When does the pain go away?

Old 01-23-2015, 08:58 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by killerinstinct View Post
He's an idiot and doesn't deserve his children and this will end in a bloody mess for him.. Trust me you are stronger than you know
Thank you *HUGS*
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Old 01-23-2015, 08:59 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Fate
I'm so sorry you're having to go through the same struggles and pain I sent you a PM
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Old 01-24-2015, 10:47 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Ladies, you were not rejected by a reject. You were too strong, too lovely, and too smart to go down that black hole to hell with your addicts, and so, they had to go in search of weaker prey.

Please don't be so hard on yourselves. The mind of an addict makes absolutely no sense at all and their actions, seem to those of us not addicted, to be the actions of insane people. In essence, they are insane while actively addicted.

You're all doing the right thing. Stand strong on your morals and convictions. Addiction has no place in a loving, caring relationship and one person in the relationship should not have to put in 100% of the effort. Addiction has no place in the lives of innocent children. As the mom of a now 19 year old son, whose father walked out on us when he was a child because of addiction, I completely understand that hurt, the fear, and the depth of the pain.

You WILL get through it and you, and your children, will be so much stronger and better for it. I was terrified of what all of this would do to my son, BUT, at 19, he's responsible, he has an excellent work ethic, he's caring, he's smart and he has a heart of absolute pure gold. He understands addiction and has steered very clear of it, thank God. Maybe even more importantly, he respects women. He and I are so close and always have been. I'm so d*mn proud of that child.

Embrace your children. There is no pain like the pain of seeing your children hurt and feeling helpless to heal it, but it will heal in its own way. Just be there for them. I know that's hard when you're hurting so badly yourself, but you'll figure out your own ways in navigating it and it won't always hurt this badly, I promise.

I look back now and I thank God every single day that he removed that person from our lives. My son hasn't seen his father since he was 3 years old. It's never been a hidden issue and he and I have always talked about it. I've never said a bad word about his father, but I did, as he was older and more capable of understanding, explain the situation as compassionately as I could. I've always encouraged him to talk about it if he needed to.

His father recently reached out to him. I told my son that I supported, 100%, whatever he wanted to do. It didn't take him long to come to the decision that he didn't want to meet him. He said "Mom, I don't hate him or anything, I just have no desire to meet him. I don't even know him. Is that ok?" - I told him to please be sure he was making that decision for himself and not because he thought it would upset me and he assured me that it was completely his decision. The desire just wasn't there. Between my father, my step-father, his friend's fathers who've really taken him under their wings, his uncles, etc...I truly don't think he missed a beat and honestly, I think that it was the best thing that could have ever happened.

Life has a very funny way of working out. Please give yourselves a break and cut yourselves some needed slack. This is a lot to work through, but you will, and you're going to be ok. You're going to be better than ok.

You both deserve so much more than what addicts are capable of giving.
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