Advice on boyfriend who is in suboxone clinic?
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Advice on boyfriend who is in suboxone clinic?
My boyfriend has been in the suboxone clinic for a little over a year. At the beginning of the program he was on 16 mg of suboxone. Now he has been cut down to 4 mg the last 2 months.. I keep his medicine because he knew if I didn't he would take more than he is supposed to. But ever since he was cut down to 4 mg is he keeps taking more than he's supposed to behind my back.. Sometimes 4 mg, sometimes 6 mg. Not a huge deal to some people probably but He says he does it when he is stressed or he has a headache ect and it just worries me cause what is going to happen when he is done with this program which will hopefully be during this summer. He says he has NO desire to go back to pain pills but I just do not know what will happen when he is done w the program and he is stressed and there's not that crutch. It scares me. He has have come SO far. I don't want to take huge steps back. This relationship has been a roller coaster of emotions but I truly love him and I have seen a dramatic change in him ever since being in the program. Im happy for how far he was come. Proud of him.. I just worry about what will happen next.
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Originally Posted by ladyscribbler 
So you trying to control his access isn't really changing his behavior. It's just making him sneaker. Have you tried Naranon or Alanon meetings?
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Originally Posted by smp
My boyfriend has been in the suboxone clinic for a little over a year. At the beginning of the program he was on 16 mg of suboxone. Now he has been cut down to 4 mg the last 2 months.. I keep his medicine because he knew if I didn't he would take more than he is supposed to. But ever since he was cut down to 4 mg is he keeps taking more than he's supposed to behind my back.. Sometimes 4 mg, sometimes 6 mg. Not a huge deal to some people probably but He says he does it when he is stressed or he has a headache ect and it just worries me cause what is going to happen when he is done with this program which will hopefully be during this summer. He says he has NO desire to go back to pain pills but I just do not know what will happen when he is done w the program and he is stressed and there's not that crutch. It scares me. He has have come SO far. I don't want to take huge steps back. This relationship has been a roller coaster of emotions but I truly love him and I have seen a dramatic change in him ever since being in the program. Im happy for how far he was come. Proud of him.. I just worry about what will happen next.
Hes done well cutting back to 4mg. I think hes reaching a point where it can be common to feel differently and at times of stress especially have a feeling of needing, or wanting more to deal with feelings. You might want to check out some on the forums for substance abuse or suboxone. My husband doesnt use that medication, but his doctor did prescribe him an anxiety medication to take IF he experiences signs similar to a panic attack. Both he and his doctor suggested I hold these because they are in the class of addictive drugs. I think this part is ok as long as its agreed on between you.
Its a learning process. Id discuss it with him, and hopefully his plan of group and more one on one with the counselor will help him deal with the emotional side of things. Jumping off subs can be challenging too and it could take a couple attempts from what Ive seen and its not unusual and doesnt represent failure. I try to think of my husbands recovery as a journey for both of us and we have to take it slow, one step at a time.
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Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
Not "we", you. NA meetings are for the addict, Naranon is for friends and family. It can be helpful for you to have real life support for yourself to navigate the rollercoaster of emotions.
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He needs to speak to his doctor. I know medical advice isn’t allowed here, but if he went from 16 mgs to 4 mgs in 2 months … well it sounds like he dropped to fast. He should make cuts and be stable before he makes the next cut. Meaning he should feel ok and ready to go again. My husband ran the show when he weaned. His doctor was so on board with this and with him taking it as slow or as fast as he needed to, to get off. It works best if the doctor and patient are working together for the best interest of the patient.
Please know that it isn’t your responsibility to hold his meds. YOU are not his doctor and he really needs to be open and honest with his as to how he feels. He needs to ask for more help outside just this medicine to help him deal with the need to run to a pill to fix things as he weans on. He may have to stabilize at this new dose and give himself a break to feel normal for a bit and get a few more coping tools to have close before continuing on. Everyone is different. Hopefully he will seek out more help, because it does sounds like he needs it.
And you need support too. So if you can get to a meeting and give it a try it would be worth your time.
Take good care of you.
Please know that it isn’t your responsibility to hold his meds. YOU are not his doctor and he really needs to be open and honest with his as to how he feels. He needs to ask for more help outside just this medicine to help him deal with the need to run to a pill to fix things as he weans on. He may have to stabilize at this new dose and give himself a break to feel normal for a bit and get a few more coping tools to have close before continuing on. Everyone is different. Hopefully he will seek out more help, because it does sounds like he needs it.
And you need support too. So if you can get to a meeting and give it a try it would be worth your time.
Take good care of you.
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Originally Posted by incitingsilence
He needs to speak to his doctor. I know medical advice isn’t allowed here, but if he went from 16 mgs to 4 mgs in 2 months … well it sounds like he dropped to fast. He should make cuts and be stable before he makes the next cut. Meaning he should feel ok and ready to go again. My husband ran the show when he weaned. His doctor was so on board with this and with him taking it as slow or as fast as he needed to, to get off. It works best if the doctor and patient are working together for the best interest of the patient.
