Christmas shopping for my son
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Christmas shopping for my son
I struggle this year with ideas for xmas gifts for my son. He is in active addiction at this point, and I am trying not to enable, but wish to do something practical for xmas gifts.
He, his GF (also an addict) and my granddaughter (23 mos) have an apartment which I envision them losing anytime. State Assistance does not even cover the entire rent and their propane and electric are extra. I have no idea what will happen with these other bills, only know that last I knew, they had a disconnect notice on their electric and although my DH offered to help with that this month (there is a local community action program that will "help" with a portion of the bill, but they have to demonstrate the other portion can be paid), they have not pursued that.
Anyhow...my "thoughts" for xmas for my son & his GF this year are: bus passes for 1 or 2 mos for each of them. They both are on the suboxone program but can take a bus to get their daily doses. They have a car, but no winter tires and last I knew, insurance was ready to lapse mid-month. The car also requires gas, obviously, but I am not providing gas money. I see the bus passes as a better alternative (and cheaper). The other idea would be a laundry basket containing household items which foodstamps don't cover, such as basic essentials: laundry soap, dish detergent, shampoo, soap, household cleaners, paper towels, toilet paper, diapers, etc.
I struggle because while I don't want to enable, I have a granddaughter who is affected in this household. If it weren't for her, I might not even consider it. As I said, I plan to do xmas gifts, as always, but am thinking the above might be more appropriate. Certainly not "fun" gifts, but that's not the point, I guess.
Thoughts? Please be fairly gentle......lol.
thanks
He, his GF (also an addict) and my granddaughter (23 mos) have an apartment which I envision them losing anytime. State Assistance does not even cover the entire rent and their propane and electric are extra. I have no idea what will happen with these other bills, only know that last I knew, they had a disconnect notice on their electric and although my DH offered to help with that this month (there is a local community action program that will "help" with a portion of the bill, but they have to demonstrate the other portion can be paid), they have not pursued that.
Anyhow...my "thoughts" for xmas for my son & his GF this year are: bus passes for 1 or 2 mos for each of them. They both are on the suboxone program but can take a bus to get their daily doses. They have a car, but no winter tires and last I knew, insurance was ready to lapse mid-month. The car also requires gas, obviously, but I am not providing gas money. I see the bus passes as a better alternative (and cheaper). The other idea would be a laundry basket containing household items which foodstamps don't cover, such as basic essentials: laundry soap, dish detergent, shampoo, soap, household cleaners, paper towels, toilet paper, diapers, etc.
I struggle because while I don't want to enable, I have a granddaughter who is affected in this household. If it weren't for her, I might not even consider it. As I said, I plan to do xmas gifts, as always, but am thinking the above might be more appropriate. Certainly not "fun" gifts, but that's not the point, I guess.
Thoughts? Please be fairly gentle......lol.
thanks
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
My thought is that these sound like great ideas. One thing I will mention is to take everything out of it's wrapper. Don't give them diapers in a wrap, unwrap it all so they cannot take it to the store for money.
Most places have what is called in MO the Cold Weather Rule. It basically says that the heat cannot be shut off if the temp is under a certain temp, but you must call and inquire about it. Encourage them to do so.
XXX
Most places have what is called in MO the Cold Weather Rule. It basically says that the heat cannot be shut off if the temp is under a certain temp, but you must call and inquire about it. Encourage them to do so.
XXX
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 205
These are great ideas! Really! Not sure if they like sweets or have much appetite but I like to give homemade baked treats when I want to show a nice gesture but not spend a lot of money. Or in this case, have my gifts sold/traded 
I also like hopeful's suggestion to take everything out of its packaging. So sad we have to think of things like that. Do you know if they have sufficient scarves, hats, etc? I would think inexpensive ones with the tags removed can't be of much value (?).
I also like hopeful's suggestion to take everything out of its packaging. So sad we have to think of things like that. Do you know if they have sufficient scarves, hats, etc? I would think inexpensive ones with the tags removed can't be of much value (?).
