Baby daddy getting high, preying on women
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Baby daddy getting high, preying on women
So I am 6 months pregnant and I have suspected for a long time that my EXABF/Father of my unborn daughter has been getting high. Money would go missing, he would be late on rent, lie after lie after lie after lie.
He was recently terminated from our addiction treatment job. He lied about why more than once. The truth came out and it turns out that he was crossing boundaries with female clients, trying to form a relationship, leaving them notes and even asking on client for naked pictures in exchange for money.
I kicked him out when he got terminated and in the last week all this has come out along with the fact that he was getting high for months.
I am so angry. I am partially to blame for allowing him to leave with me despite what I expected but here I am 6 months pregnant and he's living with me while using AND taking advantage of vulnerable women.
I feel terrible for my daughter and so scared and stressed and sad that I have to go to family court and take away at least some of his right. I want my daughter to know her father but not if he's using and acting in a predatory manner.
We are going no contact, and I don't plan to tell him when I go into labor or allow him to be there for her birth. I feel guilty "robbing" him of this experience but at the same time it's my right and we wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for his actions.
Yet I can't help but feel like I owe him something because he is her Father. My parents who will be helping me with baby, want me to have nothing to do with him at all ever but I'm not sure that's what i want and I'm pretty sure the courts won't completely strip him of his parental rights.
I'm just stressed and angry and disappointed thanks for listening.
He was recently terminated from our addiction treatment job. He lied about why more than once. The truth came out and it turns out that he was crossing boundaries with female clients, trying to form a relationship, leaving them notes and even asking on client for naked pictures in exchange for money.
I kicked him out when he got terminated and in the last week all this has come out along with the fact that he was getting high for months.
I am so angry. I am partially to blame for allowing him to leave with me despite what I expected but here I am 6 months pregnant and he's living with me while using AND taking advantage of vulnerable women.
I feel terrible for my daughter and so scared and stressed and sad that I have to go to family court and take away at least some of his right. I want my daughter to know her father but not if he's using and acting in a predatory manner.
We are going no contact, and I don't plan to tell him when I go into labor or allow him to be there for her birth. I feel guilty "robbing" him of this experience but at the same time it's my right and we wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for his actions.
Yet I can't help but feel like I owe him something because he is her Father. My parents who will be helping me with baby, want me to have nothing to do with him at all ever but I'm not sure that's what i want and I'm pretty sure the courts won't completely strip him of his parental rights.
I'm just stressed and angry and disappointed thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
I know it's not appropriate to give advice, but after years and years of battling my ex for custody of our kids because he has REPEATEDLY endangered them and the court system is hell bent on joint custody, regardless of how detrimental it may be to the kids, I'll just say this:
If I could go back in time, I would have never put that man's name on their birth certificates. And I'd be in a much, much different place today.
If I could go back in time, I would have never put that man's name on their birth certificates. And I'd be in a much, much different place today.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Fenway.
Well, he is your child’s biological father, but he sure doesn’t act like a father to be.
I would say, and apologies in advance if this sounds harsh, that ypu really don’t owe him anything, that he has not been forthright with you, and doesn’t deserve to be in your and your child’s lives.
Maybe, someday, if he gets his act together becomes a solid human being, you can revisit his relationship with his daughter, but right now?
Nah.
Well, he is your child’s biological father, but he sure doesn’t act like a father to be.
I would say, and apologies in advance if this sounds harsh, that ypu really don’t owe him anything, that he has not been forthright with you, and doesn’t deserve to be in your and your child’s lives.
Maybe, someday, if he gets his act together becomes a solid human being, you can revisit his relationship with his daughter, but right now?
Nah.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it seems like you are the only one concerned about the child having a FATHER. the person who biological contributed to the conception sure isn't!!!
right now you HAVE to focus on creating a healthy positive environment - one that does not have drugs and addiction and predators and any other crazy crap in it. it's no good for you or the baby. every minute of stress YOU feel, the baby feels. every moment of uncertainty, anger, etc.
he's not the worth the time and trouble. he has nothing ELSE to contribute. let him go. i imagine he will go quite easily, rather than be saddled with grown up responsibilities.
right now you HAVE to focus on creating a healthy positive environment - one that does not have drugs and addiction and predators and any other crazy crap in it. it's no good for you or the baby. every minute of stress YOU feel, the baby feels. every moment of uncertainty, anger, etc.
he's not the worth the time and trouble. he has nothing ELSE to contribute. let him go. i imagine he will go quite easily, rather than be saddled with grown up responsibilities.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs 
I know it's not appropriate to give advice, but after years and years of battling my ex for custody of our kids because he has REPEATEDLY endangered them and the court system is hell bent on joint custody, regardless of how detrimental it may be to the kids, I'll just say this:
If I could go back in time, I would have never put that man's name on their birth certificates. And I'd be in a much, much different place today.
