pain relief, however it is patient choice. A doctor will simply ask if the patient can manage with the particular medicine. Only will they prescribe an alternative if the patient asks for it. My experience here.
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Quite possibly he didn't tell the doc that he is in recovery. Our daughter has it listed on her chart with the family doctor. They pass that info on to any referral doctors. However, all she would have to do is change family doctors and this backup plan would go out the window.
I would be very worried if my daughter was in the same position.
I would be very worried if my daughter was in the same position.
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Well, I could not handle not knowing any longer and I texted back and forth with DD last night.
Asked how her Tropical Rain Storm Erika overnight at the detox went --- virtually no rain or wind, no flooding - made some overtime (which always helps!)
Asked how the room mate's hand was doing and how he (they) were handling the drugs -- "He's alright, just stresses me out because he's all stupid from them (pills)."
So far it sounds like everything is under control for her, I'm getting less and less nervous for her. As long as she keeps using the term "stupid", I'll know she is OK. She started using "stupid" as a descriptor for drug- induced behaviors at about 6 months into her recovery - she thought it was a more accurate term than "high" - I had to agree!
Asked how her Tropical Rain Storm Erika overnight at the detox went --- virtually no rain or wind, no flooding - made some overtime (which always helps!)
Asked how the room mate's hand was doing and how he (they) were handling the drugs -- "He's alright, just stresses me out because he's all stupid from them (pills)."
So far it sounds like everything is under control for her, I'm getting less and less nervous for her. As long as she keeps using the term "stupid", I'll know she is OK. She started using "stupid" as a descriptor for drug- induced behaviors at about 6 months into her recovery - she thought it was a more accurate term than "high" - I had to agree!
How are you faring--feeling a little more at ease?
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GardenMama,
I started feeling better as soon as I got the text with "stupid"!
Thanks for asking.
Just got home from our Nar-Anon meeting a little while ago - I always feel better then! They are a great group of people that are like family - sometimes better than family....
There was an exceptionally large group tonight, 28 people including 4 newcomers. It is nice to see the newcomers, but sad at the same time -- nice that they found us, sad that they needed to.
One day at a time,
Jim
I started feeling better as soon as I got the text with "stupid"!
Thanks for asking.
Just got home from our Nar-Anon meeting a little while ago - I always feel better then! They are a great group of people that are like family - sometimes better than family....
There was an exceptionally large group tonight, 28 people including 4 newcomers. It is nice to see the newcomers, but sad at the same time -- nice that they found us, sad that they needed to.
One day at a time,
Jim
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Sometimes, I hate it when I am right....
.....and so was she although she did not verbalize it.
" It is almost as if she is really worried that her room mate will pick up and relapse - hence her buying the little safe to lock up the pills from him... she is just handling the drugs, he is actually taking them -- I'm not sure how that is going to work out for him............."
RADD called her Mom this morning very upset and in a general tizzy -- her room mate has relapsed and has voluntarily gone back to a detox and IOP.
Three years clean time down the drain for him -- I just do not understand how he thought that he could magically use an opiate pain killer daily for a few weeks and NOT relapse. It is just crazy what these drugs do to young minds.
RADD is upset but fine in terms of her recovery. I haven't gotten a chance to talk with her yet, but I suspect she has got a bad case of the "guilts" since she was the one doling out the pills (prescribed by his doctor). Turned out he was sneaking out while she was at work and buying more on the street.
Thanks for letting me share.....again......
One day at a time,
Jim
" It is almost as if she is really worried that her room mate will pick up and relapse - hence her buying the little safe to lock up the pills from him... she is just handling the drugs, he is actually taking them -- I'm not sure how that is going to work out for him............."
RADD called her Mom this morning very upset and in a general tizzy -- her room mate has relapsed and has voluntarily gone back to a detox and IOP.
Three years clean time down the drain for him -- I just do not understand how he thought that he could magically use an opiate pain killer daily for a few weeks and NOT relapse. It is just crazy what these drugs do to young minds.
RADD is upset but fine in terms of her recovery. I haven't gotten a chance to talk with her yet, but I suspect she has got a bad case of the "guilts" since she was the one doling out the pills (prescribed by his doctor). Turned out he was sneaking out while she was at work and buying more on the street.
Thanks for letting me share.....again......
