Five Years Here, So Sad to Still Be Here - Page 13 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Friends and Family > Friends and Family of Substance Abusers
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read




Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-11-2017, 05:23 AM   #241 (permalink)
Member
 
alterity's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 338
Blog Entries: 1
I didn't mention that one of my aunts (Aunt1), one of the people who confirmed that S2 did indeed receive $ from Dad (hence lied to me), insisted on getting involved. Aunt1 persistently said that she would talk to Dad to have him sort it out but I didn't want to get into it with her that night because she was drinking. I didn't want it to become an even more emotional conversation than it already was.

Anyway, I cc'ed her that email I sent to my sisters because I wanted her to back off and leave Dad out of it. Her son has been in recovery a couple years now (he's the cousin of mine who when to Caron) so she used some recovery language in talking to me about the situation such as "deep resentments are involved" etc.

I replied something about how I had established boundaries with my immediate family in 2012 and that is why I was compelled to set the record straight so that I was not to be maligned. This raised some very interesting recovery issues that I have been thinking a lot about lately. In particular, what is one person's boundary setting is another person's resentment harboring.
alterity is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-12-2017, 07:30 AM   #242 (permalink)
Community Greeter
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 9,796
Blog Entries: 10
It's a shame none of your dad's transactions were put in writing. That would settle that.

I would say if they are named in the LLC if they choose not to buy you out, they should begin paying for any other fees (insurance, taxes, etc).

Sorry you are dealing with this. Unfortunately, money and families don't mix. A person should have a will, and be done with it.

Hugs.
__________________
"I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry, and accept an apology I never received
hopeful4 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to hopeful4 For This Useful Post:
alterity (06-19-2017)
Old 06-12-2017, 07:40 AM   #243 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2017
Location: Winnetka. ca
Posts: 14
"You did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it."

This is such a good reminder for those of us with drug addicted children. I also feel I "caused his issues" but I have a daughter who is a fine upstanding member of society and I paid less attention to her as a child, than my son with his asthma and anxiety.

There's no saying what the cause is for addiction. I let my son know he is loved and allow him the dignity of his journey, knowing full well all the bad news his choices can lead to.

I have to keep working on myself and enjoying the life in front of me and not giving into worry and obsession. He's in God's hands.
ArtMachine is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ArtMachine For This Useful Post:
alterity (06-19-2017), hopeful4 (06-19-2017)
Old 06-19-2017, 04:23 AM   #244 (permalink)
Member
 
alterity's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 338
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks Maudcat, Hopeful, and ArtMachine.

I've been away from SR for a little while dealing with my husband's doctor appointments and tests. We will be going to Boston in a few weeks to get second opinions from Massachusetts General Hospital and the Dana Farber Cancer Institute.

Through all of this recent turmoil, I have noticed that I have an increased desire to drink or do drugs myself. I have completely abstained from drugs, something that was problematic for me a few decades ago, and have not increased my alcohol consumption, which has always been rare to occasional. However, I have found my thoughts going towards getting drunk or high which clearly indicate a need for relief from the psychological pain of late.

When my husband was going through the scare of possibly needing cardiac intervention (the possible outcomes ranged from needing a stent to open heart surgery which would have delayed his cancer treatment for months, in the former case, if not years, in the latter case), the stress was unbelievable. It was almost as bad as when he was in the ER with congestive heart failure Feb 27 to Mar 1. Thankfully, no intervention was needed and he was cleared for surgery which took place one month ago (I probably already mentioned this). His recovery has been going great, so that's good. He cannot drink because of diabetes and cancer; but he, like myself, doesn't drink much anyway. He has to stay on a relatively strict diet which helps me stay on track with my own diet.

I haven't received any updates about B since the family gathering a few weeks ago. Nor have I asked. I sent Dad a Fathers Day card with a letter in an attempt to help Dad forgive himself and let go. I encouraged him to detach in a gentle way. Praying he does to the extent that is needed for both himself and B.
alterity is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to alterity For This Useful Post:
hopeful4 (06-19-2017), Maudcat (06-19-2017)
Old 06-19-2017, 06:23 AM   #245 (permalink)
Community Greeter
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 9,796
Blog Entries: 10
Sending you big hugs and lots of support friend. Please don't turn to alcohol or drugs in your own life, you know of the trauma that will bring.

We are here...
__________________
"I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry, and accept an apology I never received
hopeful4 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to hopeful4 For This Useful Post:
alterity (Today)
Old Today, 09:28 AM   #246 (permalink)
Member
 
alterity's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 338
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks, hopeful. Your message thwarted my intentions of drinking that night (6/19) and I haven't had a drink since whenever it was that I drank last (sometime around the beginning of June).

I got a call on Friday from B. He told me that he had left the rehab about a week before Fathers Day because he had drank very strong coffee there that was causing him to think erratically and to be impulsive. Since he is a stimulant addict with brain chemistry that is fragile and on the edge, I can totally believe that. Turns out, however, that he went back to the Jersey shore area and got his old job back right away including greater number of hours per week which he needs in order to get by financially. He stayed at the homeless shelter for a week, toughing out the rough schedule of being woken every morning at 5:30am after ending long work shifts at 1pm.

When Dad found out that he had left the rehab, he severed ties with B. As warned, if he left, Dad would no longer support him financially. In order for Dad to stick to his guns with this, he has had to close down communication between him and B.

Fortunately, within a week, he secured a place in a sober living house so his schedule eased tremendously. On Fathers Day, B moved in to the sober house, which is managed by a man who has the same name as Dad. Quite the coincidence, we think. I'd call it kismet.

In our conversation, B recognized that he had been taking sports supplements that "people say" where causing him to have schizophrenic symptoms. It has only taken B two years to realize this? Or maybe this is just the first time that I have heard it from his own mouth. He's taking meds and sounds very depressed (very dangerous side effect of anti-psychotics). On the positive side, it sounds like he has some sort of support around him that doesn't include family so he can make decisions for himself and live as independently as possible under the circumstances. He speaks with his mother daily, which is also a good thing.

Small steps in the right direction.... (despite what Dad thinks) Everything fell into place for B. The only thing that did not work out was Dad's efforts to control him.
alterity is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:33 PM.