My journey with an ABF

Old 08-25-2015, 11:13 AM
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Smile My journey with an ABF

Hello all,
So, I did a little YouTube video going through my experience with my addicted BF.
this is the link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4pQLgwIjXU

Since then, we broke up and he doesn't thing being with a guy is for him. Which is crazy because we had been together for over a year and when we started dating he was sober.

I've also written him a letter as a goodbye, so he knows I'm trying to let go. Not as a threat but as a form of closure.

"I know it's hard for you, but you get to be away and have something to keep your mind off of it. I'm here trying to pick up my pieces. You left, telling me you loved me and wanted to be with me and in a week changed to I don't want to be with you, without any real reason. Some of the things you said have been really hurtful. I've been hanging out with your friends in hopes that they would tell me "yeah, Daniel was not happy with you" or "he had been having doubts" but they have all just been as astonished by this as me. My mind wanders and comes up with a million scenarios as to how you could just drop me like nothing. If you truly were just over it why is it so hard to talk about it? Are you embarrassed you were with a guy for so long? That's an example of me trying to rationalize it. Everyday that passes a little more of my hope for us dies and I am left without answers. If you want me to get over this with the least amount of pain, I need to know the truth. As hurtful as the truth may be, it will solidify and explain why your feelings have changed so drastically. I need your help moving on so I can stop crying and hurting. I was a good person and at least deserve some answers."

after this I think I'm ready to let him go and I want to send a big shout out to everyone here. All the support and comments and slaps in the face with reality have helped. I will always love him... but ultimately I love myself more.

Please feel free to message me if you need any support.
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Old 08-25-2015, 11:46 AM
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Maybe he is alienating you because you don't support/agree with his bad habits. I'm going through something kind of similar and am trying to find the answers, but the more I search for answers the more I realize there probably isn't a logical explanation. We're trying to find a rational reason for an irrational situation... if that makes sense.
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Old 08-25-2015, 11:53 AM
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The answer is, at least for my situation. He is afraid that I am bad for him. He told me he sees qualities in me that he sees in the addicts at the rehab center. He tells me its too hard to talk to me everyday. I know he is confused and loves me and he is afraid to keep in touch with me because he doesn't want to lose sight of his mission which is getting clean. So I will walk away to help him but most of all I'm doing it for me . :-)
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Old 08-25-2015, 11:57 AM
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Be strong, they are going through so many emotions right now and to be frank they are telling them that having us there will put them in risk for relapse. They need to learn to be independent before they can share themselves with anyone.

Doesn't mean they never loved us, just means they loved us when they didn't even love themselves. Nothing that happens will take away from any of the love you shared but the best thing to do is to walk away and hold those good memories.

Something that helped me was to do a fake funeral for the man I was with and write his eulogy because truly coming out of this he will be a different person.

Best of luck and like I said if you need any advice at any time message me and I will reply :-)
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