One day at a time,
Jim
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Location: Los Angeles
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Originally Posted by JimC60
What you say is very true about her buying her own drugs if she wanted them - there were dealers at the end of her halfway's driveway when she arrived.
Thanks again, time will tell.
Jim
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Location: Los Angeles
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Originally Posted by JimC60
.....and so was she although she did not verbalize it.
" It is almost as if she is really worried that her room mate will pick up and relapse - hence her buying the little safe to lock up the pills from him... she is just handling the drugs, he is actually taking them -- I'm not sure how that is going to work out for him............."
RADD called her Mom this morning very upset and in a general tizzy -- her room mate has relapsed and has voluntarily gone back to a detox and IOP.
Three years clean time down the drain for him -- I just do not understand how he thought that he could magically use an opiate pain killer daily for a few weeks and NOT relapse. It is just crazy what these drugs do to young minds.
RADD is upset but fine in terms of her recovery. I haven't gotten a chance to talk with her yet, but I suspect she has got a bad case of the "guilts" since she was the one doling out the pills (prescribed by his doctor). Turned out he was sneaking out while she was at work and buying more on the street.
Thanks for letting me share.....again......
One day at a time,
Jim
" It is almost as if she is really worried that her room mate will pick up and relapse - hence her buying the little safe to lock up the pills from him... she is just handling the drugs, he is actually taking them -- I'm not sure how that is going to work out for him............."
RADD called her Mom this morning very upset and in a general tizzy -- her room mate has relapsed and has voluntarily gone back to a detox and IOP.
Three years clean time down the drain for him -- I just do not understand how he thought that he could magically use an opiate pain killer daily for a few weeks and NOT relapse. It is just crazy what these drugs do to young minds.
RADD is upset but fine in terms of her recovery. I haven't gotten a chance to talk with her yet, but I suspect she has got a bad case of the "guilts" since she was the one doling out the pills (prescribed by his doctor). Turned out he was sneaking out while she was at work and buying more on the street.
Thanks for letting me share.....again......
One day at a time,
Jim
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"Yikes! There were dealers at the sober living? That is terrifying."
Right at the end of the driveway on the public sidewalk. I suspect there are dealers close to every sober living house.
I was once talking with a city police officer friend - he mentioned that the highest rate of burglaries was in neighborhood XYZ - which is the nicest part of my city -- I questioned that - sort of like "What, that's the nicest part of town!"
His reply was, "Well, if you are going deer hunting, you go where the deer are." Makes sense......
I guess at least a few of the dealers have the same business model -- a sober house has at least a few proven customers in residence!
Part of RADD's job when she worked on the staff at her sober living house was to chase the dealers away and call the police occasionally to keep them on their toes.
Jim
Right at the end of the driveway on the public sidewalk. I suspect there are dealers close to every sober living house.
I was once talking with a city police officer friend - he mentioned that the highest rate of burglaries was in neighborhood XYZ - which is the nicest part of my city -- I questioned that - sort of like "What, that's the nicest part of town!"
His reply was, "Well, if you are going deer hunting, you go where the deer are." Makes sense......
I guess at least a few of the dealers have the same business model -- a sober house has at least a few proven customers in residence!
Part of RADD's job when she worked on the staff at her sober living house was to chase the dealers away and call the police occasionally to keep them on their toes.
Jim
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
Originally Posted by JimC60
"Yikes! There were dealers at the sober living? That is terrifying."
Right at the end of the driveway on the public sidewalk. I suspect there are dealers close to every sober living house.
I was once talking with a city police officer friend - he mentioned that the highest rate of burglaries was in neighborhood XYZ - which is the nicest part of my city -- I questioned that - sort of like "What, that's the nicest part of town!"
His reply was, "Well, if you are going deer hunting, you go where the deer are." Makes sense......
I guess at least a few of the dealers have the same business model -- a sober house has at least a few proven customers in residence!
Part of RADD's job when she worked on the staff at her sober living house was to chase the dealers away and call the police occasionally to keep them on their toes.
Jim
Right at the end of the driveway on the public sidewalk. I suspect there are dealers close to every sober living house.
I was once talking with a city police officer friend - he mentioned that the highest rate of burglaries was in neighborhood XYZ - which is the nicest part of my city -- I questioned that - sort of like "What, that's the nicest part of town!"
His reply was, "Well, if you are going deer hunting, you go where the deer are." Makes sense......