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
hi whitewing, sounds like a good approach to me. i'm struggling with this myself. catch myself thinking of nice, fun things for my as and then, like nooooo..... he's come a long way yet has a long way to go yet.
i hope you got some snuggles from your little one at the family party?!
i do small gifts for him, nothing of monetary value. boxers, socks, deodorant, dunkin donut card, t-shirts..... i love the bus pass idea!
and if i might suggest? be especially kind to yourself. what would be a really relaxing activity/gift you can give yourself? i have come to believe that when i do nice things for myself and improve my outlook on life that it is a sideways gift to my son..... in a strange way being able to find joy (i'm not the addict) in even the littlest things, it sheds light into a dark place.....
i hope you got some snuggles from your little one at the family party?!
i do small gifts for him, nothing of monetary value. boxers, socks, deodorant, dunkin donut card, t-shirts..... i love the bus pass idea!
and if i might suggest? be especially kind to yourself. what would be a really relaxing activity/gift you can give yourself? i have come to believe that when i do nice things for myself and improve my outlook on life that it is a sideways gift to my son..... in a strange way being able to find joy (i'm not the addict) in even the littlest things, it sheds light into a dark place.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
I think the bus passes are a great idea.
If they are dealing with a cold, drafty apartment and have no wool allergy,
I swear by these LLBean RiverDriver shirts which have an inner layer of cotton
and are 40% wool / 10% nylon on the outer layer. If there is doubt about liking wool
or finding it itchy, they might not like these. I buy them big and shrink them on purpose
as they say "lay flat to dry or will shrink" whereas I just buy an XL size and dry the crap out of them with other laundry.
I live in a house with a woodstove and I wear these all the time in the Fall, Winter, and Spring as well as outside under a sweater or coat.
They are cozy and warm and get softer the more you wash them, but wear like iron.
The women's versions don't have much wool so I suggest the Men's--they come in Henley style or crewneck and there are a few discontinued colors on sale at the moment if you look around the site.
Here is the link for the main page with a description:
Two-Layer River Driver's Shirt and reg;, Traditional Fit Henley: Henleys | Free Shipping at L.L.Bean
I don't know if that's a good idea or not in terms of them "trading" them for something else, but these shirts say "love" to me like few other material things do.
Order yourself one no matter what and cuddle up in bed reading with some tea. Lovely.
If they are dealing with a cold, drafty apartment and have no wool allergy,
I swear by these LLBean RiverDriver shirts which have an inner layer of cotton
and are 40% wool / 10% nylon on the outer layer. If there is doubt about liking wool
or finding it itchy, they might not like these. I buy them big and shrink them on purpose
as they say "lay flat to dry or will shrink" whereas I just buy an XL size and dry the crap out of them with other laundry.
I live in a house with a woodstove and I wear these all the time in the Fall, Winter, and Spring as well as outside under a sweater or coat.
They are cozy and warm and get softer the more you wash them, but wear like iron.
The women's versions don't have much wool so I suggest the Men's--they come in Henley style or crewneck and there are a few discontinued colors on sale at the moment if you look around the site.
Here is the link for the main page with a description:
Two-Layer River Driver's Shirt and reg;, Traditional Fit Henley: Henleys | Free Shipping at L.L.Bean
I don't know if that's a good idea or not in terms of them "trading" them for something else, but these shirts say "love" to me like few other material things do.
Order yourself one no matter what and cuddle up in bed reading with some tea. Lovely.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
I agree that things should not be left packaged as hopeful suggests, but if you give them something clothing-wise,
you could prewash and dry it, and then present it in a nice cheerful giftbag so that it can't be traded or returned for cash.
you could prewash and dry it, and then present it in a nice cheerful giftbag so that it can't be traded or returned for cash.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 258
Whitewingeddove. I am very sorry for your situation. This is heart wrenching to read for an „outsider” and must be so hard for you as a mom.
