Feeling better then "contact"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Feeling better then "contact"
Always get to feeling a little healthier after a few days of no contact with my AS. Out of sight, out of mind I guess. Never totally out of mind of course, especially where my granddaughter is concerned, but nonetheless....feel a little better.
Then the phone rings.....pleasant conversation at first, but I always know there is a "reason" for the call. It's not to "check in" or to say he misses his father and I.
They are awaiting their tax refund, and there is no food in the house and the baby needs diapers soon. I want to scream and yell....why the h@ll do you wait until you probably have nothing but a package of crackers in the house and likely a couple of diapers before you feel a sense of urgency?????
But, I don't "flip out".........because it just upsets me.....
He's awaiting on a couple of hundred on a direct deposit to his refund debit card. He will hand it over (along with the PIN#) to me in exchange for the cash. I have confirmed on the IRS website that the return is accepted.
Of course, he mentioned that he needs to take care of his family, and he's "trying not to resort to doing things he shouldn't be doing for $$" and of course he is "not saying this to make me feel guilty"
My response was that there are other things he can do to take care of them (at a minimum) like going to the food shelf and going out to shovel roofs, etc.
I haven't given him an answer..it appears he will probably have his money in a few days. I am tempted to hit the grocery store after work with enough groceries for a couple of days and a package of diapers, but that's it....
Gosh this is so difficult...... I don't plan to hand him any cash, but the baby makes doing "nothing at all" next to impossible for me.....
thanks for listening.
Then the phone rings.....pleasant conversation at first, but I always know there is a "reason" for the call. It's not to "check in" or to say he misses his father and I.
They are awaiting their tax refund, and there is no food in the house and the baby needs diapers soon. I want to scream and yell....why the h@ll do you wait until you probably have nothing but a package of crackers in the house and likely a couple of diapers before you feel a sense of urgency?????
But, I don't "flip out".........because it just upsets me.....
He's awaiting on a couple of hundred on a direct deposit to his refund debit card. He will hand it over (along with the PIN#) to me in exchange for the cash. I have confirmed on the IRS website that the return is accepted.
Of course, he mentioned that he needs to take care of his family, and he's "trying not to resort to doing things he shouldn't be doing for $$" and of course he is "not saying this to make me feel guilty"
My response was that there are other things he can do to take care of them (at a minimum) like going to the food shelf and going out to shovel roofs, etc.
I haven't given him an answer..it appears he will probably have his money in a few days. I am tempted to hit the grocery store after work with enough groceries for a couple of days and a package of diapers, but that's it....
Gosh this is so difficult...... I don't plan to hand him any cash, but the baby makes doing "nothing at all" next to impossible for me.....
thanks for listening.
It is such an odd feeling, isn't it? I have had that one several times lately, and I think I might be starting to get used to it...learning slowly when my "help" is no help at all, even when it looks perfectly "normal" to other parents. Good for you, WWD. Good for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
well, I hadn't heard anything further, so I was in hopes he had finally realized I was going to say no.
Then I get a text about an hour ago asking if I had given any more thought to helping him.
Me: I love you, but I really can't
AS: OK
Me: I DO love you very very much, more than you will ever know or realize
AS: I love you too
Tough love SUCKS SO BAD!!!!!!!!
Weird, my first thought was how much easier it would have been if he got pissed and lashed out at me. Then I could have gotten pissed, and it would have kept the hurt/pain at bay (for a bit anyway)
Nope....instead his response was tame....not what I expected, I guess.
I know I have done the right thing. Just doesn't make it easier AT ALL!
Thanks for listening
Then I get a text about an hour ago asking if I had given any more thought to helping him.
Me: I love you, but I really can't
AS: OK
Me: I DO love you very very much, more than you will ever know or realize
AS: I love you too
Tough love SUCKS SO BAD!!!!!!!!
Weird, my first thought was how much easier it would have been if he got pissed and lashed out at me. Then I could have gotten pissed, and it would have kept the hurt/pain at bay (for a bit anyway)
Nope....instead his response was tame....not what I expected, I guess.
I know I have done the right thing. Just doesn't make it easier AT ALL!
Thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
There are often many shelters and other places that give out diapers and food just for the asking. You might also look into churches that provide food bags and assistance.
I just did a google search for free diapers and food for babies in my area and many links came up. Here's one: Find a diaper bank | NDBN.
I know how hard this must be for you. I'd be inclined to give a little bit of diapers and food so the baby will be ok, like some others have suggested and then encourage him to look into the free resources available.
I just did a google search for free diapers and food for babies in my area and many links came up. Here's one: Find a diaper bank | NDBN.
I know how hard this must be for you. I'd be inclined to give a little bit of diapers and food so the baby will be ok, like some others have suggested and then encourage him to look into the free resources available.
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