I guess at least a few of the dealers have the same business model -- a sober house has at least a few proven customers in residence!
Part of RADD's job when she worked on the staff at her sober living house was to chase the dealers away and call the police occasionally to keep them on their toes.
Jim
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Projecting or not, it still happened....
My daughter called yesterday in the middle of the day - not a good sign. She was clean for almost 21 months. SSeveral months ago, her room mate / boyfriend had a kitchen accident and cut his hand severely - he severed the tendon to his little finger on his right hand. He is also a recovering opiate addict with almost 3 years clean.
He had surgery to repair the tendon and the surgeon sent him home with Oxy for pain!!! You know where this is going right?????
My daughter took charge of the drugs and administered them to him and locked them up when she was gone. Well, no real surprise to me - he relaspsed and began buying on the street. Then off to IOP, etc. etc. - bottom line is he is still using and...........................my daughter relapsed also.
At least she is only doing the pills and did not get back into shooting heroin -- yet. Apparently, she has been using for about 10 days but has come somewhat to her senses - which IS the first step.
She called her Mom first and me second to let us know the bad news. She has kicked the boyfriend out without much resistance from him; booked herself into a detox center which starts next Monday and then on into a 14 day in-patient rehab.
She is buying some Suboxone on the street and self medicating just enough to keep herself from getting dopesick - probably not the best idea, but I know I can't do anything about it and might do the same thing if I were in her shoes.
She is so angry with herself and is totally ashamed of herself. She has always had self-esteem issues and this episode is certainly not helping.
I talked with her again today and she did not sound much better - that worries me - she has been upbeat for a seemingly long time - doing everything "right" -- working her program, speaking at H&I, sponsoring other kids, working at a detox and running meetings there.
The call of the poppy was just too great - the AV spoke quietly at first and then louder and louder -- "Look at your boyfriend, see how happy and serene he is, why don't you join him? You know what you need!" I guess eventually she could not stand the AV shouting any longer.
So starting on Monday she will be in "blackout mode" for communications which will be hard on Mom and Dad, but it is how things work. Then on to rehab and another blackout period.
I had grown so confident and relaxed about her recovery, but yesterday was a reality check for us. People at our Nar-Anon group tell stories of relapses and multiple trips to detox and rehabs by their kids and I always felt like MY DAUGHTER had beaten the odds and statistics - she was "one and done"; nope, she is right there with the rest of the herd, I should not have hoped for better.
My wife and I have found some inner peace through Nar-Anon, I perhaps more than her. That peace was broken yesterday, but it was not a nuclear attack, just a skirmish so far -- I just feel so bad for my daughter - I thought she had faced her demons and won her war, but I guess not quite yet.
On a positive note, her boss at the detox center has already told her to go get the help she needs and then come back - her job is waiting for her - talk about understanding........
Nar-Anon Step # 1: "We admitted that we were powerless over the addict - that our lives had become unmanagable." I admit the powerlessness, but with the help of my group, my life is still managable.
I cried today, something I have not done in a long time - but at least I managed to hold it together while I was talking with my daughter - she sounded so, so, so low, the last thing she needed was dad crying on the other end of the phone. I encouraged her to go to the beach or the pool and just relax, she said that sounded like a good idea.
Thanks for letting me share,
Jim
He had surgery to repair the tendon and the surgeon sent him home with Oxy for pain!!! You know where this is going right?????
My daughter took charge of the drugs and administered them to him and locked them up when she was gone. Well, no real surprise to me - he relaspsed and began buying on the street. Then off to IOP, etc. etc. - bottom line is he is still using and...........................my daughter relapsed also.
At least she is only doing the pills and did not get back into shooting heroin -- yet. Apparently, she has been using for about 10 days but has come somewhat to her senses - which IS the first step.
She called her Mom first and me second to let us know the bad news. She has kicked the boyfriend out without much resistance from him; booked herself into a detox center which starts next Monday and then on into a 14 day in-patient rehab.
She is buying some Suboxone on the street and self medicating just enough to keep herself from getting dopesick - probably not the best idea, but I know I can't do anything about it and might do the same thing if I were in her shoes.
She is so angry with herself and is totally ashamed of herself. She has always had self-esteem issues and this episode is certainly not helping.
I talked with her again today and she did not sound much better - that worries me - she has been upbeat for a seemingly long time - doing everything "right" -- working her program, speaking at H&I, sponsoring other kids, working at a detox and running meetings there.
