My Bf is addicted to Heroin
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 4
My Bf is addicted to Heroin
My boyfriend and I have been on and off for 5 yrs! He became an addicted over 15 yrs ago during high school and college starting with marijuana then pills etc he ended up getting arrested senior yr in college and going to jail because of it! While in jail his cell mate taught him how to shoot pills and when he was released he relapsed and relapsed shooting up! Again he was arrested for selling under the influence etc and was then admitted to rehab by his parents! I grew up with his sister and always cared for him... We dated then on and off but only about 5 yrs ago as adults did we start dating exclusively... For the most part he was happy but struggling with getting a job bc of his record and became depressed ... He admitted finally that he has been doing heroin on and off for a couple mos. Recently.... But I have now learned from his family and others thats its been alot longer than that and that I just did not want to see it and maybe they were right... But his 11 yr old son who he had with a girl he dated yrs ago briefly was a heroin addict as well and his son recently found needles in his car! He has avoided me for wks at one point then admitted what he was doing and asked me to come and take it out of his house.. When i got there I will never forget what I saw, and how he looked but i did not judge him... And he promised he would get back on his Suboxone but now his mom and i have learned he's selling his suboxone and buying heroin again ... He told me that he doesn't want to bring me down with him but I feel
Like that is just a way to push me away so he doesn't have to hide and lie and be paranoid about what he is doing ..he says he wants help but then he continues to sell his suboxone for heroin ... I just feel helpless and i don't know what to do but i love him and his mom even said that their family has even come to terms with his addiction and have made piece that he may in fact die bc of this and they continue to give him all the money and pay for whatever he needs... I cannot accept that! I love him and know he can do this but then i wonder was he ever clean!? Pls help!
Like that is just a way to push me away so he doesn't have to hide and lie and be paranoid about what he is doing ..he says he wants help but then he continues to sell his suboxone for heroin ... I just feel helpless and i don't know what to do but i love him and his mom even said that their family has even come to terms with his addiction and have made piece that he may in fact die bc of this and they continue to give him all the money and pay for whatever he needs... I cannot accept that! I love him and know he can do this but then i wonder was he ever clean!? Pls help!
Last edited by Erica1982; 06-02-2015 at 11:01 AM. Reason: Grammer
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Erica, and Welcome to SR!
You have found a great place for support! I have moved your thread into the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum so that it will get the attention it deserves. Things can be a little more quiet here in the family forum
Please know that you are not alone here.
Seren
You have found a great place for support! I have moved your thread into the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum so that it will get the attention it deserves. Things can be a little more quiet here in the family forum
Please know that you are not alone here.
Seren
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
My son (24 yo) has been a heroin addict for 5 years or so. He is currently in rehab for the TWELFTH time. I love him with my whole heart but I have one rule: If he's using, we don't communicate and I never, never, never give him money. He has told me on many occasions that this is the very best thing I can do and losing a relationship with his family is the strongest motivator he has to get sober.
He's tried so very hard. I can't imagine the numerous ways he's suffered, but he just has not yet been able to beat this thing. I, too, have long ago accepted that he will likely die from this addiction. He has overdosed seven times that I know of. I'm sure the number is higher than that.
He's involved with a precious young lady who loves him like crazy but she is very naive. Although I am tempted to tell her to run like the wind, I have resisted. She's going to do whatever she's going to do no matter what I say about it anyway, so I don't get involved like that. But I will tell you.
Run like the wind. Run fast and don't look back.
The chances are very good, especially since his parents are enabling him, that his addiction will last as long as he is alive. Heroin is the Beast of All Drugs and it will take years to beat it, if he ever does.
If you choose to stay, the best thing you can do is learn everything you can about heroin addiction and how to cope with being in a relationship with an addict so that you don't lose yourself (or all your resources) in the process. Reach out for support here or with a local Al-Anon group or attend family classes at rehab centers. Read everything you can about how NOT to be an enabler.
Glad you found SR. Welcome.
He's tried so very hard. I can't imagine the numerous ways he's suffered, but he just has not yet been able to beat this thing. I, too, have long ago accepted that he will likely die from this addiction. He has overdosed seven times that I know of. I'm sure the number is higher than that.
He's involved with a precious young lady who loves him like crazy but she is very naive. Although I am tempted to tell her to run like the wind, I have resisted. She's going to do whatever she's going to do no matter what I say about it anyway, so I don't get involved like that. But I will tell you.
Run like the wind. Run fast and don't look back.
The chances are very good, especially since his parents are enabling him, that his addiction will last as long as he is alive. Heroin is the Beast of All Drugs and it will take years to beat it, if he ever does.
If you choose to stay, the best thing you can do is learn everything you can about heroin addiction and how to cope with being in a relationship with an addict so that you don't lose yourself (or all your resources) in the process. Reach out for support here or with a local Al-Anon group or attend family classes at rehab centers. Read everything you can about how NOT to be an enabler.
