My daughter is an opiate addict, what can I do to make it stop!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
Welcome Dita. I too am the mother of an opiate addict addicted to heroin. He, thankfully, does not have children, so I'm sure the challenges you face of raising your DD's children and all else are great. However, no matter how much I've done, I cannot cure my AS of his disease of addiction. I love it when he is'back' and not lost in the 'bliss' of a heroin high. It has been years of praying, hoping, helping, enabling, etc...however, only he can decide when he's done, as has been discussed here.
BTW...I have many resources if you live in Los Angeles area and would be happy to share them with you. Usually, most rehabs here want you to go through detox first and come into their program clean, which was always frustrating before, since detox had such a long waiting list of months at times, so it just prolonged him staying with me. Maybe it's different with oxy. But I'd be happy to share some programs and avenues that can shortcut the detox wait to a week or few days and help with rehab placement. Many programs take social service benefits to pay for treatment, if she has any. I've been through what you're going thru and am now, in terms of finding something that is the best fit for my AS., (right now looking for sober living). Fact is, it is hard to find the best fit.....I have found myself trying to satisfy my AS's needs, wants, etc to get him into an acceptable treatment facility and even when I found a good one that cost a lot for me, it didn't make the difference.
The one thing that does make the difference is when the addict themselves want to stop using or at least seek alternatives to the self medicating. Usually this happens when they hit a real bottom, which it doesn't sound like is the case her.
Since your DD has children, perhaps that will motivate her to stop, especially if she realizes her children could be taken from her by Child Services or had to intervene to legally prevent her from seeing her children again unless she does get clean. I know that's a scary thought, but it is a reality and something your son in law and you can report. Maybe her even knowing that this is a real possibility might wake her up a bit. I've known many addicts who are motivated by a desire to get clean for their children's sakes and to be with them, especially when there are legal ramifications involved. The county can also help find a court ordered facility for rehab, that will be on the county's nickel if it comes to that.
I hope you do find a place for her, but realize nothing will be the right fit if she doesn't want to turn her life around. I so understand your struggle and pain and pray you find a solution. Definitely seeking support for yourself is important as has been shared here.
Prayers and hugs.....
BTW...I have many resources if you live in Los Angeles area and would be happy to share them with you. Usually, most rehabs here want you to go through detox first and come into their program clean, which was always frustrating before, since detox had such a long waiting list of months at times, so it just prolonged him staying with me. Maybe it's different with oxy. But I'd be happy to share some programs and avenues that can shortcut the detox wait to a week or few days and help with rehab placement. Many programs take social service benefits to pay for treatment, if she has any. I've been through what you're going thru and am now, in terms of finding something that is the best fit for my AS., (right now looking for sober living). Fact is, it is hard to find the best fit.....I have found myself trying to satisfy my AS's needs, wants, etc to get him into an acceptable treatment facility and even when I found a good one that cost a lot for me, it didn't make the difference.
The one thing that does make the difference is when the addict themselves want to stop using or at least seek alternatives to the self medicating. Usually this happens when they hit a real bottom, which it doesn't sound like is the case her.
Since your DD has children, perhaps that will motivate her to stop, especially if she realizes her children could be taken from her by Child Services or had to intervene to legally prevent her from seeing her children again unless she does get clean. I know that's a scary thought, but it is a reality and something your son in law and you can report. Maybe her even knowing that this is a real possibility might wake her up a bit. I've known many addicts who are motivated by a desire to get clean for their children's sakes and to be with them, especially when there are legal ramifications involved. The county can also help find a court ordered facility for rehab, that will be on the county's nickel if it comes to that.
I hope you do find a place for her, but realize nothing will be the right fit if she doesn't want to turn her life around. I so understand your struggle and pain and pray you find a solution. Definitely seeking support for yourself is important as has been shared here.
Prayers and hugs.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 12
All of you are so fantastic. Thank you for taking the time to post your comments, they mean a lot to me and I am learning so much. I need all of the support I can get, I have only told one of my closest friends as this is an embarrassing situation for me to discuss. I suppose as a mother I somehow feel that I have done something wrong along they way in raising her. It is hard to say that my daughter is a junkie. It is hard for me to grasp how anyone can get to this point, especially my daughter who was a bubbly teenage cheerleader and all around good girl all through middle and high school. It is so heartbreaking. And I worry about my granddaughters future in respect to their mother and wondering how it will all pan out in the years to come. But for now, I am taking it one day at a time trying not to drive myself crazy over it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
it is so heartbreaking isn't it? Also have a son addicted to Heroin. And a beautiful 2 YO granddaughter who we currently have legal custody of while he is in jail and mom is in rehab.
