katie44

I posted in September AS had taken our visa and used it, of course made every excuse and apologized even paid back the money. I knew then that he had relapsed of course he denied. The last few months he seems to have been doing better although we don't see him all the time. He has a lovely girlfriend who does not drink or do drugs. Recently she has called us concerned about his drinking. Our advice to her is too take care of herself. AS was here on Boxing Day asked me if he could get my mail box keys. I gave them too him, and my car key was attached. Instead of checking the mail he went in to my car and took my bank card . I had gone shopping with him Christmas Eve he must have seen me punch in the PIN number. I didnt notice the card missing until yesterday. When I checked the account he had taken 1500.00. Of course he apoligized blah blah blah ! Told me he would reimburse me today. My spouse and I are struggling financially he know that. Absolutely no conscience ! All about getting high. I let my guard down again with him. We told him yesterday, not too call us, don't come near our home, changed the locks on the door, and called the alarm company too turn back on the alarm - more money. I told him not too call us until he is leading a clean productive life. If he chooses not too then we have no room in our lives for his drug induced chaos, lies and thieving any longer. Today I feel strong, however daily that changes. I am all to familiar of the pains of a drug addict son. He's 27 years old, so handsome and a huge heart. The addict in him is pure chaos ! I feel we have no other choice at this point if we don't turn him away he well continue his manipulative ways. I don't even want too talk too him. I have call blocked him. Why does part of me feel guilty ? He cried and pleaded with me yesterday " please mom ill get help" don't disown me. I've heard it so many times just empty words. It truly broke my heart too see him like that. I stood my ground with him and told him as long as he is using drugs we do not want a relationship at all. I said we loved him always would. Told him to contact us when he was working a recovery plan in his life.

Ann

Katie, it's been a long road for you, as it was for me. It's not easy to let go of our addicted children, no matter what they do.

But there comes a time when we have had "enough" and cannot do one more day of living in their addiction. That doesn't make us bad mothers, it makes us mothers who love our children enough to let them find their own way by themselves.

Big hugs to you, I know how much this hurts. You did the right thing and my prayers go out for your son, that he finds a better path soon.

chicory

Wow, I am really sorry that your son did that to you, again. Is there anything you can bring yourself to do that will give him consequences for this theft?

heartbreaking, I know. be strong, and hold him accountable for what is a crime. It may save his life.
prayers,
chic

zoso77

Katie...

Thanks for following up with us. I'm sorry this has happened (again). But I'm also not surprised. You're probably not surprised, either.

Do what is necessary to protect yourself.

katie44

No truly I'm not surprised at what he has done. I have to go to the bank and fill out papers the account was frauded, so yes hell be held accountable for what he's done. He will be going to jail, Im afraid this time it well be for a very long time. At least a year. Why is it that I actually feel bad ?

Ann

Katie, when I used to feel bad allowing my son to face his consequences, I would remind myself that it was HE who got himself into this mess, it was HE who stole from you knowing it was wrong and illegal, and just maybe this consequence will be the strangely wrapped gift that gives him clean time to think over his life and how he chooses to live it.

Big mama to mama hugs, you did the right thing.

Ilovemysonjj

Dearest Katie, I too have walked this long road with theft , lies, deceit. In reading the scenario, your son knew EXACTLY what he was doing when he took your card. It was pre-meditated. The addict is in charge, so remember that and be strong. My son did several months in jail due to the thefts and burglarizing of our home. He is still struggling, but my boundaries are crystal clear!
Hugs and I hope you continue reaching out.
TT

zoso77

Because he's your son, and you love him. You brought him into the world. But he's chosen the path that he's on.

I'm of the opinion that by allowing him to go to jail, you're doing him a favor, too. And that's allowing him to face the consequences of his actions. With luck, it will force him to grow up.

hopeful4

You love him and that never stops. Thing is, jail may be the one place to save him from himself.

Tight hugs. I am glad to hear from you, but sorry this is the update. Take good care of yourself.

XXX

maia1234

I have posted this multiple times tonight, but I think you need this also. I copies this from SR and love it. I hope this helps you keep strong, as you are doing the right thing!!

If you love me let me fall all by myself. Don't try to spread a net out to catch me, don't throw a pillow under my a** to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it, don't stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me) ...

Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit ... trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it. The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me ...

The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours ... the sooner I will arrive ... and on time ... just right where I need to be ... me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead ... resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one ... If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile ...

I am free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out .. I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound ... Don't you see ?? Don't you know ?? You can't do this for me ... I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever suppose to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours ...

I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act from your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me ... but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good ... don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly ... Nudge me out of your safety net ... trust the process and pray for me ... that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar.

katie44

Thankyou for your replies and yes I did need the above posting. Printing it out today and keeping it on me . I got a call from my sons girlfriend at midnite. She is a lovely girl, doesn't drink or do drugs. She said he has been staying with here for the past few days. Turns out she sent him for pizza last nite with her credit card. When he didnt return she called the visa and he had tried to take cash off her card 160.00. His attempt was unsuccessful. Her parents live there and they were all waiting for there pizza. She has packed his stuff , and when he returns today she is telling him there over. Of course he has denied trying to take cash off the card. I am beyond disgusted and ashamed of his behaviour !!! He is totally out of control. He now has no one left in his life that truly cares or loves him. Despise drugs !!! I am so angry with him right now. Yes he is going to be held accountable this week for stealing from us .

Ann

Katie, I'm so sorry. It doesn't excuse anything but active addicts steal from anywhere they can. My son did too.

He is running out of options, that's a good thing, recovery remains as one of them and he may be closer than you think...or not...it's up to him.

Hugs