Jorgenss

selpats,

I am very new to this type of recovery and like many others on here, we have the same story. Keep reading and start focusing on you. It is amazing how much we focus on the addict and forget about ourselves.

allmirages

Selpats- yes, I think going to Naranon or Alanon would be beneficial. Both are there to help you focus on you and there's a lot of support. It made me feel less alone and it was so nice to be with others that knew exactly what I experienced. No one can tell you what is going on in the mind of the addict but you will learn the patterns seems to be very similar. In my case, I just want to be able to move on..not think about him anymore. It is impossible to understand how we can get into an argument that could have easily been voided then he just decides to never call again. All I got was a bunch of deflecting and heard "how about you worry about you and I will worry about me" then I will call you later. Haven't heard from him since and I'm sure that I won't ever again. I definitely feel your pain and frustration. Please try to take good care of you!

auroraxborealis

I can appreciate this. While my story has not been a fairy tale, I feel like my X and I should be able to be civil to each other. But so far we don't have much of a relationship at all. I totally get you on not hating him. I think I'm steering clear because I don't want to hate him, and if I'm too close and see too much, I will.

selpats

Well guys, last week, I found out that he already has another girlfriend (only 3 weeks after we broke up). It confirmed everything for me. It's how he was able to drop me so easily. It was why he was acting like he didn't care. Because he doesn't. He has another distraction, and it's clear to me now that he never cared at all. He's a liar. He lied about everything in our relationship, right down to the reason he broke up with me because he was too much of a coward to tell me that he met someone else. I'm not stupid. I know it's because I most likely remind him of a dark time in his life, but after everything I sacrificed, and everything I did for him, is it too much to ask to be treated with some ******* respect? I'm at a loss right now. I'm just so angry, I can't even bring myself to give a damn about him anymore. It feels like a petty thing to say, but I honestly hate every fiber of his being for being such a narcissistic, selfish, disrespectful person. I don't think drug addiction gives him the excuse to walk all over me like a doormat.

zoso77

I wish I could say I'm surprised, selpats. But I'm not. This happens all the time. But here's what's interesting.

On the one hand, you acknowledge the new girl is a "distraction", which is dead on the screws, but on the other hand, you refer to yourself as a doormat. You're not a doormat. What you now are is free. Free to have a better, healthier life without him in it. What's past is past. You can't change what has happened. What you can do is, if you so choose, learn from this.

You're going to be OK, you know. Right now, you're torqued off, and with good reason. But you should also thank your lucky stars he's taken his act on the road and someone else has to put up with him,

Hope7726

Selpats, I have felt so much of what you have written in this thread. When I think about the things that my AXBF did to me, the way he treated me, and the way he ultimately abandoned me, this is what I tell myself:

Don't let a drug addict make you feel bad about yourself. You're too good for that.

Until he has had significant treatment and sober time, your AXBF is not rational. He's not healthy. And addiction will never make sense. Be grateful that you dodged a bullet. You WILL feel better.

selpats

I know I'm better off, and I don't want to live with the pain of it for the rest of my life, so I just have to keep telling myself that it's him, not me. It's just frustrating when you dedicate yourself to someone who needs you, only to find they were using you for your sympathy and they really only care about themselves.

AceOfPentacles

I could just as easily have written this. 8 months of his active alcoholism, 30 days of his inpatient rehab, 8 months of his recovery, one 10 minute phone call of being unceremoniously dumped without explanation and out of the blue (to me, anyway). I'm so resentful and hurt and feel broken and stupid for giving and giving for so long, especially knowing he's now likely living his best life while I'm sinking in my own puddle of dog @$!&. I just want to MOVE ON and forget him, even the good times when I thought we were making it, that we'd be okay. He doesn't know what love or adult relationships are, but that is small consolation.