110blue

Hi everyone,

Thanks for creating this space for discussion. I'm really grateful to have some folks to talk to.

I am wondering if addicts who were dependent and using for a relatively short period of time can expect to recover more easily than those who were dependent and using for longer.

I ask because I just left my boyfriend, after he confessed to me that he relapsed 5 months ago. I knew that he had been hooked on Rx painkillers for about 4 months in 2013, and he was on suboxone when we were together. Now I know that about a month after he finished his taper, he started snorting heroin many times a week. He did this for about a month and a half before he sought help and got back on suboxone. He is now working with a therapist as well.

So, in total, he has used opiates for about 6 months. Based on your experience, what do you think his recovery will look like? Do you think I should expect him to relapse 6, 8, 10 times like most heroin addicts, or because of his relative short periods of dependency, do you think he might have an easier time of it?

I broke it off because I don't want to marry and have children with someone who is likely to relapse again and again. But sometimes I doubt my decision. Is it possible that my ex's future may not be so dire?

Regardless of whether we are together, I am desperate to find some hope for him. He is such a beautiful person, and I can't bear to imagine that his will be a life so full of suffering,

Thank you,

110blue

zoso77

blue,

I see this is your second post, so Welcome to the Board. You've found a great place, and my hope is you find our little community of great comfort to you as you're going through this.

Other members will be by over the next day or so -- Sundays can be slow -- so until then, here's my $0.02.

What you did, although painful, took a tremendous amount of courage, and you're to be commended for that. A lot of young women who come to us in the past weren't able to do what you did. Hell, I wasn't able to do what you did with my AXGF. And because you did what you did, this question may be irrelevant:

You presume that he will recover. That is not necessarily the case. Opiates are incredibly difficult to kick. But let's assume for the sake of discussion he commits to recovery. He abstains. He goes to NA. He gets a sponsor he has connected with. And if he's doing all the things he's supposed to be doing, his recovery will be like a full time job to him. He won't have the bandwidth to be an accountable partner in a relationship. He has to be focused on himself. Which, frankly, he should be. That's the sort of self centeredness that's acceptable.

But it remains to be seen if he'll do any of those things. He may not. And if he doesn't, then you'll be able to look back at your decision to end things and know it was the best call for you.

You need to know what you're dealing with before you can make the best decisions for you. Towards that end, read our sticky notes on our homepage and as many posts as you can. Information is power. The more you know, the more you understand, the better equipped you'll be to make a decision.

Again, Welcome to the Board.

BlueChair

Nice choice for your user name, ha! Im blue too!

I think addiction is like all other medical illness, the quicker its stopped and a person gets treatment the better. Using subs was a good initial plan. Sometimes people taper too quick and suffer physical and mental symptoms and it can cause them to have a lapse backward. But he did the exact right thing, went back to his dr and started again, and this time added counseling.

Id say he made good choices. There is no guessing for real if a person will relapse, or how many times it cojld happen. In my opinion a lot depends on quality of treatment.

My husband had used drugs in college but stopped on his own. He had a relapse in 2013, I guess it was short actually but he binges so it had severe impact on him. Mostly it was cocaine but he used some heroin randomly as a downer for a few weeks instead of what he normally used. Hes not had much trouble with cravings for it, but he had more for the coke that he took longer and preferred. (Ridiculous to say that isnt it, the one he preferred.). Hes not relpsed since then and uses counseling but nothing else. Some people will get involved in group support meetings like na, smart, lifering, and Im sure many other options out there but I dont know all of them. Not everyone does this, and I think its a personal choice.

If you broke up with him, not sure what to say except Im sorry. I think u have to do what u feel is best for you. Your post said you wanted to know regardless if there was hope for him. I think the only honest answer I can give is yes of course. But I have no idea what specifically will happen with him.

We have been doing a book review on another thread, and I will link it here for you because it has a lot of info on addiction and I think it might answer some of your questions.


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-families.html

Im sorry you have to go through this. Keep on making decisions you think are best for you personally, and I think you will be ok.

