Update on my boyfriend
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
Lily I have also been where you are. My AH has ended up in prison and I ended up kicking him out because I had a near nervous breakdown.
I also had a time when I felt attacked on here. .. It was because I was protecting him. . I didn't want anyone thinking my AH was the same as other addicts.
I'm sorry to say he is the same. . They are all the same until they want recovery. . You are in an emotionally abusive relationship its the same as the lady with a black eye who says she walked into a kitchen cupboard except it's your brain that's getting affected... The guilt..The anxiety...The fear...The unmanageable life you trying to keep together.
He will not get better until he does that himself. It sucks but is this really what you want for your life? Ask yourself when was the relationship last normal? What do you really love about him? How does he contribute to the living relationship?
Big hugs for you cause it doesn't get any better
I also had a time when I felt attacked on here. .. It was because I was protecting him. . I didn't want anyone thinking my AH was the same as other addicts.
I'm sorry to say he is the same. . They are all the same until they want recovery. . You are in an emotionally abusive relationship its the same as the lady with a black eye who says she walked into a kitchen cupboard except it's your brain that's getting affected... The guilt..The anxiety...The fear...The unmanageable life you trying to keep together.
He will not get better until he does that himself. It sucks but is this really what you want for your life? Ask yourself when was the relationship last normal? What do you really love about him? How does he contribute to the living relationship?
Big hugs for you cause it doesn't get any better
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by lily1122 
Hi Mayabee~ My boyfriend is actually doing well today.
He is cutting down the drinking.
He said he thinks the worst is pretty much over ( detox wise not recovery of course)
He is eating better, but is getting really bad heartburn.
He was getting the cold sweats for a while but now hes just warm.
He admits that the methadone he took was a mistake and he would of felt a lot better sooner if he didn't take it.
I know he has a very long road ahead of him but today has been a good day so far and I am so happy for him.
I told him today I was proud of him ( and I am), he seemed shocked that I am proud of him but it did seem like he was happy to hear me say it. He could of went back out and used but instead he stayed here and went through the pain and even though he drank the past 3 days I don't think he would of made it this far with out it.
Thanks for asking. I wasn't going to post anything more because of people telling me I was wrong for having him hear but its nice to have someone ask about whats going on.
He is cutting down the drinking.
He said he thinks the worst is pretty much over ( detox wise not recovery of course)
He is eating better, but is getting really bad heartburn.
He was getting the cold sweats for a while but now hes just warm.
He admits that the methadone he took was a mistake and he would of felt a lot better sooner if he didn't take it.
I know he has a very long road ahead of him but today has been a good day so far and I am so happy for him.
I told him today I was proud of him ( and I am), he seemed shocked that I am proud of him but it did seem like he was happy to hear me say it. He could of went back out and used but instead he stayed here and went through the pain and even though he drank the past 3 days I don't think he would of made it this far with out it.
Thanks for asking. I wasn't going to post anything more because of people telling me I was wrong for having him hear but its nice to have someone ask about whats going on.
I don't think it's wrong to help someone detox at home, but it is very difficult to do. It was so emotionally draining for me to take care of AH when he was in that state of mind.
Take good care of you
maybe take a hot bath or curl up with a good book. hugs.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 65
Hey Lily, glad he's trying hard to detox. Please encourage him to seek out long term inpatient rehab. I believe it is what many addicts, especially opiate addicts, need to have a fighting chance at sobriety. Heroin and opiates are a beast like no other. My A wentvtovone, was clean for a year and a half, relapsed. Tried out patient and suboxone, and the pull was too strong and she went back full force a few months back. The physical plus psychological withdrawals are so very strong with opiates. Getting away from all people places and things and having a significant amount of time to learn and practice healthy coping skills and deal with underlying issues is, in my opinion, a necessity for opiate abusers. My A also just contacted me after 10 days of "going dark" and is finally ready, I think, to go back in to inpatient. After trying for two years on her own. It's not a solution, but it is a very important first step. Hugs and prayers to you, keep us posted.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 45
day 6
Lily1918~ I cant believe hes doing so well either. I am very proud of him.