Having experienced a loved one’s addiction, I know all this is not your fault. For me, I just have a really hard time to wrap my head around the question what to gift an addict, when I know there’s a child living in a home with utilities being about to be disconnected and even diapers going to be re-sold for drug money. I know this is what addiction does, but it still breaks my heart. You and your granddaughter are in my thoughts.
Having experienced a loved one’s addiction, I know all this is not your fault. For me, I just have a really hard time to wrap my head around the question what to gift an addict, when I know there’s a child living in a home with utilities being about to be disconnected and even diapers going to be re-sold for drug money. I know this is what addiction does, but it still breaks my heart. You and your granddaughter are in my thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
I can't think of gifts but rather why a child is living with two addicts. Is there another adult in the house with the child? That scares me.
For a while my grandchildren were visiting my son and his girlfriend. I didn't know she was an addict also but they were there on weekends every other weekend with them. Luckily they are not babies and it seems like when it was my son's weekend he wasn't high. Only saying that because he is a binge user and uses off and on. He seemed to be able to abstain when it was 'his' weekend with the kids. I was horrified when I found out she was an addict too. They are not together now so it isn't an issue but that stuff scares me.
As far as gifts for addicts, this has been brought up here before and someone said that they take theirs out on a day around Christmas for an outing. For example, go for dinner and a movie or out for a beauty day with their daughter, etc. I like the idea of a gift basket of things they need.
Kari
For a while my grandchildren were visiting my son and his girlfriend. I didn't know she was an addict also but they were there on weekends every other weekend with them. Luckily they are not babies and it seems like when it was my son's weekend he wasn't high. Only saying that because he is a binge user and uses off and on. He seemed to be able to abstain when it was 'his' weekend with the kids. I was horrified when I found out she was an addict too. They are not together now so it isn't an issue but that stuff scares me.
As far as gifts for addicts, this has been brought up here before and someone said that they take theirs out on a day around Christmas for an outing. For example, go for dinner and a movie or out for a beauty day with their daughter, etc. I like the idea of a gift basket of things they need.
Kari
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Sorry, this is a double post. Don't see how to delete it.
I can't think of gifts but rather why a child is living with two addicts. Is there another adult in the house with the child? That scares me.
For a while my grandchildren were visiting my son and his girlfriend. I didn't know she was an addict also but they were there on weekends every other weekend with them. Luckily they are not babies and it seems like when it was my son's weekend he wasn't high. Only saying that because he is a binge user and uses off and on. He seemed to be able to abstain when it was 'his' weekend with the kids. I was horrified when I found out she was an addict too. They are not together now so it isn't an issue but that stuff scares me.
As far as gifts for addicts, this has been brought up here before and someone said that they take theirs out on a day around Christmas for an outing. For example, go for dinner and a movie or out for a beauty day with their daughter, etc. I like the idea of a gift basket of things they need.
Kari
I can't think of gifts but rather why a child is living with two addicts. Is there another adult in the house with the child? That scares me.
For a while my grandchildren were visiting my son and his girlfriend. I didn't know she was an addict also but they were there on weekends every other weekend with them. Luckily they are not babies and it seems like when it was my son's weekend he wasn't high. Only saying that because he is a binge user and uses off and on. He seemed to be able to abstain when it was 'his' weekend with the kids. I was horrified when I found out she was an addict too. They are not together now so it isn't an issue but that stuff scares me.
As far as gifts for addicts, this has been brought up here before and someone said that they take theirs out on a day around Christmas for an outing. For example, go for dinner and a movie or out for a beauty day with their daughter, etc. I like the idea of a gift basket of things they need.
Kari
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Currently our state law's definition of "harm" does not include substance abuse by the parent(s), although the state legislature is taking this matter up when they reconvene in January. There (currently) have to be other factors such as abuse or neglect. Physically and developmentally she is currently thriving. Which I am very thankful for! Hoping to see some changes in our state laws in 2015.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think your suggestions are good, not enabling! As long as the bus pass's can't be sold for money, that is a very good idea.
