Anyone else embarrassed?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fallbrook, ca
Posts: 4
Anyone else embarrassed?
I've been a longtime reader on here, but have never posted before. Been married 15 years to an addict. We have 4 boys. Things collapsed last Thanksgiving. I asked him to leave the beginning of December. He entered detox, then a 30 day inpatient program. He came home the beginning of February. The first few weeks he was gung-ho going to NA meetings, small group therapy, psychiatrist and psychologist. He volunteered to a weekly drug test through his small group. As the weeks turned into months I noticed small steps back. Found a can of dip....2 sodas a day turned into 4 sodas a day...missed several appts.....missed NA. I tried not to nag, but did point out the slippery slope he was on. Well...today I was unpacking boxes in our bathroom (we recently moved) and opened his vanity door to put his razor up. A urine specimen cup was in his drawer. I opened it since I saw it had moisture in it. It reeked of pee. My gut dropped. I called him back to ask what's going on. He began to lie that he uses it to water the plant in the bathroom. I stopped him and told him to not lie to me. He sits down and tells me he was feeling so tired during the move to the new house that he took several (10) Adderal to have energy to do everything that needed to be done. He took some pee out of our boys toilet with him for that weeks drug test. Claims that's only time he's done that and it was only Adderal, but didn't want that to show up in his drug screen. He takes a monthly vivitrol injection, so getting a high is unlikely. Anyway- I just don't like being so embarrassed by my husband's behavior that I can't tell anyone. I am truly embarrassed. My local close friends know he's a recovering addict, but that's about it. My brother knows everything and has been super supportive, but I can't tell him this. It makes me look dumb for putting up with it. I just needed to type this out and tell you guys- cuz I can't tell anyone else. Tired of being embarrassed of my husband.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Meandmyboys 
I've been a longtime reader on here, but have never posted before. Been married 15 years to an addict. We have 4 boys. Things collapsed last Thanksgiving. I asked him to leave the beginning of December. He entered detox, then a 30 day inpatient program. He came home the beginning of February. The first few weeks he was gung-ho going to NA meetings, small group therapy, psychiatrist and psychologist. He volunteered to a weekly drug test through his small group. As the weeks turned into months I noticed small steps back. Found a can of dip....2 sodas a day turned into 4 sodas a day...missed several appts.....missed NA. I tried not to nag, but did point out the slippery slope he was on. Well...today I was unpacking boxes in our bathroom (we recently moved) and opened his vanity door to put his razor up. A urine specimen cup was in his drawer. I opened it since I saw it had moisture in it. It reeked of pee. My gut dropped. I called him back to ask what's going on. He began to lie that he uses it to water the plant in the bathroom. I stopped him and told him to not lie to me. He sits down and tells me he was feeling so tired during the move to the new house that he took several (10) Adderal to have energy to do everything that needed to be done. He took some pee out of our boys toilet with him for that weeks drug test. Claims that's only time he's done that and it was only Adderal, but didn't want that to show up in his drug screen. He takes a monthly vivitrol injection, so getting a high is unlikely. Anyway- I just don't like being so embarrassed by my husband's behavior that I can't tell anyone. I am truly embarrassed. My local close friends know he's a recovering addict, but that's about it. My brother knows everything and has been super supportive, but I can't tell him this. It makes me look dumb for putting up with it. I just needed to type this out and tell you guys- cuz I can't tell anyone else. Tired of being embarrassed of my husband.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Probably not, but there will be a day when you can own your embarrassment and preface all of it with the statement that his behavior is not your fault.
If it makes you feel any better my exAH used to leave entire JARS of pee hidden in the bedroom. or Powerade bottles. When asked why, he would say that "I was in the bathroom & he really needed to go."
Yeah, right.
If it makes you feel any better my exAH used to leave entire JARS of pee hidden in the bedroom. or Powerade bottles. When asked why, he would say that "I was in the bathroom & he really needed to go."
Yeah, right.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I decided one day that I cared more about having a support system than any embarrassment for myself, or covering for my X. It set me free in a lot of ways, and got me support that I desperately needed. Don't suffer in silence.
Glad you are here!
Glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Hopeful hit in on the nose.
Those who support you will do so 100%, and they do so without any regard whatsoever for your addict-thank goodness!! I have made it a point, almost, to keep people in the loop about what's going on without making any excuses for his behavior. Nor do I blame myself anymore or try to soften things by saying that "it takes two" or "it's a two-way street".
Reach out!! It is HARD. Hard-hard. Super-hard. But more often than not you will find that people are waiting in the wings to even just lend a listening ear, because you & your boys are more important to them than their moral soapbox or personal opinions.
Those who support you will do so 100%, and they do so without any regard whatsoever for your addict-thank goodness!! I have made it a point, almost, to keep people in the loop about what's going on without making any excuses for his behavior. Nor do I blame myself anymore or try to soften things by saying that "it takes two" or "it's a two-way street".
Reach out!! It is HARD. Hard-hard. Super-hard. But more often than not you will find that people are waiting in the wings to even just lend a listening ear, because you & your boys are more important to them than their moral soapbox or personal opinions.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 205
Do you attend Al-Anon or Nar-Anon? I can promise you that you won't be embarrassed to share anything in that group. And unfortunately, a lot of people will have worse stories than you do.
Try not to worry so much what other people think. This isn't something that other people can understand if they haven't been through it. Just worry about what is best for you.
Try not to worry so much what other people think. This isn't something that other people can understand if they haven't been through it. Just worry about what is best for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 6
Yes! All the time. You feel so stupid and eventually stop telling family/friends as they just judge, "oh I would walk away" easier said than done. Especially when you have family/friends events organised, I don't want them to know he's used again so I act fine and I guess he just thinks it's over with.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
It is amazing the lies they can come up w on the spot......watering the plant lol....... I guess everything gets easier w practice......even lying. My ex addict bf.....went to rehab this morning.......last I saw was a week and a half ago when I loaned him 120 dollars so he could get to Manhattan to play a gig.......in that week an a half......his car was stolen along w his guitar and amp plus his money and phone......he went on a heroin binge and was last seen w a fellow female junkie. I have not seen my money.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2
My husband is also a compulsive liar and professional pill popper. He completed 1 week of rehab/detox a couple weeks ago but has been stealing MY adderall since he's been home. I am completely & utterly embarrassed when we're out together. I totally understand where you're coming from. You are not alone
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
to many my ABF was the life of the party. Users especially loved him. Outgoing, funny, told everyone what they wanted to hear. Danced, sang ... It was always a great time - to non users, he was just what he was. High on something.
And yes, at times I was embarrassed. He would follow me thru a store with a whoopee cushion .... just not funny after the first 10 times !
be strong and work on you.
And yes, at times I was embarrassed. He would follow me thru a store with a whoopee cushion .... just not funny after the first 10 times !
be strong and work on you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Marietta, OH
Posts: 22
I also understand the embarrassment. My family and my friends know he is an addict. But most of the time, I hide what is going on. And also, it's hard when they want to tell you what to do and how to do it and it is great advice...but much harder to implement. And then if you don't leave them...I worry about the judgement from them as they wonder why I'm so stupid for staying in the marriage...I'm already judging myself.
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