People who tell me my filing for divorce are making me angry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
Yes Hopeful I have done the same thing. I just keep praying to God that he keeps my heart open to receiving His messages and that He grants me wisdom to recognize when I'm struggling against His will.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by waitingforhope 
On another forum, I received a bit of a scolding from some addicts about filing for divorce. Basically telling me that leaving him will make him worse,
Even a lady at church implied that my lack of regular attendance recently over the past couple months contributed to my husband being overcome with demons.
Even a lady at church implied that my lack of regular attendance recently over the past couple months contributed to my husband being overcome with demons.
And Omg... I can't get the visual/audio of "The Church Lady" out of my head now LOLOLOLOL!
Hang in there. Stay strong and on track. You're doing all the right things.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Can I borrow this line?
I've had a hard and fast running budget (4 mi/day) that is DAMNED hard to stick to
come rain or shine. I'm down budget by 1 1/2 miles this week. Can I have the boards
permission to blame it on "demons" and NOT just my lazy ass??????
"Allowed demons" in?!?!?! I mean...for REAL????
In Vale's experience, the toughest talkers are the FIRST to break.
I've had a hard and fast running budget (4 mi/day) that is DAMNED hard to stick to
come rain or shine. I'm down budget by 1 1/2 miles this week. Can I have the boards
permission to blame it on "demons" and NOT just my lazy ass??????
"Allowed demons" in?!?!?! I mean...for REAL????
In Vale's experience, the toughest talkers are the FIRST to break.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
Hi Waiting for Hope,
Just wanted to let you know that i see your story as inspirational. I admire your fortitude and see it is an example for those of us who haven't quite worked up the nerve to do what you've done. Good for you.
Just wanted to let you know that i see your story as inspirational. I admire your fortitude and see it is an example for those of us who haven't quite worked up the nerve to do what you've done. Good for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by zoso77
Well, I can understand why it would.
The issue I take with people who talk about marriage vows in the way that you describe above -- in sickness and in health -- is they conveniently overlook that the addict is sick because of their ultimately selfish and poor choices. To pick up to begin with is an incredibly poor decision. To sustain the addiction at the expense of everything else is selfishness at its worst.
Marriage vows only work if both parties are playing by the same set of rules. And in your case, your AH has been playing by his own rules that have undercut the viability of the marriage.
I mean, really? If people really want to hang their hats on in sickness and in health under these circumstances, it says more about their cognitive dysfunction than it does your moral compass.
The issue I take with people who talk about marriage vows in the way that you describe above -- in sickness and in health -- is they conveniently overlook that the addict is sick because of their ultimately selfish and poor choices. To pick up to begin with is an incredibly poor decision. To sustain the addiction at the expense of everything else is selfishness at its worst.
Marriage vows only work if both parties are playing by the same set of rules. And in your case, your AH has been playing by his own rules that have undercut the viability of the marriage.
I mean, really? If people really want to hang their hats on in sickness and in health under these circumstances, it says more about their cognitive dysfunction than it does your moral compass.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
On another forum, I received a bit of a scolding from some addicts about filing for divorce. Basically telling me that leaving him will make him worse, never mind the fact that us, his family hasn't heard from him since I found out about his use. Never mind about what is best for my kids or I.
I was the world's biggest codie at one time and I would wrap myself in the kindness of people who said that my son "needed" me to stick by him no matter what, or those who suggested how "lucky" he was to have a caring mother like me who would do "anything" for him. Balderdash! This codie's enabling could have killed her addicted son and it almost killed her.
My point is, be true to yourself, be true to what you know is right and stand for your values and choices...even if you stand alone. Because when you do what you know is right in your heart, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks or does or if they stand with you or walk away. It's a wonderful lesson of recovery to be able to think independently and make decisions that are in our own best interest (and best interest of children when that applies) without fear of what anyone thinks.
Gee, that's a lot of words to say I support what you are doing and don't worry so much.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
Thanks Sauerkraut, that's super sweet and encouraging for me to hear. I'm touched to know that people are following my journey through the lows and highs. I really appreciate that people here have my back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
In reality it doesn't matter how others judge. You need to do what is best for you. I remember when I filed my sister in law was angry with me. SHE felt I should of stayed in the marriage. I was shocked and hurt by her anger. BUT, the best thing I ever did was file for divorce and get out of being treated like crap. You have no control over the addiction. You shouldn't feel like you need to stay to keep him healthy. You need to take care of yourself. People will always judge.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
Thank you! I think my girls and I are doing a pretty good job of hanging in there. Sometimes we have a couple of set backs but that's to be expected under the circumstances. I'm not so worried anymore what people think. In fact, I'm sick of hiding under a rock so when people ask about my husband, I made a decision I'm going to tell the truth. So I've been telling people basically "well he left the hospital against medical advice and I found out he's meth addict and he got mad and now he's disappeared and I filed for divorce". The reactions I get are truly picture worthy.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