Please know that it isn’t your responsibility to hold his meds. YOU are not his doctor and he really needs to be open and honest with his as to how he feels. He needs to ask for more help outside just this medicine to help him deal with the need to run to a pill to fix things as he weans on. He may have to stabilize at this new dose and give himself a break to feel normal for a bit and get a few more coping tools to have close before continuing on. Everyone is different. Hopefully he will seek out more help, because it does sounds like he needs it.
And you need support too. So if you can get to a meeting and give it a try it would be worth your time.
Take good care of you.
Please know that it isn’t your responsibility to hold his meds. YOU are not his doctor and he really needs to be open and honest with his as to how he feels. He needs to ask for more help outside just this medicine to help him deal with the need to run to a pill to fix things as he weans on. He may have to stabilize at this new dose and give himself a break to feel normal for a bit and get a few more coping tools to have close before continuing on. Everyone is different. Hopefully he will seek out more help, because it does sounds like he needs it.
And you need support too. So if you can get to a meeting and give it a try it would be worth your time.
Take good care of you.
He has been on the program since February 2014. Started off at 16 mg. she has cut him down from 16 to 12 to 8 to 4 the first wean from 16 to 12 took about 4/6 months? Idr and after that it's been ever 2 months or so. But thank you for replying. All the advice is appreciated b
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Slower is good and with the clarification I would definitely think he needs more tools to cope. If you have a need to do anything encourage him to talk to his doctor. She can advise him as to his options outside the sub and give him more resources to help him find better coping tools as he drops his dose. Weaning can be a rough ride.
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Hi guys, sorry it has been a month.. But last time he went to the doctor she cut him down again to 2 mgs a day. Some days are better than the others. He is going to school full time and also working 40 hours a week. On his long work days he sometimes will take 3 mgs instead. I just want his body to get used to taking 2 mgs a day cause I know she'll cut him down again by June. And I'm terrified of the months ahead as it starts getting closer to him being off suboxone. He hasn't been "clean" from anything in about 3 years. I read a lot about how excersise helps but he won't do it. (I guess bc of how busy he is) he just seems really depressed. He says he wants to be done with the program but his actions say other. He does not handle stress very well like I have said before..
Do you guys have any suggestions on how to deal with stress better?
Do you guys have any suggestions on how to deal with stress better?
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Let me just tell you that this is a slippery, slippery slope. No matter what measures I tried to take or what help I tried to give him my STBXAH found a way to abuse his Suboxone. Then, several months ago, he decided to go off it completely, cold turkey.
I have reason to believe that he is now back on heroin & has no intention of ever returning to drug treatment.
You cannot, cannot, cannot control or even support someone into staying clean, and you certainly should not think that your boyfriend is being 100% honest with you about his meds if he has had issues with it in the past. This is beyond your area of responsibility or expertise.
Please be careful. Please decide what limit there is to your putting up with him sneaking around behind your back & fooling with his dosage etc. Then be prepared for a very difficult road when you have to put those limits into play as boundaries.
As other posters have said, you need to take care of YOU. Boundaries are just the beginning of that.
Goodl uck.
I have reason to believe that he is now back on heroin & has no intention of ever returning to drug treatment.
You cannot, cannot, cannot control or even support someone into staying clean, and you certainly should not think that your boyfriend is being 100% honest with you about his meds if he has had issues with it in the past. This is beyond your area of responsibility or expertise.
Please be careful. Please decide what limit there is to your putting up with him sneaking around behind your back & fooling with his dosage etc. Then be prepared for a very difficult road when you have to put those limits into play as boundaries.
As other posters have said, you need to take care of YOU. Boundaries are just the beginning of that.
Goodl uck.
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Subs are meant to help you detox, not to “deal with stress” It concerns me that he’s still thinking like that—justifying with “well I had a stressful day”. That’s a very “addict” way of thinking. And you justifying it for him is a codependent way of thinking--and enables his behavior, which just= trouble for both of you.
He will always find a reason to use. And it’s typically pretty easy to gets subs on the street, and normally the people who sell subs sell pills and heroin too (or know someone who does) so it’s a slippery slop once he’s not getting them from his doctor.
Anyway your real concern needs to be with yourself. I understand being in love with an addict (because I was) and I understand being an addict too (because I am) and I can tell you from both sides of the coin that no one is going to control an addict’s behavior besides the addict. And this is how it starts just a couple MG more or a few white lies and an excuse about a stressful day then it escalates and well… things only get worse.
You need to start focusing more on yourself. Find a way to deal with the stress he’s causing you. I know you only want to help him but the problem is, he needs to help himself. He needs to learn to take his medication as prescribed and deal with his own stress. Sometimes trying to control the addict too much can continue to enable their behavior in a sense because they don’t learn to control things for themselves. The very nature of addiction can stem from not being able to “handle” stuff but it’s up to him to figure out how to do that.
