Your gut instinct is ALWAYS right!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Houston, tx
Posts: 32
Your gut instinct is ALWAYS right!
Thought i would share this email I sent to my dad back when me and my ex had been dating 5 months...
So yesterday EXAB and I were playing around with the idea of getting pierced (my ears) and he wanted another hole in his ears. At which point he said that he wanted to make a phone call and get us some Vicodin. I flipped out. He knows how I am so ridiculously against drugs. And that is a huge red flag. He immediately apologized and said it was stupid and a lapse in judgement. Obviously he has a past with drugs (who doesn't, honestly) but it was like in his early twenties.
So I don't know what to do now. I like him tons and tons, and there has been no other indicator or any current drug use. But still. And even though it was only Vicodin, it wouldn't be prescribed and therefore highly illegal. And he has his radiology license, c'mon man. I don't know.
I remember this day...I remember wanting to walk away that instant. I remember, as he put it, that I was making something out of nothing... That I was being "dramatic" and again at that point I had NO CLUE. NO CLUE AT ALL PEOPLE. And I much much later found out he was doing 200mgs of hydrocodone daily at this point.
I miss the companionship (what little there was towards the end) but I gotta say, I don't miss OBSESSING over every little thing. Love is work- but not that much. I'm getting back to my old self again, which is so awesome. I'm going out again, meeting new people, being my old social butterfly self. It was my birthday yesterday, and though this is very stupid...last year I only had like 20 or so people write on my facebook. I was a hermit with the boyfriend...this year...over 100. Again it's silly and stupid, but this is who I used to be. I was never home, always had plans, had tons of friends. Feels good getting back to me
K hope this helps someone, anyone, always trust your gut, ALWAYS.
So yesterday EXAB and I were playing around with the idea of getting pierced (my ears) and he wanted another hole in his ears. At which point he said that he wanted to make a phone call and get us some Vicodin. I flipped out. He knows how I am so ridiculously against drugs. And that is a huge red flag. He immediately apologized and said it was stupid and a lapse in judgement. Obviously he has a past with drugs (who doesn't, honestly) but it was like in his early twenties.
So I don't know what to do now. I like him tons and tons, and there has been no other indicator or any current drug use. But still. And even though it was only Vicodin, it wouldn't be prescribed and therefore highly illegal. And he has his radiology license, c'mon man. I don't know.
I remember this day...I remember wanting to walk away that instant. I remember, as he put it, that I was making something out of nothing... That I was being "dramatic" and again at that point I had NO CLUE. NO CLUE AT ALL PEOPLE. And I much much later found out he was doing 200mgs of hydrocodone daily at this point.
I miss the companionship (what little there was towards the end) but I gotta say, I don't miss OBSESSING over every little thing. Love is work- but not that much. I'm getting back to my old self again, which is so awesome. I'm going out again, meeting new people, being my old social butterfly self. It was my birthday yesterday, and though this is very stupid...last year I only had like 20 or so people write on my facebook. I was a hermit with the boyfriend...this year...over 100. Again it's silly and stupid, but this is who I used to be. I was never home, always had plans, had tons of friends. Feels good getting back to me
K hope this helps someone, anyone, always trust your gut, ALWAYS.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Happiness was never meant to be sacrificed because someone else stole the joy out of each day, it was meant to be shared with those who bring joy to us.
You sound at peace and truly happy with your life today. Once we realize that we are powerless over addiction and our lives have become unmanageable, we have taken the first step of 12, the most important step of all. The rest is just rebuilding our lives on a solid, healthy foundation.
Hugs
You sound at peace and truly happy with your life today. Once we realize that we are powerless over addiction and our lives have become unmanageable, we have taken the first step of 12, the most important step of all. The rest is just rebuilding our lives on a solid, healthy foundation.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
......and if your gut instinct ( or mate 'picker' ) is busted,
get a dog! If "Mr. Wonderful " elicits a low growl from
Fido...........just remember Fido doesn't screen things through
an overactive cortex like we do.....Fido does not WANT to
believe ANYTHING. He/she only knows gut feeling.
There are millions of rescue puppies waiting to be adopted by
loving homes.......and very few of them are incapable of unconditional
love ( and fewer still who will go out at 2am for a pack of smokes,
e.g. blow the rent money on vikes)
get a dog! If "Mr. Wonderful " elicits a low growl from
Fido...........just remember Fido doesn't screen things through
an overactive cortex like we do.....Fido does not WANT to
believe ANYTHING. He/she only knows gut feeling.
There are millions of rescue puppies waiting to be adopted by
loving homes.......and very few of them are incapable of unconditional
love ( and fewer still who will go out at 2am for a pack of smokes,
e.g. blow the rent money on vikes)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Yes. Absolutely. You should always, ALWAYS give yourself the benefit of the doubt when trying to decide whether or not to do the same for your addict!!
My gut has ALWAYS been right when it comes to my exAH. I truly, truly wish it weren't & that just once, he would have proved me wrong.
