unease7

I think I've been numb for a while but now I'm starting to feel ANGER so strong it just comes all over me I feel like I could literally rip our whole house apart with my bare hands that's what this has done to me.I'm shaking as I type this he has destroyed our whole marriage he has hurt me he has hurt our children and he never seems to feel any consequences never. He has made me believe that I am crazy so many times but no more the only thing i feel any responsibility at all for is I wish sometimes that when he first started with all this years ago,I wish I would have stood up to him and refused to tolerate any of it but I believed him even felt sorry for him I thought he was in pain....... Now he is not my husband anymore how do we go from love to confusion to numbness to hate?? I have together my kids and get out

zoso77

unease...

You have every right to feel the way you do. I don't believe there is anything wrong with feeling angry.

What I will caution you about, though, is allowing your anger to poison your judgment. That never, ever works. In fact, it hurts us.

You have learned through your time here what you're dealing with, and it appears you're getting ready to make some hard decisions. Remember that you're not alone. You have us. Keep us posted going forward.

chicory

Unease, I think its very healthy to feel the anger when you have suppressed it for so long. I believe that I have heard that depression is anger turned inwards. letting it out, expressing it, is good, but as Zoso said, don't let it hurt you. Let it motivate you, to do what is good for you and the children.

You can share here with us. Its a safe place to vent that anger and work through to a solution.
hugs
chicory

JOIE12

unease,

You are going thru the mourning stage. You have lost someone. it's ok to feel the anger. It's a step in the healing process.

I kept a mental list of all the things my ex did to hurt me. I pulled them up each time I needed them, which was often. Also playing the guilt card on him. it wasn't healthy in any way. but .....

I was a prisoner of my own inability to end the relationship and let the pain go. Sure I was angry. At him. At myself. At the world.

So ......

I wrote down each painful memory, event, words ... on a separate piece of paper, wherever I was. Saved them. When I felt that it was time, I went someplace that was special to me and I burned them.

I watched each ash slip away with the wind. It seemed to move in slow motion.

My heart took a picture. And I had to let everything go.....

I wish you peace. We are here for you. You can share everything without judgment. Please take care of yourself.
Joie

Whitewingeddove

Wow....powerful statement right there!! Simply put yet very profound!

hopeful4

You have a right to be angry, that is absolutely valid and ok. The good news is that by going through this, you will not remain angry forever.

Hugs. Tight hugs.

Fate2012

I'm sorry for your pain. I know what's it's like to have all of these negative emotions running through you. It's can be overwhelming at times. Try and take care of yourself. You don't deserve to be treated that way...you deserve so much more!
Bless you and your children.

buffalodiscord

I just found out that what i knew about my wife's addiction was just the tip of the iceberg and she's been lying to me for years. Not full lies but half truths....i'm very hurt and i want to help but how can i ever trust or leave her on her own again? She's just entered treatment this week and i haven't even talked to her yet.

irisgardens

unease...so glad you posted and so glad you can 'feel' now...so that it can work itself through and out...

Lost2000

I am going trough the same thing as well as emotions that you are. I have too have gone from numb to angry. I don't really understand how one day I am not bothered by it and then the next day, I can hardly bring myself to get out of bed because the pain he has made me feel literally paralizes me. I came to this site about 2 weeks ago I guess looking for an easy fix to my husbands addiction to pain pils. I have learned that he will not change unless he is ready. Just take care of yourself as well as your children. I have read many posts of people encouraging people like yourself and I to take care of our selfs first. I am sure you are the same as me when it comes to his addiction consuming your every moment. Again, take care and good luck to you and your family!!!

Eileen01

unease, I've felt many of the same emotions as you describe. The good thing about feelings is they change. You have many reasons for those feelings. Take care of yourself and your kids first. It's hard to let go but letting go of his stuff really does help. Know you are in my thoughts.

I had to smile the other day when you commented about the garage door / paper dropping thing. I've done that exact same thing - stuck a leaf in the door, towards the bottom so it would only dislodge if door was opened - so I would know whether AH had gotten out of bed while I was gone. (He usually check's if my car is in the garage when I don't answer if he calls and I'm not there fast enough)

I agree it was a way to monitor if you opened the door. Sure hope you out spied him and put the piece of paper back so he didn't know you opened the door! :-)

(((hugs))) ~ Take care

Jorgenss

I think that becoming angry is part of the recovery process. Being angry gave me the courage to step off the merry go round.