If I could go back in time, I would have never put that man's name on their birth certificates. And I'd be in a much, much different place today.
Now I don't think he's a fit parent right now and would hope the courts agree. If anything I would hope the most he gets is supervised visits, or maybe we can come to an agreement that he will get himself together for a year before he's really part of her life but I doubt he'll go for that.
I mean I'm getting a lawyer and will do what I can to prevent him from seeing her for the time being but if he can get his s*** together and be a better man then I won't be able to stop him from seeing her.
You would think he would take the ticket out but he says he wants to be a part of her life. But he says a lot of things. And if he continues to use he won't be showing up the court/be able to hire a lawyer etc. Nor will he be able to pay child support.
Anyway he says he's going to treatment but that's probably another lie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
A child is not safe in a home where addiction lives or in even temporary custody of an active addict. Whatever your choices, keep that in mind.
I am glad your parents will help and support you through all this. Your baby is already blessed and I wish you both much joy.
I am glad your parents will help and support you through all this. Your baby is already blessed and I wish you both much joy.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Fenway - research the laws in your state.
In California, where I live, single fathers have no parental rights. Even if their name is on the birth certificate. Even if they have a DNA test that proves they're the father. In order to get parental rights they have to go to court. I went through this with a friend, a single dad to a child with an alcoholic mom. It's terribly unfair to the single dads but that's how it is.
You don't owe him anything simply because he's the biological father. If he wants to take responsibility, financial and emotional, for his daughter that's different. But it sure doesn't sound like that's where this is going.
I hope he changes his tune and steps up for you and the baby.
In California, where I live, single fathers have no parental rights. Even if their name is on the birth certificate. Even if they have a DNA test that proves they're the father. In order to get parental rights they have to go to court. I went through this with a friend, a single dad to a child with an alcoholic mom. It's terribly unfair to the single dads but that's how it is.
You don't owe him anything simply because he's the biological father. If he wants to take responsibility, financial and emotional, for his daughter that's different. But it sure doesn't sound like that's where this is going.
I hope he changes his tune and steps up for you and the baby.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Thanks guys
I don’t know why I feel so guilty
I guess because I am an addict too so I have sympathy for what it’s like but I also know it’s up to the addict to take responsibility to recover.
He still hasn’t gone to treatment and I’ve been paying the doctors bills etc. I had to turn down a promotion at work Bc even with it I couldn’t afford child care or to be a single mom with no family support since they are all 1500 miles away
I don’t know if I’m ready to be a Mom but I am trying to stay sober and so the right things for my daughter and my recovery
Can’t say the same for him
I do feel guilty that I have to rely on my Mom and Dad at 30 years old but I am greatful to have that option
I don’t know why I feel so guilty
I guess because I am an addict too so I have sympathy for what it’s like but I also know it’s up to the addict to take responsibility to recover.
He still hasn’t gone to treatment and I’ve been paying the doctors bills etc. I had to turn down a promotion at work Bc even with it I couldn’t afford child care or to be a single mom with no family support since they are all 1500 miles away
I don’t know if I’m ready to be a Mom but I am trying to stay sober and so the right things for my daughter and my recovery
Can’t say the same for him
I do feel guilty that I have to rely on my Mom and Dad at 30 years old but I am greatful to have that option
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
He’s still not in treatment claims “insurance problems” but he has Medicaid and I spoke to a contact of mine who said they can verify his ins on a weekend and before he gets his card which are his two excuses, I gave him options and bed openings, if he doesn’t want to get himself help than clearly being apart of my daughters life isn’t important to him
I move home in 3 weeks and will begin the process of hiring a lawyer
If he doesn’t want to act like a man or a father then he shouldn’t be given those rights
I move home in 3 weeks and will begin the process of hiring a lawyer
If he doesn’t want to act like a man or a father then he shouldn’t be given those rights
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