tartel

I'm having to move our of the flat the AH and I used to live in. i left AH and the town we live in a month ago. he lives on his job site, the house has been left like that for weeks, and I cannot afford to pay the rent while I'm away. So I have to give it up.

I just feel really emotional. New tenants are moving in tomorrow and my parents are helping me to pack up the stuff today. I have to give them a list of things to take and things to leave, which means going over every single thing in the house. Perhaps I'm being hormonal but I just feel like i'm made to review all the memories and broken dreams. it just hurts. we lived alone there, we had hardly any visitors, and it is a little bubble, the place where most of the good (and occasionally bad) times happened. i feel like giving up the house is one of the biggest things i need to face in detachment, and it just feels too big to bear.

i know its only a house, and i should be less sentimental about it. i've been trying to ignore it and not address it for a while, just enjoying the change in environment, but now I'm forced to deal with it.

I just feel a bit weepy and sad today. i don't deal well with change, not even small ones, and my home is a big thing for me (i don't go out much). i've lived there long enough to love every bit of it. on top of it, i've got a temporary contract in another country far away and i have to leave in a week. too many changes, all feel like a series of goodbyes. my first instinct is to reach out to AH, have to stop myself from dialling his number, because i know that will undo all the progress i've made...

Ann

Tartel, this IS a big deal so please don't minimalize the effect it is having on you. You are leaving your home, your "safe place" and you are leaving unprepared and unwillingly but forced through circumstance. It's okay to grieve the loss of dreams and all that is familiar.

Take time to grieve, take time to heal, it will be hard for a while yet to come.

But I promise you that one day you will be ready for new beginnings in a new place that will be waiting for you and wonderful tomorrows will come your way.

I recently posted "In Between" here, from Melody Beattie. But the gist is that to go from where we are to where we need to be, sometimes we have to sit "in between". In between is our healing place, a place where we find our balance again and regain our strength to move forward only when we are ready.

Hugs to you, it won't always be this hard and sad.

chicory

(((tartel)))

I have been in that very situation, and I know it hurts a lot. I am sorry that you have to leave your home which you love. Hating to leave my home, which we had built together kept me in the relationship for much longer than was healthy for me. So finally I had to pack up, clean it lovingly, and say goodbye. It still hurts, but only when I dwell on it.

I was a homebody too, and I understand what you are saying, I think.

There were times when the pain of leaving it made me want to bargain with him and stay, but the pain of the abuse, and depression from the sad state of our marriage was just too much to ignore.

I am happy now.. have other problems, but I do love my freedom from the misery of a bad relationship. I love the little place I live in... there is peace here, and I can be as happy as I want to be.

You will find the good things will come along to ease the pain..slowly but surely you will heal. My advise would be not to spend too much time thinking of the past, but if you do, remember the bad parts too, so as not to forget why you are moving forward.

hugs to you. hope that things feel better very soon.
chicory

tartel

Ann i love that idea of the in-between. Just that definition adds a kind of reasoning to where I am. Makes it peaceful, I think.

thank you. i need that.

Chicory this is so true for me too.
The house looks sterile now. Rubbed clean of memories. Outside the view is so green and calm. I've loved that view so much. My whole life is packed in boxes. The 'home' that is always at the back of my mind, wherever I am, is no longer there. I feel weightless, sad and kind of relieved.

chicory

Tartel

zoso77

It's a big change, and I don't believe there's anything wrong with being sad or apprehensive about a change like this. It's normal. Just sit with it as best you can...