The call of the poppy was just too great - the AV spoke quietly at first and then louder and louder -- "Look at your boyfriend, see how happy and serene he is, why don't you join him? You know what you need!" I guess eventually she could not stand the AV shouting any longer.
So starting on Monday she will be in "blackout mode" for communications which will be hard on Mom and Dad, but it is how things work. Then on to rehab and another blackout period.
I had grown so confident and relaxed about her recovery, but yesterday was a reality check for us. People at our Nar-Anon group tell stories of relapses and multiple trips to detox and rehabs by their kids and I always felt like MY DAUGHTER had beaten the odds and statistics - she was "one and done"; nope, she is right there with the rest of the herd, I should not have hoped for better.
My wife and I have found some inner peace through Nar-Anon, I perhaps more than her. That peace was broken yesterday, but it was not a nuclear attack, just a skirmish so far -- I just feel so bad for my daughter - I thought she had faced her demons and won her war, but I guess not quite yet.
On a positive note, her boss at the detox center has already told her to go get the help she needs and then come back - her job is waiting for her - talk about understanding........
Nar-Anon Step # 1: "We admitted that we were powerless over the addict - that our lives had become unmanagable." I admit the powerlessness, but with the help of my group, my life is still managable.
I cried today, something I have not done in a long time - but at least I managed to hold it together while I was talking with my daughter - she sounded so, so, so low, the last thing she needed was dad crying on the other end of the phone. I encouraged her to go to the beach or the pool and just relax, she said that sounded like a good idea.
Thanks for letting me share,
Jim
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
Originally Posted by JimC60
My daughter called yesterday in the middle of the day - not a good sign. She was clean for almost 21 months. SSeveral months ago, her room mate / boyfriend had a kitchen accident and cut his hand severely - he severed the tendon to his little finger on his right hand. He is also a recovering opiate addict with almost 3 years clean.
He had surgery to repair the tendon and the surgeon sent him home with Oxy for pain!!! You know where this is going right?????
My daughter took charge of the drugs and administered them to him and locked them up when she was gone. Well, no real surprise to me - he relaspsed and began buying on the street. Then off to IOP, etc. etc. - bottom line is he is still using and...........................my daughter relapsed also.
At least she is only doing the pills and did not get back into shooting heroin -- yet. Apparently, she has been using for about 10 days but has come somewhat to her senses - which IS the first step.
She called her Mom first and me second to let us know the bad news. She has kicked the boyfriend out without much resistance from him; booked herself into a detox center which starts next Monday and then on into a 14 day in-patient rehab.
She is buying some Suboxone on the street and self medicating just enough to keep herself from getting dopesick - probably not the best idea, but I know I can't do anything about it and might do the same thing if I were in her shoes.
She is so angry with herself and is totally ashamed of herself. She has always had self-esteem issues and this episode is certainly not helping.
I talked with her again today and she did not sound much better - that worries me - she has been upbeat for a seemingly long time - doing everything "right" -- working her program, speaking at H&I, sponsoring other kids, working at a detox and running meetings there.
The call of the poppy was just too great - the AV spoke quietly at first and then louder and louder -- "Look at your boyfriend, see how happy and serene he is, why don't you join him? You know what you need!" I guess eventually she could not stand the AV shouting any longer.
So starting on Monday she will be in "blackout mode" for communications which will be hard on Mom and Dad, but it is how things work. Then on to rehab and another blackout period.
I had grown so confident and relaxed about her recovery, but yesterday was a reality check for us. People at our Nar-Anon group tell stories of relapses and multiple trips to detox and rehabs by their kids and I always felt like MY DAUGHTER had beaten the odds and statistics - she was "one and done"; nope, she is right there with the rest of the herd, I should not have hoped for better.
My wife and I have found some inner peace through Nar-Anon, I perhaps more than her. That peace was broken yesterday, but it was not a nuclear attack, just a skirmish so far -- I just feel so bad for my daughter - I thought she had faced her demons and won her war, but I guess not quite yet.
On a positive note, her boss at the detox center has already told her to go get the help she needs and then come back - her job is waiting for her - talk about understanding........
Nar-Anon Step # 1: "We admitted that we were powerless over the addict - that our lives had become unmanagable." I admit the powerlessness, but with the help of my group, my life is still managable.