Years ago it would have been extremely hard for me to wrap my head around having to take diapers out of their packaging first before giving to a baby in a household with addiction, but nothing surprises me anymore and I always err on the side of caution.
Years ago it would have been extremely hard for me to wrap my head around having to take diapers out of their packaging first before giving to a baby in a household with addiction, but nothing surprises me anymore and I always err on the side of caution.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
whitewingdove...glad that you have the above ideas...they are awesome.
just sharing what i am going to do with my addict this christmas (we are very financially stressed as well...so it makes sense from a money management standpoint)--nothing.
she always cuts contact...i believe it is due to shame and guilt and she acknowledges resentments...but i also believe that she is the one who can make the decision to make her life healthier and only when she is ready.
she reached out last weekend...and it was good and hard...she started in on me again (all three daughters have done this...and it has been going on for so long that I am numb...but I also choose to believe it might be the only way that they can get free to live their own lives which is what they are meant to do)--so I directed her to her dad and she called him and he went to the City, met with her and they had a long convo.
He had her call me and she told me some things...probably what she thinks I want or need to hear...but I believe (after trying all the other things) that she needs me to accept her as she is...and so I did that...and although I did originally write some feelings on my part...let go of that and will continue to improve.
I was jealous that she only wanted to talk and be with her dad...but have to acknowledge that I would have been a mess if I had gone...and I have been a mess.
I am working to respect her boundary and also putting some of my own in place...a long time ago...a therapist (around my oldest daughter--now 35; then 18) told me I am a very loving and wonderful mother which made it hard for my daughter to pull free and become herself...it is one of the things that I internalized (not so much the loving and wonderful mother part...but certainly that my daughters needs some freedom to make their own choices and I need to 'let go and let God').
My husband is from a culture where kids remain kids for a very long time...and he is old fashioned (still practicing what he remembers from 40 years ago in his home country) and so I am also letting go and letting God with respect to his behavior...it is his choice and his life.
It is really really hard...and Christmas will test that...as gift giving has always been one of my favorite activities...but there is nothing this year to give and husband has indicated upon me asking that it is not a good idea...and so I will respect that.
I really pray for a less fractured family...that my children become who they are meant to be...despite me and my behaviors...and that they will be greatly blessed and that my husband and I can continue with our job of rebuilding our lives and dealing with what is ours to deal with...and I am turning everything over to my HP (God for me) as best and most as I can...as I have no more 'brilliant' or 'creative' ideas at this point.
It will take time...and I hate that...but I have no other choice...and I need to trust God to make it happen as it is supposed to happen...because I have not made it work...for all my trying and exhaustion and 'creative' approaches...and so now I need to just accept that only God can do anything about this gigantic mess and hopefully show me exactly what I am supposed to be doing and give me the energy for it.
So...I have no idea what Christmas will be or look like...but one thing I know is that I will not be 'controlling' it...as it would not be what is supposed to be this year. Have always loved Christmas...and yet...this is a year for letting go and accepting that each person in my family has a voice and that if I end up reading a book that day...it will be good enough for me...because the material gifts of Christmas (which I dedicated myself to giving for over 35 years) are not what really matter...it is the love we feel for one another...and I know that I love my husband and my adult children and grandchildren...and can be big enough to just let things be what they unfold to be rather than working so hard to pull it together and make it 'appear' that we are together...when in fact we are not.
just sharing what i am going to do with my addict this christmas (we are very financially stressed as well...so it makes sense from a money management standpoint)--nothing.
she always cuts contact...i believe it is due to shame and guilt and she acknowledges resentments...but i also believe that she is the one who can make the decision to make her life healthier and only when she is ready.
she reached out last weekend...and it was good and hard...she started in on me again (all three daughters have done this...and it has been going on for so long that I am numb...but I also choose to believe it might be the only way that they can get free to live their own lives which is what they are meant to do)--so I directed her to her dad and she called him and he went to the City, met with her and they had a long convo.