As my therapist often tells me, "come back,,,,,,come back to today". She reminds me I need to try and live in the moment and be mindful of even the littlest things around me. Thinking too much about the future can be much to painful and overwhelming for me, so I try hard to do as she suggests.
Just wanted to send you a quick note of support!
WWD
As my therapist often tells me, "come back,,,,,,come back to today". She reminds me I need to try and live in the moment and be mindful of even the littlest things around me. Thinking too much about the future can be much to painful and overwhelming for me, so I try hard to do as she suggests.
Just wanted to send you a quick note of support!
WWD
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Hello Dita, I am another mother of a recovering heroin addict. She is 10 months clean and 7 months pregnant. She is now on a methadone program and has had great success so far with her program.
Just a few thoughts to share:
Please don't think of your dear daughter as a "junkie." She has a disease, and any addiction medicine M.D. wouldn't hesitate tell you that, too.
Shame is a hard one to work through, I know, but now that I have done my work with it, every time I have shared my daughter's struggles with addiction, I have found support, encouragement, and compassion. And nearly every time the person I am talking to knows someone with an opiate addiction, from all walks of life: honor students, athletes, artists, scholars, you name it.
There are some great books on this topic: Beautiful Boy, Clean, Addict in the Family, and many others. I encourage you to read, read, read!
And just so you don't think I am "free from worry" about my recovering addict, I have learned to accept the idea that others here have mentioned: she will be in recovery for a very long time; she may relapse; she's having a baby; her husband is a recovering addict--he might relapse; I might have to care for this baby someday; and every day, I have to work to stay in the day I am in.
Stick around. We are here for you!
Just a few thoughts to share:
Please don't think of your dear daughter as a "junkie." She has a disease, and any addiction medicine M.D. wouldn't hesitate tell you that, too.
Shame is a hard one to work through, I know, but now that I have done my work with it, every time I have shared my daughter's struggles with addiction, I have found support, encouragement, and compassion. And nearly every time the person I am talking to knows someone with an opiate addiction, from all walks of life: honor students, athletes, artists, scholars, you name it.
There are some great books on this topic: Beautiful Boy, Clean, Addict in the Family, and many others. I encourage you to read, read, read!
And just so you don't think I am "free from worry" about my recovering addict, I have learned to accept the idea that others here have mentioned: she will be in recovery for a very long time; she may relapse; she's having a baby; her husband is a recovering addict--he might relapse; I might have to care for this baby someday; and every day, I have to work to stay in the day I am in.
Stick around. We are here for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 12
Hey guys! I have been crazy busy with life, grand babies, and my daughter. I haven't check in here in a while. For the first time, she is crying out for help. She is checking into a facility next week, it is a 42 day program. She has been going to an NA meeting everyday for the last 6 days straight. I have attended two of them with her, it has been all her idea. I pray to God above that she continues to want the help. Thank you for the encouraging words. I feel like I need therapy going through all of this. My instinct is to give her a good ass whipping like my mother would have given me, but I know that will do no good. It is so hard as a mother to hear all my friends and her husband talk badly about her, even though the things they are saying are true! It rips my heart into pieces. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I will keep your daughter in my prayers. My daughter is 5+ years clean from IV opiates, one day at a time.
You have every right to ask them to please respect you and stop doing that in your presence. Be kind to yourself!
Originally Posted by Dita 
It is so hard as a mother to hear all my friends and her husband talk badly about her, even though the things they are saying are true! It rips my heart into pieces.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
It is a great sign that she is pursuing treatment and meetings on her own, Dita.
While it may be that the facts of what other family members are saying about your AD are valid, that doesn't mean such things have to be said in a judgmental and hurtful way. I agree with Chino--ask them to not speak that way about her because it hurts YOU, too. Really, it's not good for anyone, them included. I have dealt with this in the ICU from residents, family members, etc. so I know how it hurts. Speaking up is not only good self-care, but sets an example.
While it may be that the facts of what other family members are saying about your AD are valid, that doesn't mean such things have to be said in a judgmental and hurtful way. I agree with Chino--ask them to not speak that way about her because it hurts YOU, too. Really, it's not good for anyone, them included. I have dealt with this in the ICU from residents, family members, etc. so I know how it hurts. Speaking up is not only good self-care, but sets an example.
lesa
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: parkersburg wv
Posts: 157
Sorry ..I know what you mean my daughter uses whatever ..she lost her kids and everything due to it ..I love her and made my mind up not to help her to get high so she got no money or anything from me..she went to rehab for 28 days now I see what she does when she gets out..I pray for her and you ..Yes work on you .easier said then done ..I know ,,
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