What are you doing for you? Is there something you've always wanted to try? When I was with my XABF I got into running and that helped me a ton. Cleared my head and gave me something to focus on outside the relationship. Running isn't for everyone, obviously but I suggest trying to fun your "thing"
Good luck, I know how hard this all is.
He will always find a reason to use. And it’s typically pretty easy to gets subs on the street, and normally the people who sell subs sell pills and heroin too (or know someone who does) so it’s a slippery slop once he’s not getting them from his doctor.
Anyway your real concern needs to be with yourself. I understand being in love with an addict (because I was) and I understand being an addict too (because I am) and I can tell you from both sides of the coin that no one is going to control an addict’s behavior besides the addict. And this is how it starts just a couple MG more or a few white lies and an excuse about a stressful day then it escalates and well… things only get worse.
You need to start focusing more on yourself. Find a way to deal with the stress he’s causing you. I know you only want to help him but the problem is, he needs to help himself. He needs to learn to take his medication as prescribed and deal with his own stress. Sometimes trying to control the addict too much can continue to enable their behavior in a sense because they don’t learn to control things for themselves. The very nature of addiction can stem from not being able to “handle” stuff but it’s up to him to figure out how to do that.
What are you doing for you? Is there something you've always wanted to try? When I was with my XABF I got into running and that helped me a ton. Cleared my head and gave me something to focus on outside the relationship. Running isn't for everyone, obviously but I suggest trying to fun your "thing"
Good luck, I know how hard this all is.
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Originally Posted by smp
Hi guys, sorry it has been a month.. But last time he went to the doctor she cut him down again to 2 mgs a day. Some days are better than the others. He is going to school full time and also working 40 hours a week. On his long work days he sometimes will take 3 mgs instead. I just want his body to get used to taking 2 mgs a day cause I know she'll cut him down again by June. And I'm terrified of the months ahead as it starts getting closer to him being off suboxone. He hasn't been "clean" from anything in about 3 years. I read a lot about how excersise helps but he won't do it. (I guess bc of how busy he is) he just seems really depressed. He says he wants to be done with the program but his actions say other. He does not handle stress very well like I have said before..
Do you guys have any suggestions on how to deal with stress better?
Do you guys have any suggestions on how to deal with stress better?
I spent a long time seeking solutions for my ex so that he could stop drinking, but the fact was, he never wanted to stop. If he had, he would have stopped looking for excuses and figured out how to do it himself.
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My husband takes subs - but is totally irresponsible. He takes less than he should some days - then more than he should others. Also a warning - that only because your on subs it doesn't mean you can't "use" intermittently. I wish I knew that from the beginning. I have been with my AH for 13 years and was an addict myself. I get the mind set that he has but it comes down to him working on his personality disorder. I worked on my own personality disorder through self honesty, meditation and positive affirmations. Some people have it worse. I was an addict for over 10 years and have been sober now for 5 years.
When I use to hold the prescription for my husband it would only turn into a fight. Who likes being lied? Not me.
When I use to hold the prescription for my husband it would only turn into a fight. Who likes being lied? Not me.
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Originally Posted by smp
Hi guys, sorry it has been a month.. But last time he went to the doctor she cut him down again to 2 mgs a day. Some days are better than the others. He is going to school full time and also working 40 hours a week. On his long work days he sometimes will take 3 mgs instead. I just want his body to get used to taking 2 mgs a day cause I know she'll cut him down again by June. And I'm terrified of the months ahead as it starts getting closer to him being off suboxone. He hasn't been "clean" from anything in about 3 years. I read a lot about how excersise helps but he won't do it. (I guess bc of how busy he is) he just seems really depressed. He says he wants to be done with the program but his actions say other. He does not handle stress very well like I have said before..
Do you guys have any suggestions on how to deal with stress better?
Do you guys have any suggestions on how to deal with stress better?
Dear smp - I've tried all the things you've done: holding & dispensing meds to my addict husband, figuring out how much he should take and taper off over time, suggesting various activities he can do to deal with his depression and anxiety and stress.
One fact: None of that works.
You can't be his pharmacy, you can't help him out of his depression, you can't schedule his medication plan. He's going to be stressed out, depressed, anxious, angry, or disappointed at almost everything in his life - except for the drugs. And you're going to be heartbroken, confused, exhausted, angry, depressed, and eventually sick because your mind and immune system have gotten weak over your constant stress, lack of sleep, not eating well... You mentioned you were terrified of the months ahead. Living in that terror especially for an extended amount of time is very dangerous to your health, not just emotional health but also physical health. The terror will take you to the dark places you don't ever ever want to go to. I've been to some of them and I'm glad that something saved me and got me back.
Do not let it get you to that point. You are on SoberRecovery now which is great. As others on this forum have suggested, please go to Al-Anon, NarAnon, and/or any other source of support you can get. For YOU. Not for him. You've done plenty for him, but he'll have to find what can save him if he really wants to be saved. You can't change him, but you can definitely get the support you need and become healthy yourself.
Hugs to you.
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