He had her call me and she told me some things...probably what she thinks I want or need to hear...but I believe (after trying all the other things) that she needs me to accept her as she is...and so I did that...and although I did originally write some feelings on my part...let go of that and will continue to improve.
I was jealous that she only wanted to talk and be with her dad...but have to acknowledge that I would have been a mess if I had gone...and I have been a mess.
I am working to respect her boundary and also putting some of my own in place...a long time ago...a therapist (around my oldest daughter--now 35; then 18) told me I am a very loving and wonderful mother which made it hard for my daughter to pull free and become herself...it is one of the things that I internalized (not so much the loving and wonderful mother part...but certainly that my daughters needs some freedom to make their own choices and I need to 'let go and let God').
My husband is from a culture where kids remain kids for a very long time...and he is old fashioned (still practicing what he remembers from 40 years ago in his home country) and so I am also letting go and letting God with respect to his behavior...it is his choice and his life.
It is really really hard...and Christmas will test that...as gift giving has always been one of my favorite activities...but there is nothing this year to give and husband has indicated upon me asking that it is not a good idea...and so I will respect that.
I really pray for a less fractured family...that my children become who they are meant to be...despite me and my behaviors...and that they will be greatly blessed and that my husband and I can continue with our job of rebuilding our lives and dealing with what is ours to deal with...and I am turning everything over to my HP (God for me) as best and most as I can...as I have no more 'brilliant' or 'creative' ideas at this point.
It will take time...and I hate that...but I have no other choice...and I need to trust God to make it happen as it is supposed to happen...because I have not made it work...for all my trying and exhaustion and 'creative' approaches...and so now I need to just accept that only God can do anything about this gigantic mess and hopefully show me exactly what I am supposed to be doing and give me the energy for it.
So...I have no idea what Christmas will be or look like...but one thing I know is that I will not be 'controlling' it...as it would not be what is supposed to be this year. Have always loved Christmas...and yet...this is a year for letting go and accepting that each person in my family has a voice and that if I end up reading a book that day...it will be good enough for me...because the material gifts of Christmas (which I dedicated myself to giving for over 35 years) are not what really matter...it is the love we feel for one another...and I know that I love my husband and my adult children and grandchildren...and can be big enough to just let things be what they unfold to be rather than working so hard to pull it together and make it 'appear' that we are together...when in fact we are not.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
whitewingdove...glad that you have the above ideas...they are awesome.
just sharing what i am going to do with my addict this christmas (we are very financially stressed as well...so it makes sense from a money management standpoint)--nothing.
she always cuts contact...i believe it is due to shame and guilt and she acknowledges resentments...but i also believe that she is the one who can make the decision to make her life healthier and only when she is ready.
she reached out last weekend...and it was good and hard...she started in on me again (all three daughters have done this...and it has been going on for so long that I am numb...but I also choose to believe it might be the only way that they can get free to live their own lives which is what they are meant to do)--so I directed her to her dad and she called him and he went to the City, met with her and they had a long convo.
He had her call me and she told me some things...probably what she thinks I want or need to hear...but I believe (after trying all the other things) that she needs me to accept her as she is...and so I did that...and although I did originally write some feelings on my part...let go of that and will continue to improve.
I was jealous that she only wanted to talk and be with her dad...but have to acknowledge that I would have been a mess if I had gone...and I have been a mess.
I am working to respect her boundary and also putting some of my own in place...a long time ago...a therapist (around my oldest daughter--now 35; then 18) told me I am a very loving and wonderful mother which made it hard for my daughter to pull free and become herself...it is one of the things that I internalized (not so much the loving and wonderful mother part...but certainly that my daughters needs some freedom to make their own choices and I need to 'let go and let God').
My husband is from a culture where kids remain kids for a very long time...and he is old fashioned (still practicing what he remembers from 40 years ago in his home country) and so I am also letting go and letting God with respect to his behavior...it is his choice and his life.
