Fate2012

I have been reading a lot of posts lately and there are so many of us with similar stories. Thanks everyone for being so open, makes me not feel so alone.
Anyhow, my AEH and I divorced a few months ago. Since the beginning of the year he has gone from dating his sponsee in Dec-Mar to now dating some woman he went to school with. He has moved 4+ hrs away from his young children to live with her (she has $$). He doesn't work, hasn't paid child support, texts me about 1-2 month to see how the boys are and that's it.
BTW, for court he had to do a nail drug test (it can trace back to up to 12 months) and tested positive for oxy, heroin, hydrocodone etc...
He has always been a selfish, manipulative person, but this is hard for me to understand. I couldn't imagine a life without my babies.
Thanks for letting me vent!
So is this sounding like active addiction or he is just a low-life?

zoso77

This is a chicken and egg question if there ever was one. It's hard to say what his deal is.

Active addiction will disable someone's moral and ethical compass, and there's really no limit to the stuff they're capable of. Unfortunately, you've experienced some of this firsthand.

In my experience, what's happening now with him is indicative of someone in the honeymoon stage of a relationship. Addicts are capable of holding it together for short bursts and are able to put on a good front. But when the time comes for them to be an accountable, responsible partner, they can't do it. Just like he can't be a parent to your children. It is what it is, I'm afraid, and all you can do is take note and respond accordingly.

anxiouswife2

"He has always been a selfish, manipulative person, but this is hard for me to understand. I couldn't imagine a life without my babies. "


I am in the same boat. My ex has willingly become a completely absent parent after rehab. I question often whether this is using or this is just what he's choosing. The lines get blurred, for sure.

I am pissed off in general, the mama bear thing - I want whats best for my daugther & the fact that he is not on my team brings a lot of resentment & bitterness.

Hugs to you --- Mamas always find a way to keep it all together. What you do day in & day out for your boys is amazing.

hopeful4

Your mind just does not work the same as his. It does not really matter why he is doing what he is doing, it is the reality. I know that sounds harsh, and it hurts. However, sharing children with a serious addict is horrible for the kids. While it's painful he is not a good father, it may be a blessing in disguise that he not be around your children right now.

All you can do is be kind to yourself, and be the best mom you can be to them! Many, many hugs to you!

Fate2012

Anxiouswife2

Thank you for your kind words. It seems we do have a lot in common. Being a single mom is hard but I enjoy every minute I have with my kids. I think about how much their dad is missing out on things but he doesn't seem to care. He went from being with them everyday to nothing.
Luckily, my kids are young enough where they won't remember him.
I don't know for sure if he is using however, I wouldn't be surprised if I received a call one day and heard that he OD.

Stay strong-praying for you and your daughter.

BlackSabbath

Sounds like a little from column A, and a little from column B. My ex us upset with me for leaving and hasn't even asked about our kids since we left two months ago (one is two, the other four months old). I'm chalking it up to being an active addict. My two year old didn't talk about him much at first, but the past few days he's been asking me where Daddy is and has been calling every bald guy he sees "Daddy". Breaks my heart!

I'd say abandoning kids is low life behaviour that's been exacerbated by the addiction. It's super sad and I completely empathize with you...if nothing else, hopefully it solidifies your decision to divorce him - neither you nor your kids deserve the addict crap treatment.