This site also has a forum for Suboxone, you might want to check it out.

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR, though sorry for what has brought you here.

I'm both an RA (recovering addict) as well as a recovering codependent who has/had many loved ones fighting addiction.

As far as whether the time of abuse makes a difference? All that I can share is that my stepsister did not abuse pain pills then heroin for long until she was thoroughly addicted. She's been on subs, does great for a while, then is back at it.

I abused opiates, also, but the drug that took me down was crack and I've been in recovery for almost 8 years.

That being said, I detach with love from those who are addicts. I'm a full believer in supporting recovery. I will share my experience, strength and hope (ES&H) but if they don't want to listen? I still love them but I take another step back.

I do hope you keep reading and posting. I can only tell you what worked for me. The people who loved me tried to help me, I wanted to keep using. They finally said "I love you, but I will not help you kill yourself" and took a giant step back.

I was allowed to deal with the consequences of my addiction and actions. I was allowed to dig a really deep hole and find a way back out. When it was obvious that I was in recovery, I slowly regained the trust of those loved ones.

I know there are varying thoughts about this, but I can only tell you what worked for me. I have also been helped, tremendously, by the great folks in the F&F forums. I didn't accept that I was a codependent until I started working on my own recovery.

I had to learn that I cannot do something for someone else that they can do for themselves. I can love like crazy, I can pray, I can share my own ES&H. Bottom line - they have to want it more for themselves, and I have no power over that.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

OpioPhobe

110blue - I actually have a different opinion with regards to length of use with opiates. For me, I believe that it would have been more difficult for me to stop at the very beginning of the process. The reason for this is that the opiates still worked effectively. I was able to achieve the sensation that I was looking for. With my first quit in February 2012 I was barrage by cravings that were at least daily for months and months on end. They did get better with time, but any time that my mind was not occupied with something else the past memories of using would interject themselves. I would allow myself to get taken in by them, and I would replay them in my mind over and over. There was almost a perceivable high just from the thought of using. Those cravings were always for the pure euphoria of using.

After relapsing in the Fall of 2013 I realized that all of those cravings were smoke and mirrors. That high that I was looking for was something that I was never going to re-experience. The drugs just don't work for me in that way any more. I flipped the opi switch so much that it got worn out, and the magic is long gone. Sure, there may be some point where I felt something, but on a scale of 1 to 10 it was maybe a 1. The first time using was a 10.

When I quit again in February 2014 those cravings for the euphoria just weren't there. I was expecting them to start, but they just didn't. What was the cause in the drop? It was simply because I had realized that the drugs weren't going to ever provide that feeling again. When I thought about using I thought about the time I used when I relapsed. It was very 'blah', and it just wasn't something worth craving.

Despite this, I still went down in flames last fall. I am looking to detox again this week (February seems to be my detox month), and I am going to do everything I can to ensure that it sticks for good this time. When I relapsed in the fall it was because I wanted to use to just escape. It was a sense of desperation and hopelessness that triggered my relapse. So, instead of craving euphoria you could say that I was craving numbness. It didn't work well for that either, and the pain that I am going to endure outweighs any positives I may have reaped by at least 100 to 1. I am going to do everything in my power to address the situations that gave me that sense of desperation and hopelessness, but I know that the drugs aren't going to provide relief from the situation. They may have provided a very short-term benefit, but they quickly contributed to the problem in a dramatic fashion.

In any event, I suppose it depends on the reasons that your bf is using, but cravings for the euphoria kept me going for a long, long time. The problem is that I only made it this far because of luck. Using until the drugs stop working isn't a great game plan, because a great deal of addicts die before they make it that far.

All of that said, the severity of the withdrawal clearly escalates over time. I have quite an unpleasant journey coming up. That is another barrier to entry that is higher for a long term user. I know ahead of time that I am going to get my ass handed to me. If his withdrawal ended up being relatively mild then it makes it all the easier to go back.

I am probably going to be the odd man out on this topic, but I hope it at least gives you a different perspective to think about.