Having him here to detox was hard because I didn't know what to do to help him but then I realized all I can do is be there when he needed me.
He seems to be in a good state of mind right now. Hes just trying to get better physically, he gets muscle aches in his back and legs but I am thinking its not going to go away. Hes also weak from the weight loss so that's what hes trying to work on right now.
Hes trying to walk around to keep his muscles going and I don't think its a good idea to lay down and do nothing.
tangerinepuddle~ Hes doing pretty well with the detox. He cant go to a long term inpatient rehab he doesn't have insurance, the only thing I could do is add him to my insurance but I don't know if I want to and I don't even know how long for it to take affect.
As for right now we are just taking it day by day, and we talk about whats on his mind and how hes feeling (its been a long time since we communicated)
As far as our 'relationship', I am not even thinking about that, the most important thing right now is to help him get better .
We do have a lot of things to discuss as far as 'us' but its going to wait for now. I am not letting all of the stress of what our relationship was turning into get in the way of helping him with his recovery.
I will keep everyone posted on how hes doing. I cant believe its going to be a week tomorrow that he came home.
Having him here to detox was hard because I didn't know what to do to help him but then I realized all I can do is be there when he needed me.
He seems to be in a good state of mind right now. Hes just trying to get better physically, he gets muscle aches in his back and legs but I am thinking its not going to go away. Hes also weak from the weight loss so that's what hes trying to work on right now.
Hes trying to walk around to keep his muscles going and I don't think its a good idea to lay down and do nothing.
tangerinepuddle~ Hes doing pretty well with the detox. He cant go to a long term inpatient rehab he doesn't have insurance, the only thing I could do is add him to my insurance but I don't know if I want to and I don't even know how long for it to take affect.
As for right now we are just taking it day by day, and we talk about whats on his mind and how hes feeling (its been a long time since we communicated)
As far as our 'relationship', I am not even thinking about that, the most important thing right now is to help him get better .
We do have a lot of things to discuss as far as 'us' but its going to wait for now. I am not letting all of the stress of what our relationship was turning into get in the way of helping him with his recovery.
I will keep everyone posted on how hes doing. I cant believe its going to be a week tomorrow that he came home.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 45
day at a time
Dove ~thanks for asking. Things are going ok. My boyfriend is up and doing ok but still has moments of feeling bad. Right now he says he says it feels like he has the flu, he's achy in his bones and his back hurts. He gets cold sweats when he sleeps and he's having a hard time doing that.
I did find some stuff about while he was "out there" that was pretty devestating and I had to he honest with him and tell him i may not be able to get over it but I'm willing to try.
I just try to remember he has done stuff that he's ashamed of while he was using but I told him that certain things just can't be forgotten because of his using and he has to take responsibility for his actions.
We are taking things day by day. I am more concerned with his recovery right now then our relationship. If its meant to be it will happen.
We have made a conscious effort to communicate about everything and talk things out and I did tell him there maybe things I ask him he may not want to talk about but its important to discuss things because I feel its the only way to work on things and move on. I also feel its important for him to not keep things to himself and make himself so stressed he goes and uses again.
That's my update for the day
I did find some stuff about while he was "out there" that was pretty devestating and I had to he honest with him and tell him i may not be able to get over it but I'm willing to try.
I just try to remember he has done stuff that he's ashamed of while he was using but I told him that certain things just can't be forgotten because of his using and he has to take responsibility for his actions.
We are taking things day by day. I am more concerned with his recovery right now then our relationship. If its meant to be it will happen.
We have made a conscious effort to communicate about everything and talk things out and I did tell him there maybe things I ask him he may not want to talk about but its important to discuss things because I feel its the only way to work on things and move on. I also feel its important for him to not keep things to himself and make himself so stressed he goes and uses again.
That's my update for the day
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