Sobriety and Depression
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Marietta, OH
Posts: 22
Sobriety and Depression
I want more than anything for him to be sober. He has struggled off and on with his addiction to painkillers and other pills. We are off to another round of sobriety, which also means him being moody and not pleasant to be around. I understand, I'm not mad at him for the effects of it, it just sucks. He has never stuck with therapy which he needs to but now he doesn't have insurance and can't afford it. I'm going to try to get him involved with a recovery group and start this next week which I hope will help. Can anyone tell me about your experience with this and what can be tried to help?
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Check around. I know where I live there are places that provide free therapy if you don't have any insurance, and most also offer a sliding scale if you do have to pay.
My DD usto see a therapist for $5 a session. It's definitely worth check into.
It's great to encourage him, but he really needs to want recovery on his own to be successful at it. You can cheer him on, but you cannot make him do it.
Hugs to you!XXX
My DD usto see a therapist for $5 a session. It's definitely worth check into.
It's great to encourage him, but he really needs to want recovery on his own to be successful at it. You can cheer him on, but you cannot make him do it.
Hugs to you!XXX
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Hi Sairuhbeth.
This has been an ongoing thing for you, and I would guess that it is wearing on you. Have you read much around SR? There is a lot of personal experience here, shared by many who have been where you are. Do you attend any counselling? there are often al-anon , or nar-anon meetings in most areas. It can really help you to see what works for others.
It is his place, as hopeful4 said, to go after real recovery. Perhaps you need to put some boundaries in place, ones that are important to you? I am sure you do not want to live your life this way. Hugs to you.
This has been an ongoing thing for you, and I would guess that it is wearing on you. Have you read much around SR? There is a lot of personal experience here, shared by many who have been where you are. Do you attend any counselling? there are often al-anon , or nar-anon meetings in most areas. It can really help you to see what works for others.
It is his place, as hopeful4 said, to go after real recovery. Perhaps you need to put some boundaries in place, ones that are important to you? I am sure you do not want to live your life this way. Hugs to you.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 9
I feel u. my fiance would constantly say how depressed he is. He recently just left me. He isn't ready for help...He's cut me out of his life and his family. He says he's not "in love" with me. I think he's just really struggling with his life off pills but doesn't want to b completely sober. It's hard. dealing with someone with an addiction is hard..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Marietta, OH
Posts: 22
I disappeared. I'm sorry I didn't see these. Thank you for your replies, your help, advice, and more. I'm just as bad with sticking to getting help for myself. I get scared and hide. Maybe denial. And then I shut down from the world. I know what I need to do and I'm going to try harder. I know I can't control him, but I can get control of my life. I know I can do it.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
We are here whenever you need us. Please read the stickies and stories here. Meetings strengthen us. We realize how ill our minds have become dealing with the effects of a loved ones addiction. And we are in need of change as much as they are.
Best wishes to you during this time.
It will go on until you have had enough.
He must choose his own recovery.
Best wishes to you during this time.
It will go on until you have had enough.
He must choose his own recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 11
I came across this thread and it really hit home. Thank you for posting .
I too have a boyfriend that is an AA on painkillers and this time around it's snorting methadone. I have become ill minded dealing with this. We have only been together 9 months. This is his first relapse since we have been dating and I never expected it to be so painful. Sara Beth for some reason your story touched me. Made me think I am not alone. I wish the best to you and yours. I hope your guy gets the help he needs and that you find peace as well. I am new at this or I would have insight
I too have a boyfriend that is an AA on painkillers and this time around it's snorting methadone. I have become ill minded dealing with this. We have only been together 9 months. This is his first relapse since we have been dating and I never expected it to be so painful. Sara Beth for some reason your story touched me. Made me think I am not alone. I wish the best to you and yours. I hope your guy gets the help he needs and that you find peace as well. I am new at this or I would have insight
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Marietta, OH
Posts: 22
Hi Ruby. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this as well. I also learned a few weeks ago that my husband was smoking meth. I was already worried about the pills...and now meth. Everyone in his life (that he chooses to have in his life) are addicts. His sister, his brother, his brother-in-law, his friends. And it's all pills and meth. No matter where he goes or who it's with, no matter what he claims, there will be pills or meth.
I am slowly getting better at giving up the control to stop him from being an addict. Yesterday, I told him "I can not stop you from being an addict. I can not control where you go or who you hang out with and I no longer will, but it does not mean that what you are doing will not again be our demise. It does not mean that I am happy with our relationship and that we will at some point no longer be together". He said that he will not hang out with those people anymore because if he had to shoes, he chooses me. Not an hour later, he left to go hang out with one the addict friends. I did not cry. I continued with my day and lived my life.
My difficulty now is keeping with my set boundaries. My rule is that he does not come into our home under the influence, he does not bring drugs into the home, his addict friends are not allowed into the home. I'm failing with allowing him to be in the home when I know he is under the influence. And by doing this, I'm telling him I am weak and there are no consequences to his actions.
I am still far from where I need to be, but I know I will get there. I know you will too. This is a great place to connect with others and gain information. I wish you all the best and send you strength and hugs.
I am slowly getting better at giving up the control to stop him from being an addict. Yesterday, I told him "I can not stop you from being an addict. I can not control where you go or who you hang out with and I no longer will, but it does not mean that what you are doing will not again be our demise. It does not mean that I am happy with our relationship and that we will at some point no longer be together". He said that he will not hang out with those people anymore because if he had to shoes, he chooses me. Not an hour later, he left to go hang out with one the addict friends. I did not cry. I continued with my day and lived my life.
My difficulty now is keeping with my set boundaries. My rule is that he does not come into our home under the influence, he does not bring drugs into the home, his addict friends are not allowed into the home. I'm failing with allowing him to be in the home when I know he is under the influence. And by doing this, I'm telling him I am weak and there are no consequences to his actions.
I am still far from where I need to be, but I know I will get there. I know you will too. This is a great place to connect with others and gain information. I wish you all the best and send you strength and hugs.
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