waitingforhope

Unreal......this just gets better and better. So now I have a vengeful AH I'm trying to divorce. The process server called me today. Even though he's supposed to be done trying to serve AH, he received a message AH left last night stating that he got the written notice left on his mom's door and he is moving Friday and the process server can look all he wants, but he's not going to be found. I have no clue what's going on. The server told me to call him Monday. Even though he's supposed to be done, I think he's taken my AH's statement as a challenge.

Then at work today, I was notified by my payroll department my wages are going to be garnished by the IRS for a debt he didn't claim that somehow I was completely unaware of. No one of course can tell, me anything about this debt because even though it's my paycheck, he has a right to privacy during our divorce. All I could find out is that my check is being garnished because I make more than he does.

What kind of bullsh*T is this!?! Are you serious? Isn't abandoning us with all the other bills to be a meth addict and disappearing enough? Does he really want to stay married just to torture us? Who the hell does crap like this? Why would he just not go along with a divorce for a relationship he doesn't even give a crap about? This divorce should be easy. He plowed through every asset we have, there's nothing to divide. This could be done so easy and there just has to be drama doesn't there? I don't know why anything shocks me anymore.

What a pity to see a man that I had married fall so low and so far. Oh my God I'm starting to truly hate him with every bone in my body. He disgusts me. His morals and ethics don't exist anymore.

Oh Jesus surround us with protection please!

zoso77

Damn. I'm really, really sorry this has happened.

Your husband. And thousands of other men in this country that are completely consumed by their addiction. He's functionally a sociopath. He has no empathy or regard for anyone.

It shocks you because he's your husband, and when you married him, you didn't imagine in your wildest nightmares that he'd turn into what he has.

You do have a lawyer, right?

waitingforhope

My step sister is a paralegal and she works for a family lawyer. He's been advising me as to how to do this on my own. I had thought I'd do this myself because we don't have anything left. I think I'm going to have to suck it up and just hire him, mostly because maybe I'm just too emotional right now to handle this on my own. He thinks I can still get this done on my own because really it should be cut and dried. The bills will be split in half, getting him to pay his half will be a whole other issue down the road I'm sure. Of course when we go to court eventually I'll ask to be reimbursed for the debt that will be taken out of my paycheck but I'm angry that I can't get any info. Between his hospital stay and this now, it's like I have no rights as a spouse and the paperwork for the divorce have only been filed. It's not like we are divorced yet. I'm assuming he's going to ignore the bills and divorce papers I threw in the door the other day too. I'm sure insurance now won't pay his hospital bill either since he left against medical advise. I will be the lucky woman who gets to pay at least half of that now too.

The lawyer doesn't think he's moving and probably just talking out of his butt to try to wear out the process server. This is so unnecessary to create such misery to both of us. I don't see any reason to not divorce reasonably. And I thought I was acting like a mess here at times. He's just a fruit loop now.

waitingforhope

The past year it just seems like he actually ENJOYS hurting us on purpose.

biminiblue

Yeah, and they (addicts) hate themselves so much that they will do anything to make themselves feel smarter or better than someone else. They will run people all over the place and play all kinds of control games to show their "superiority." That's just how delusional they are.

Thank goodness you're on the patch to disentangle. It's not going to be fun.

zoso77

You can't expect him to be reasonable. You can't expect him to be responsible. Look at how he has conducted himself to this point. What do your eyes tell you?

Hire the lawyer and have him do the necessary dirty work. No more games. No more BS. Time to protect your best interests.

waitingforhope

Bimi he always was a bit arrogant. Now it's like x1000. He used to put down people who he felt were beneath him all the time. I hated it. Always had something to say about other people, never looked in his own backyard or took inventory. He must loathe himself. I'm tired of being bullied. I'm a grown up now. I can't take crap and overlook it like I did when I was immature and naive and obviously didn't have much self esteem that I married this piece of crap.

Refiner

Yeah, WFH, he's not "moving". He doesn't have a pot to *iss in. He's jerking EVERYONE around and will continue to do so. I sure hope you've filed something to protect him from ruining you financially. How is it you can be responsible for a dept he incurred and you knew nothing about? Is it from a credit card transaction that also has your name on the account? Get EVERYTHING out of your name! And if he forges your name to continue to incur debt on things, then it's criminal.

waitingforhope

I cancelled all known joint credit. I have no more shared bank accounts. I did all that back when we separated last year. I don't have a mortgage. After we lost our home, I got my own real estate license and "bought" my farm through a very complicated contract in which I "earn" interest in the land through my own hard work so the lawyer said there is no way he can touch that.

Any debt he incurs until we are officially divorced will be joint debt though being we are in a community property state. Unless of course, like you said he forges my name or in some other way obtains it illegally.

Update: I spoke to the IRS. Didn't mention I've filed the initial divorce papers to them, LOL. They are sending me paperwork. Said they have before but I've never seen it. AH could have possibly intercepted it. Who knows? However now that I spoke to them, I believe the debt is from 1998, before I knew my AH. He had a truck repossessed about that time period and the company sold the debt to collectors. The debt was sold multiple times but recourse had ran out due to the statute of limitations. They couldn't get him to acknowledge he owed it and I wasn't paying it once we got married because it wasn't my debt. I thought we were protected by the statute of limitations. I think the last collector wrote it off as a loss in 2010 which would have made it income for us. Apparently that's the year this claim was made. The amount he owed that I can recall and the claim made against the taxes in 2010 roughly match up from what I can remember so I'm thinking it's that. So here I am paying for a debt that was incurred by him almost 5 years before I even met him.

I'm trying to keep my head up. No matter what, I'm still better off than he is in his pitiful state.

Refiner

That is just so totally INSANE and UNFAIR! I hope you get the $ back in the divorce!

waitingforhope

If only life were fair! Maybe this is penance for having ignored the red flags I should have seen even before he was an addict. The best I can ask for now is that he pay back half to me in the divorce. It's become a shared debt because we were married at the time they claimed the loss. This is the only debt I can think of because I always did our finances during our marriage. Our other bills went paid, I made sure of that.

Let this be a lesson to our young people out there struggling with questions about their SO's. Look at me as your lesson in not going in with your eyes wide open and selling yourself short.

biminiblue

Let this be a lesson to everyone about marriage in general.



(says the 25-year-divorced-ain't-doin'-that-again-lady)

<<~~~~~~

waitingforhope

I'm too early in this game to say that I'd never marry again. In hindsight, even before he was an addict, there were things I ignored that I shouldn't have. That's my own fault. With age comes wisdom, Lol

biminiblue

Of course - I saw red flags too.

I didn't say, "I'll never marry again." I did say, "I won't go there again." The first marriage comes with a lot of idealism.

I just have a much more detailed list of what I will and won't tolerate and I haven't met the right guy. Not ruling it out, but at my age I have to be realistic, too.

glitterdeva

Just saw this - you can stop the garnishment, can you work with IRS lawyer? At least if you can talk to IRS lawyer, you can def stop this process.

My ex did this - started fighting the divorce when we have been separated, he cheated already and moved out. All of the sudden he wanted everything - kids, house, etc. Stay strong, this too shell pass. I look at it now and cannot believe how bad it was then.

Hawks

"His morals and ethics don't exist anymore."

You've got the best answer right there.

God bless you and the kids

hopeful4

I am so sorry this is happening. Just offering up a huge hug, know that were are here with you.

XXX

Chillly

He wants revenge on you because he is a dick.

waitingforhope

Well I'm on the search for a lawyer that's an even bigger one Chilly! Stay tuned!