It is really really hard...and Christmas will test that...as gift giving has always been one of my favorite activities...but there is nothing this year to give and husband has indicated upon me asking that it is not a good idea...and so I will respect that.
I really pray for a less fractured family...that my children become who they are meant to be...despite me and my behaviors...and that they will be greatly blessed and that my husband and I can continue with our job of rebuilding our lives and dealing with what is ours to deal with...and I am turning everything over to my HP (God for me) as best and most as I can...as I have no more 'brilliant' or 'creative' ideas at this point.
It will take time...and I hate that...but I have no other choice...and I need to trust God to make it happen as it is supposed to happen...because I have not made it work...for all my trying and exhaustion and 'creative' approaches...and so now I need to just accept that only God can do anything about this gigantic mess and hopefully show me exactly what I am supposed to be doing and give me the energy for it.
So...I have no idea what Christmas will be or look like...but one thing I know is that I will not be 'controlling' it...as it would not be what is supposed to be this year. Have always loved Christmas...and yet...this is a year for letting go and accepting that each person in my family has a voice and that if I end up reading a book that day...it will be good enough for me...because the material gifts of Christmas (which I dedicated myself to giving for over 35 years) are not what really matter...it is the love we feel for one another...and I know that I love my husband and my adult children and grandchildren...and can be big enough to just let things be what they unfold to be rather than working so hard to pull it together and make it 'appear' that we are together...when in fact we are not.
just sharing what i am going to do with my addict this christmas (we are very financially stressed as well...so it makes sense from a money management standpoint)--nothing.
she always cuts contact...i believe it is due to shame and guilt and she acknowledges resentments...but i also believe that she is the one who can make the decision to make her life healthier and only when she is ready.
she reached out last weekend...and it was good and hard...she started in on me again (all three daughters have done this...and it has been going on for so long that I am numb...but I also choose to believe it might be the only way that they can get free to live their own lives which is what they are meant to do)--so I directed her to her dad and she called him and he went to the City, met with her and they had a long convo.
He had her call me and she told me some things...probably what she thinks I want or need to hear...but I believe (after trying all the other things) that she needs me to accept her as she is...and so I did that...and although I did originally write some feelings on my part...let go of that and will continue to improve.
I was jealous that she only wanted to talk and be with her dad...but have to acknowledge that I would have been a mess if I had gone...and I have been a mess.
I am working to respect her boundary and also putting some of my own in place...a long time ago...a therapist (around my oldest daughter--now 35; then 18) told me I am a very loving and wonderful mother which made it hard for my daughter to pull free and become herself...it is one of the things that I internalized (not so much the loving and wonderful mother part...but certainly that my daughters needs some freedom to make their own choices and I need to 'let go and let God').
My husband is from a culture where kids remain kids for a very long time...and he is old fashioned (still practicing what he remembers from 40 years ago in his home country) and so I am also letting go and letting God with respect to his behavior...it is his choice and his life.
It is really really hard...and Christmas will test that...as gift giving has always been one of my favorite activities...but there is nothing this year to give and husband has indicated upon me asking that it is not a good idea...and so I will respect that.
I really pray for a less fractured family...that my children become who they are meant to be...despite me and my behaviors...and that they will be greatly blessed and that my husband and I can continue with our job of rebuilding our lives and dealing with what is ours to deal with...and I am turning everything over to my HP (God for me) as best and most as I can...as I have no more 'brilliant' or 'creative' ideas at this point.
It will take time...and I hate that...but I have no other choice...and I need to trust God to make it happen as it is supposed to happen...because I have not made it work...for all my trying and exhaustion and 'creative' approaches...and so now I need to just accept that only God can do anything about this gigantic mess and hopefully show me exactly what I am supposed to be doing and give me the energy for it.
