What Enabling Can Do
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
[QUOTE=thequest;5006367]It's funny how some people seem to compartmentalize & minimize enabling or manipulative behavior.
It's amazing how the addict will try to rationalize THEIR needs or openly try to manipulate someone into doing what they want. One thing I noticed as well, try to avoid last minute on the spot favors because the problem one either tries to minimize the favor or say how important or desperate they are with a false urgency to their request. It's tough but you have to say no as often as possible even if it 'seems' legit or harmless.
QUOTE]
Boy is this true. No matter how I try to structure a visit with my AS when he's out in the street and make it clear about time and place and let me know what he needs....he never asks until its almost time to go. Then it's a last minute ploy to manipulate more, especially when it comes to money. I had held the little bit of money he had left and, against better judgment and advice/suggestion, went ahead an doled it out little by little. NEVER DO THIS WITH AN ADDICT BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW GOOD AN ACCOUNTANT YOU ARE YOU ARE ALWAYS WRONG AND OWE THEM MORE OR KEPT IT, OR STOLE IT.....
I have been in some stupid and dangerous situations, including giving him money and driving him to score, so he wouldn't get dope sick! then driving him back somewhere, even to my house in the past, knowing full well he is holding!!!! Just like holding his money....it's sure to come to no good....YOU JUST CAN'T REASON WITH AN ADDICT AND YOU SHOULD NEVER PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION WHERE IT'S SOME KIND OF LAST MINUTE DITCH ATTEMPT FOR HELP .....OR BETTER YET....LEARN TO STOP ENABLING ALTOGETHER. I DON'T THINK THERE IS AN INBETWEEN AFTER ALL..
It's amazing how the addict will try to rationalize THEIR needs or openly try to manipulate someone into doing what they want. One thing I noticed as well, try to avoid last minute on the spot favors because the problem one either tries to minimize the favor or say how important or desperate they are with a false urgency to their request. It's tough but you have to say no as often as possible even if it 'seems' legit or harmless.
QUOTE]
Boy is this true. No matter how I try to structure a visit with my AS when he's out in the street and make it clear about time and place and let me know what he needs....he never asks until its almost time to go. Then it's a last minute ploy to manipulate more, especially when it comes to money. I had held the little bit of money he had left and, against better judgment and advice/suggestion, went ahead an doled it out little by little. NEVER DO THIS WITH AN ADDICT BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW GOOD AN ACCOUNTANT YOU ARE YOU ARE ALWAYS WRONG AND OWE THEM MORE OR KEPT IT, OR STOLE IT.....
I have been in some stupid and dangerous situations, including giving him money and driving him to score, so he wouldn't get dope sick! then driving him back somewhere, even to my house in the past, knowing full well he is holding!!!! Just like holding his money....it's sure to come to no good....YOU JUST CAN'T REASON WITH AN ADDICT AND YOU SHOULD NEVER PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION WHERE IT'S SOME KIND OF LAST MINUTE DITCH ATTEMPT FOR HELP .....OR BETTER YET....LEARN TO STOP ENABLING ALTOGETHER. I DON'T THINK THERE IS AN INBETWEEN AFTER ALL..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by Hope7726 
I once heard someone define enabling as "providing a comfortable environment for unacceptable behavior." I think that's pretty accurate.
Thank goodness for 9th step amends. I apologized for enabling him, among other things.
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