I cried today, something I have not done in a long time - but at least I managed to hold it together while I was talking with my daughter - she sounded so, so, so low, the last thing she needed was dad crying on the other end of the phone. I encouraged her to go to the beach or the pool and just relax, she said that sounded like a good idea.
Thanks for letting me share,
Jim
He had surgery to repair the tendon and the surgeon sent him home with Oxy for pain!!! You know where this is going right?????
My daughter took charge of the drugs and administered them to him and locked them up when she was gone. Well, no real surprise to me - he relaspsed and began buying on the street. Then off to IOP, etc. etc. - bottom line is he is still using and...........................my daughter relapsed also.
At least she is only doing the pills and did not get back into shooting heroin -- yet. Apparently, she has been using for about 10 days but has come somewhat to her senses - which IS the first step.
She called her Mom first and me second to let us know the bad news. She has kicked the boyfriend out without much resistance from him; booked herself into a detox center which starts next Monday and then on into a 14 day in-patient rehab.
She is buying some Suboxone on the street and self medicating just enough to keep herself from getting dopesick - probably not the best idea, but I know I can't do anything about it and might do the same thing if I were in her shoes.
She is so angry with herself and is totally ashamed of herself. She has always had self-esteem issues and this episode is certainly not helping.
I talked with her again today and she did not sound much better - that worries me - she has been upbeat for a seemingly long time - doing everything "right" -- working her program, speaking at H&I, sponsoring other kids, working at a detox and running meetings there.
The call of the poppy was just too great - the AV spoke quietly at first and then louder and louder -- "Look at your boyfriend, see how happy and serene he is, why don't you join him? You know what you need!" I guess eventually she could not stand the AV shouting any longer.
So starting on Monday she will be in "blackout mode" for communications which will be hard on Mom and Dad, but it is how things work. Then on to rehab and another blackout period.
I had grown so confident and relaxed about her recovery, but yesterday was a reality check for us. People at our Nar-Anon group tell stories of relapses and multiple trips to detox and rehabs by their kids and I always felt like MY DAUGHTER had beaten the odds and statistics - she was "one and done"; nope, she is right there with the rest of the herd, I should not have hoped for better.
My wife and I have found some inner peace through Nar-Anon, I perhaps more than her. That peace was broken yesterday, but it was not a nuclear attack, just a skirmish so far -- I just feel so bad for my daughter - I thought she had faced her demons and won her war, but I guess not quite yet.
On a positive note, her boss at the detox center has already told her to go get the help she needs and then come back - her job is waiting for her - talk about understanding........
Nar-Anon Step # 1: "We admitted that we were powerless over the addict - that our lives had become unmanagable." I admit the powerlessness, but with the help of my group, my life is still managable.
I cried today, something I have not done in a long time - but at least I managed to hold it together while I was talking with my daughter - she sounded so, so, so low, the last thing she needed was dad crying on the other end of the phone. I encouraged her to go to the beach or the pool and just relax, she said that sounded like a good idea.
Thanks for letting me share,
Jim
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's relapse...However, I'm relieved to know you've been attending (and will continue) going to Nar-anon. I wish I had more to say...or could offer advice...But, I want to let you know I'll be keeping your family in my prayers. You have lots of support on these forums.
Perhaps you want to post this on a new thread? You may get some more responses.
Gentle hugs. Please take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
jim- so sorry to hear of your daughter's relapse. It's never easy hearing news like that about our loved ones. But there's seem to be some positive news in that your daughter opened up to you and let you know, instead of hiding it from you. And the fact that she is taking steps on her own to get back on the recovery road also seems positive. My son relapsed back in early September after going to the dentist for a root canal. He took the prescription for the pain killers and said nothing to the dentist about his issues. Don't know if he is working a program, I can only hope. You and your family are in my prayers.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Jim, I am so sorry to hear this, I wish I could say I'm surprised but I am more surprised when someone gets and holds sobriety first time around. That doesn't make it hurt any less.
It is a good sign that she was honest about it and sought help. My prayers go out for her.
I am glad you have your meetings, meetings saved my sanity more than once.
Hugs to you and your wife, being the parent of an addict is heart breaking some times.
Hugs
It is a good sign that she was honest about it and sought help. My prayers go out for her.
I am glad you have your meetings, meetings saved my sanity more than once.
Hugs to you and your wife, being the parent of an addict is heart breaking some times.
Hugs
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