So...I have no idea what Christmas will be or look like...but one thing I know is that I will not be 'controlling' it...as it would not be what is supposed to be this year. Have always loved Christmas...and yet...this is a year for letting go and accepting that each person in my family has a voice and that if I end up reading a book that day...it will be good enough for me...because the material gifts of Christmas (which I dedicated myself to giving for over 35 years) are not what really matter...it is the love we feel for one another...and I know that I love my husband and my adult children and grandchildren...and can be big enough to just let things be what they unfold to be rather than working so hard to pull it together and make it 'appear' that we are together...when in fact we are not.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Irisgardens, I am striving to do what you describe. I've had a few good days in a row of not obsessing and distracting myself when my brain starts heading in that usual direction. I suspect eventually it will all build again and I will have an emotional meltdown, but for now am trying to enjoy living in the moment and appreciate the fact I've been able to sleep at night. I do say a prayer each night asking God to take care of my son and his family as he knows I am unable to do so. It seems to give me some peace to do this.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,252
Originally Posted by Whitewingeddove 
I struggle this year with ideas for xmas gifts for my son. He is in active addiction at this point, and I am trying not to enable, but wish to do something practical for xmas gifts.
He, his GF (also an addict) and my granddaughter (23 mos) have an apartment which I envision them losing anytime. State Assistance does not even cover the entire rent and their propane and electric are extra. I have no idea what will happen with these other bills, only know that last I knew, they had a disconnect notice on their electric and although my DH offered to help with that this month (there is a local community action program that will "help" with a portion of the bill, but they have to demonstrate the other portion can be paid), they have not pursued that.
Anyhow...my "thoughts" for xmas for my son & his GF this year are: bus passes for 1 or 2 mos for each of them. They both are on the suboxone program but can take a bus to get their daily doses. They have a car, but no winter tires and last I knew, insurance was ready to lapse mid-month. The car also requires gas, obviously, but I am not providing gas money. I see the bus passes as a better alternative (and cheaper). The other idea would be a laundry basket containing household items which foodstamps don't cover, such as basic essentials: laundry soap, dish detergent, shampoo, soap, household cleaners, paper towels, toilet paper, diapers, etc.
I struggle because while I don't want to enable, I have a granddaughter who is affected in this household. If it weren't for her, I might not even consider it. As I said, I plan to do xmas gifts, as always, but am thinking the above might be more appropriate. Certainly not "fun" gifts, but that's not the point, I guess.
Thoughts? Please be fairly gentle......lol.
thanks
He, his GF (also an addict) and my granddaughter (23 mos) have an apartment which I envision them losing anytime. State Assistance does not even cover the entire rent and their propane and electric are extra. I have no idea what will happen with these other bills, only know that last I knew, they had a disconnect notice on their electric and although my DH offered to help with that this month (there is a local community action program that will "help" with a portion of the bill, but they have to demonstrate the other portion can be paid), they have not pursued that.
Anyhow...my "thoughts" for xmas for my son & his GF this year are: bus passes for 1 or 2 mos for each of them. They both are on the suboxone program but can take a bus to get their daily doses. They have a car, but no winter tires and last I knew, insurance was ready to lapse mid-month. The car also requires gas, obviously, but I am not providing gas money. I see the bus passes as a better alternative (and cheaper). The other idea would be a laundry basket containing household items which foodstamps don't cover, such as basic essentials: laundry soap, dish detergent, shampoo, soap, household cleaners, paper towels, toilet paper, diapers, etc.
I struggle because while I don't want to enable, I have a granddaughter who is affected in this household. If it weren't for her, I might not even consider it. As I said, I plan to do xmas gifts, as always, but am thinking the above might be more appropriate. Certainly not "fun" gifts, but that's not the point, I guess.
Thoughts? Please be fairly gentle......lol.
thanks
There's a super fine line between helping, enabling and just being a well meaning human being when it comes to addicts. Keep it simple and basic.
One last note. Bus passes good idea but around here a one month pass is resellable. Perhaps some tokens or weekly pass? They might take them to a busy station and try to resell although hopefully their habit isn't that progressed.
GOOD LUCK!
PEACE
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