Michesaki8

Granddaughter 18 left sober living after 3 weeks. Wanted to stay with us so we can take her to get her community service completed. She had just spent sixty days in inpatient rehab. Was doing great. She said she had a relapse and took heroin about a week ago. Sober living won't take her back due to lies..using..not coming home..etc. She was at our house 1 night and said she wanted to see boyfriend. We said no not tonight. She said I am going anyway and left. Hasn't come back...need advice. Worried sick. Her parents have sent her to our house several times to get sober.. They are "done with her" We put her in rehab but now ??? I'm scared to have her out there.. So young and vulnerable. Rehab said if we take her she needs to have rules..curfew..after one night she takes off.

CodeJob

I'm sorry. You must be a whirlwind of worried, hurt, and mad, Mich.

I think you should read a lot here. There are stickies above each section and that is a lot of golden wisdom.

You did not cause her addiction. You can't control it. You also can't cure it. This is known as the 3 C's.

zoso77

Welcome to the Board. I'm glad you found us.

Some of the most heartbreaking stories we see here are stories that involve young people using hard drugs. On the surface, it is incomprehensible that kids in this day and age even go near heroin given what we know about its deadliness. That said, kids think they're invulnerable. Never mind that, for example, heroin killed Janis Joplin and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Kids don't even consider something like that could happen to them.

One thing about addicts you need to understand is they abhor boundaries, and the reason why they do is because their own boundaries are so poor. Especially when the addict in question is only 18. The result is an 18 year old who's acting like a 5 year old. Hence, your AGD going to see her boyfriend even though you told her no. No one is going to tell her "no". No one is going to tell her anything.

Allow me to suggest, with the utmost respect, that allowing your AGD to live with you is not in your best interests. You can't help her. Her parents couldn't help her. The only way she will find recovery is if she decides she is done with heroin and follows that up with a course of treatment and a plan to stay on the path to recovery. Right now, she's not there.

I encourage you to read as many posts and threads as you can stomach. I also encourage you to send her parents our way. Al Anon/Nar Anon, in my opinion, will be able to provide all of you a means of support.

If you don't hear back from your AGD within the next 12-24 hours, I would also alert the authorities.

Please keep us posted. We're here for you. And again, Welcome to the Board.

Michesaki8

Thank you both for your replies. I appreciate the advice and please keep our AGD in your prayers. I am assuming I will hear from her since we have all her clothes and Meds from the facility. I am taking your suggestions and reading on this site and found a Nar anon mtg to attend. It is difficult for me to understand her behavior since a previous boyfriend died of heroin, she has spent two months in jail (for stealing) and is facing possible 5 yrs if her community service is not completed by April. She entered rehab in Nov and progressed to a safe house. I am wondering how to respond when she calls:to let her stay to finish community service and then have her leave or don't let her back now. I feel tha later will be a death sentence. Reading all night. Heartbreaking stories. Helpful site.

zoso77

Well, the only way her behavior will make sense is through the prism of drug addiction. Opiates are an incredibly difficult thing to kick, both physiologically and psychologically. When someone is under the influence of opiates, nothing matters. It's this chemically induced state of bliss and euphoria. And every time she does heroin, she's not thinking about the boyfriend she lost, or thinking about how she's slowly killing herself. She's thinking about how to get that feeling of bliss and euphoria back. And she will do anything to get there. ANYTHING.

Michesaki8

Sad but sorrowfully true

zoso77

Yup.

Anyways, it breaks my heart to read this about your AGD. I'm glad you're going to give Nar Anon a shot, though. You don't even have to share if you're not ready to. Just go and listen if that works for you.

Keep us posted.

camerajen

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My daughter is 19 and we've been dealing with this heroin nightmare for three years. I'm kind if sad that her parents have tasked you with this. My husband and I have considered sending our daughter to her grandparents but we know that it wouldn't be fair to them. She would lie to them, steal from them and destroy them. They can't fix her, we can't fix her, only she can fix herself. There's no good answer but I'm heartbroken you've been saddled with this. Set your boundaries.