He never has, & I'm decided over a month ago when he once again disappeared overnight with my car, that my gut was telling me to dump his **** on the lawn because I was done taking his lame excuses for said overnight disappearances.
Thanks, gut.
My gut has ALWAYS been right when it comes to my exAH. I truly, truly wish it weren't & that just once, he would have proved me wrong.
He never has, & I'm decided over a month ago when he once again disappeared overnight with my car, that my gut was telling me to dump his **** on the lawn because I was done taking his lame excuses for said overnight disappearances.
Thanks, gut.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
They lie to get what they want.
Nobody says "Yeah, I shot that person....they deserved it"
(except idiots)
DENY,DENY,DENY.
They do it because IT WORKS. Because they know that we will do
ANYTHING to believe them......even disbelieve our own eyes.
This defines codependency-----and it is VERY hard to break free.
(But break free we must!)
Nobody says "Yeah, I shot that person....they deserved it"
(except idiots)
DENY,DENY,DENY.
They do it because IT WORKS. Because they know that we will do
ANYTHING to believe them......even disbelieve our own eyes.
This defines codependency-----and it is VERY hard to break free.
(But break free we must!)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
They lie because to tell the truth, ever, would mean taking responsiblity for their actions & therefore being subject to *gasp* consequences.
They also lie because they have set themselves on the unfortunate path of covering up their actions for so long that they literally do not know HOW to tell the truth.
I once caught my husband with a text message in his "Sent" box, on his cell phone, that said something to the effect of "Hey man, just wondering if you're interested, I need to move some china white."
I literally woke him up out of a dead sleep by thumping him in the head with said phone and demanded to know WTF was going on.
His response?
"I don't know what you're talking about. I never even READ that message."
....
....
.......
whut.
He has been telling lies, half-truths, & omitting the truth for so long in order to continue his drug habit, stealing etc that even when he is not even fully conscious he can formulate a lie to try & get out of trouble.
Lying itself becomes part of the pathology.
They also lie because they have set themselves on the unfortunate path of covering up their actions for so long that they literally do not know HOW to tell the truth.
I once caught my husband with a text message in his "Sent" box, on his cell phone, that said something to the effect of "Hey man, just wondering if you're interested, I need to move some china white."
I literally woke him up out of a dead sleep by thumping him in the head with said phone and demanded to know WTF was going on.
His response?
"I don't know what you're talking about. I never even READ that message."
....
....
.......
whut.
He has been telling lies, half-truths, & omitting the truth for so long in order to continue his drug habit, stealing etc that even when he is not even fully conscious he can formulate a lie to try & get out of trouble.
Lying itself becomes part of the pathology.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
We can't stop breathing, they can't stop lying.
I'm not saying that as some sort of character attack----it simply is an
unalterable characteristic of the addicted brain.
(e.g......I'm going swimming without getting wet........)
I'm not saying that as some sort of character attack----it simply is an
unalterable characteristic of the addicted brain.
(e.g......I'm going swimming without getting wet........)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
Thanks for sharing; you are so right!
The denial and lying are like breathing for them...or, in my family, going silent and disappearing for months at a time...sad.
Glad you know that joy is possible...last Sept thought I was a gonner for sure and am enjoying life again...even splurged for mother's day (will not be celebrated by others if the past several years is the precedent--although always did that for my mother and until the kids were adults...we did it to show them and set an example)--and went to the ballet-Romeo and Juliet and it was wonderful...30 years since last time...and it was truly something that energized me and reminded me that there are still good things in the world!
The denial and lying are like breathing for them...or, in my family, going silent and disappearing for months at a time...sad.
Glad you know that joy is possible...last Sept thought I was a gonner for sure and am enjoying life again...even splurged for mother's day (will not be celebrated by others if the past several years is the precedent--although always did that for my mother and until the kids were adults...we did it to show them and set an example)--and went to the ballet-Romeo and Juliet and it was wonderful...30 years since last time...and it was truly something that energized me and reminded me that there are still good things in the world!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Disappearing is a classic, classic move. My husband thinks he's "hiding" from us. Which is hilarious, because yesterday marked the fourth friend who said he saw him at a gas station we drive by all the time, chain smoking, looking high as hell & with some other, fake-tanned & disheveled chick in the car with him.
At some point, hiding becomes an impossibility & in small, satisfying ways like the above, your addict is exposed for who & what he/she really is.
It may not be a huge karma blow, but you'll have the peace of mind of knowing that other people who are far outside the situation know what you're dealing with & in some small way support you by being willing ot call a spade a spade.
And by spade I mean junkie.
At some point, hiding becomes an impossibility & in small, satisfying ways like the above, your addict is exposed for who & what he/she really is.
It may not be a huge karma blow, but you'll have the peace of mind of knowing that other people who are far outside the situation know what you're dealing with & in some small way support you by being willing ot call a spade a spade.
And by spade I mean junkie.
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