Glad you found SR. Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
his odds are slim. Heroin has a death grip on anyone who uses. My ABF lost his battle in March. It's the saddest thing i have ever been thru. He was the most amazing man and yet could be mean, a liar, disappear, etc. I see now all of the things that i wish i had done and those that i wish i hadnt. there are no more chances, Do what is right for YOU.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 45
Erica1982
First off let me say that I am so sorry you are going through this. Living with this addiction is soul crushing and it never seems to get better.
As someone who has recently gone through this I wanted to go through your post and how I can relate to your situation.
First off, you are finding out slowly who he really is and let me tell you that never ends, I feel like I was finding out new stuff about my ex everyday and the more I found out the more it crushed my heart.
Second he is lying to you because as I see it the heroin is making him lie and it never ends, even when they promise you they will stop lying or they promise you they will stop using , they don't, they tell you what you want to hear because addicts are excellent con artists, they have to be to survive.
Third, you said you went to his house and saw what he looked like and if you stay with him ( and I am not telling you what to do because its your decision all I can do is tell you what I have been through) you will probably see him a lot worse, I thought I had seen my ex at his worst in 2013 when he relapsed the second time and was so sick he was begging for the pain to stop, that was until he disappeared in dec 2014 and came back after a 2 week binge and he lost about 20 lbs and he looked like the walking dead.
fourth, you say you say you know he can beat this and I really hate to tell you this but that's your heart telling you he can beat this because you want him to not because hes strong enough to. My ex told me all the time he doesn't want to use but yet hes gone again . they may not want to use but the hold that heroin has on them is stronger than them. I have been telling myself for the past 2 years that my ex will beat this addiction and he hasn't done it so far, and I have to accept the fact that hes most likely going to die from this. Do I want that? of course not but I cant stop it and I can no longer allow my life to be consumed with his addiction. Letting him go has been the hardest thing I have had to do but I cant watch him die, nor can I live a life of him disappearing for weeks at a time to use and then come back to sober up and get his life back on track just to fall back on the needle.
Like I said I wont tell you what to do because youre going to do what you think is right until you hit rock bottom like I did and can walk away on your own. Just remember to take care of yourself, give yourself some time everyday for yourself and if it does get to hard you have people here who are hear for you and if you do decide to walk away don't feel guilty, you have to live your life to and you deserve happiness, don't let his addiction become your addiction.
I am always here if you want to talk
Hugs to you
First off let me say that I am so sorry you are going through this. Living with this addiction is soul crushing and it never seems to get better.
As someone who has recently gone through this I wanted to go through your post and how I can relate to your situation.
First off, you are finding out slowly who he really is and let me tell you that never ends, I feel like I was finding out new stuff about my ex everyday and the more I found out the more it crushed my heart.
Second he is lying to you because as I see it the heroin is making him lie and it never ends, even when they promise you they will stop lying or they promise you they will stop using , they don't, they tell you what you want to hear because addicts are excellent con artists, they have to be to survive.
Third, you said you went to his house and saw what he looked like and if you stay with him ( and I am not telling you what to do because its your decision all I can do is tell you what I have been through) you will probably see him a lot worse, I thought I had seen my ex at his worst in 2013 when he relapsed the second time and was so sick he was begging for the pain to stop, that was until he disappeared in dec 2014 and came back after a 2 week binge and he lost about 20 lbs and he looked like the walking dead.
fourth, you say you say you know he can beat this and I really hate to tell you this but that's your heart telling you he can beat this because you want him to not because hes strong enough to. My ex told me all the time he doesn't want to use but yet hes gone again . they may not want to use but the hold that heroin has on them is stronger than them. I have been telling myself for the past 2 years that my ex will beat this addiction and he hasn't done it so far, and I have to accept the fact that hes most likely going to die from this. Do I want that? of course not but I cant stop it and I can no longer allow my life to be consumed with his addiction. Letting him go has been the hardest thing I have had to do but I cant watch him die, nor can I live a life of him disappearing for weeks at a time to use and then come back to sober up and get his life back on track just to fall back on the needle.
Like I said I wont tell you what to do because youre going to do what you think is right until you hit rock bottom like I did and can walk away on your own. Just remember to take care of yourself, give yourself some time everyday for yourself and if it does get to hard you have people here who are hear for you and if you do decide to walk away don't feel guilty, you have to live your life to and you deserve happiness, don't let his addiction become your addiction.
I am always here if you want to talk
Hugs to you
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Addicts don't have families, they have hostages. I know you don't want to hear or believe what everyone on here has said to you because it is so ugly and hard but it's unfortunately the truth, borne of long, painful experience. My husband isn't a heroin addict, his drug of choice is crack but the lying and never ending promises are the same. It's a rough go. I'm grateful that I'm just a garden variety alcoholic. I've been married now for ten years and really, it's been painful. If I had only known what it would mean, I don't know that I would have chosen this life. Or maybe, blindly, I would have, based on the hope that my love and care would make it better. I think I probably would have ignored the warnings because I'm different. Sadly, those warnings would have been right. Take care of you first. You can't make him get sober. Stick around for support.
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