Soo many questions!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Soo many questions!
How many of you have, recently or otherwise, decided to kick your addict out of a shared living situation? Anyone with kids?
Who's left the door open for their addict to return in some capacity? What were the boundaries/requirements?
How did you stay sane, keep moving & stick to your guns?
I ask because I recently kicked my AH out after two years of your typical addict behavior. He has been unemployed for 3/4 of that time, and even when he WAS employed, somehow his paychecks just...disappeared. I made the decision last week to kick him out for good based on finding sketchy text messages on his phone, as well as several instances of his disappearing overnight with MY car, only to return the next morning with bizarre excuses for why he was out all night.
We have a 5mo old son. So, it sucks. It's a very lonely place to be in & I know he really loves the baby. However, I get through the day by focusing on my son, and by telling myself that even when AH was "at home", he was NOT really THERE. He did not contribute & rarely if at all took care of the baby.
So, I guess its just a crappy day & a hard day & I'm just looking to start a thread where some of us can vent/offer suggestions, & ask for hugs & more suggestions.
Thanks guys..
Who's left the door open for their addict to return in some capacity? What were the boundaries/requirements?
How did you stay sane, keep moving & stick to your guns?
I ask because I recently kicked my AH out after two years of your typical addict behavior. He has been unemployed for 3/4 of that time, and even when he WAS employed, somehow his paychecks just...disappeared. I made the decision last week to kick him out for good based on finding sketchy text messages on his phone, as well as several instances of his disappearing overnight with MY car, only to return the next morning with bizarre excuses for why he was out all night.
We have a 5mo old son. So, it sucks. It's a very lonely place to be in & I know he really loves the baby. However, I get through the day by focusing on my son, and by telling myself that even when AH was "at home", he was NOT really THERE. He did not contribute & rarely if at all took care of the baby.
So, I guess its just a crappy day & a hard day & I'm just looking to start a thread where some of us can vent/offer suggestions, & ask for hugs & more suggestions.
Thanks guys..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 19
I'm still working on defining boundaries. Ah went to inpatient 6 weeks ago. He is returning Sunday to a sober living house. I'm keeping the baby and he won't have kids alone until I'm comfortable. Good luck. This is so tough to navigate.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
It's...I mean I know this is such an individual & personal question but at what point did anyone decide to boot their addict out permanently? At what point did it become obvious that things were never going to get better?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi mnh, I know you are hoping for some sort of concrete answer. If he does X thing, then THAT is when you should get him to leave.
Just doesn't work that way. The only thing you can decide is what behavior is acceptable around you and your baby. If your husband is serious about recovery, it will show in his actions. What has he done? How long has been in recovery--whatever that looks like for him? Is he respectful toward you? Does he contribute to the household income or chores? Is he a good parent to your child? Is he verbally, mentally, or physically abusive?
You certainly don't have to answer any of these questions here, but perhaps answering these questions for yourself will provide you with the clarity you are seeking.
Just doesn't work that way. The only thing you can decide is what behavior is acceptable around you and your baby. If your husband is serious about recovery, it will show in his actions. What has he done? How long has been in recovery--whatever that looks like for him? Is he respectful toward you? Does he contribute to the household income or chores? Is he a good parent to your child? Is he verbally, mentally, or physically abusive?
You certainly don't have to answer any of these questions here, but perhaps answering these questions for yourself will provide you with the clarity you are seeking.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I'm so sorry.
You reached your breaking point-no guilt there. You are doing him a favor. He won't clean up until he reaches his bottom and you letting him stick around isn't letting that happen. You are keeping him from having to own his s*it and by kicking him out you are helping him to his destiny. He can either get help-or not. You are giving him the chance to get help.
That is the way I look at it at least.
My Ex finally did it-we aren't together anymore but today I know who I am. We are both much happier. He got help too. He finally went to Al Anon. It didn't end up all ponies and glitter, but I'd like to think it happened the way it was supposed to.
You reached your breaking point-no guilt there. You are doing him a favor. He won't clean up until he reaches his bottom and you letting him stick around isn't letting that happen. You are keeping him from having to own his s*it and by kicking him out you are helping him to his destiny. He can either get help-or not. You are giving him the chance to get help.
That is the way I look at it at least.
My Ex finally did it-we aren't together anymore but today I know who I am. We are both much happier. He got help too. He finally went to Al Anon. It didn't end up all ponies and glitter, but I'd like to think it happened the way it was supposed to.
Last edited by Latte; 04-04-2015 at 06:07 AM. Reason: hit = it
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I think if you ask yourself, if this were my best friend or sister telling me this, what would I tell her? Sometimes the answers are right there, they are just hard to deal with. Hugs to you and your sweet baby. Your baby deserves a home full of love and peace, so do you.
XXX
XXX
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
He's been gone almost 3 weeks now and no one has seen nor heard from him. According to his closest friends & family, this is typical of when he was actively using before. He woul d just drop off the planet for days, weeks or months & not answer his phone, etc.
I've just come to the conclusion that our lives are actually better without him. There's no cray-cray, less stress & no tiptoeing around trying to take care of the baby AND a grown man who refuses to care for himself.
We had a GREAT Easter with my family, just Baby & me, & we will not only be OK, we will be AWESOME.
I've just come to the conclusion that our lives are actually better without him. There's no cray-cray, less stress & no tiptoeing around trying to take care of the baby AND a grown man who refuses to care for himself.
We had a GREAT Easter with my family, just Baby & me, & we will not only be OK, we will be AWESOME.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
