njw1968

My son is out of my house and his dads. Only 18. I'm feeling hopeless and really need to hear some positive things. It's sounding like most addicts just suffer this horrific evil curse for the rest of their lives. Any miracle stories would be appreciated. Thanks

bookreader

hey - my son has been battling this thing for about four years now... to be honest he was saved by jail and then methadone. I know many people will say methadone is still using, but it stopped his craving, stealing, lying, - he is going to college, working a job. He knows that he will taper off the methadone when he is ready. It really gave him a chance to get some kind of control.
this is a really good place to get help, support, and sometimes a kick in the butt about what we parents need to think about.
b.

allforcnm

My qualifier here is my husband. I personally have a positive outlook on recovery from addiction. My husband became addicted to pain meds after an injury and then he began using other drugs as he found a source at his office. Ended up a mess, but he quit using about 2.5 years ago... and has not looked back. He did go to non 12 step rehab, and then worked with a therapist for a long time after coming home. At this point, he lives a normal life, checks in with his therapist periodically and knows he has many treatment options available if he should ever relapse.

The links Im sharing are from the National Institute of Drug Abuse.. if you have not checked out this site I would highly recommend it.. the information they share on this site are the same things I learned from my husbands doctors. There is a lot here regarding the success of treatment, recovery rates, what relapse means, the numerous medications available to aid in recovery, info on therapies shown to be effective, the use of support groups, and the role of family... There is a whole section on the site JUST for family and friends..

Treatment and Recovery | National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA)

What to Do If Your Teen or Young Adult Has a Problem with Drugs | National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA)

Principles of Effective Treatment | National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA)

Im very sorry for what you are going through as a parent... the situation was very difficult to deal with in regards to my husband, but we also have a young son and I just cant fathom the thought. My prayers are with you family.

qwer1234

njw,

My qualifier is that the recovered addict is my xH too. He lost custody of his kids, lost his marriage, medical license, job. He finally got sober when his father stopped enabling after our divorce.

He's been sober five years. Still attends AA regularly. Got sober without detox and rehab but AA and counseling. He has his medical license back, practices, submits to drug and alcohol testing at work and is active in the local health providers AA groups. He has worked hard to repair damage. He estimates that he tried more than 10 times half heartedly before he finally surrendered and committed. He tells me now that anytime I tried to "help", he would decide that I wasn't going to tell him what to do and he'd make sure that he wasnt clean and dry just to get at me trying to "control his life."

Recovery is possible...but a person has to hit bottom and every bottom is different. M xH tells me it's really about surrender....that an addict has to be willing to surrender everything.

I am so very sorry for you and your family. It's a terrible place for a parent to be especially when there are younger siblings. As parents we want very much to be fair and treat our children alike, but that's impossible when one of them is a threat. Even though your daughter may seem to be weathering this, I'd encourage counseling for her as well.

Stay stong njw....one day at a time and if that's too much take it one hour at a time.

qwer

zoso77

I feel the thing you need to shoot for, Njw, is for yourself to recover whether your son is using or not. And I believe 100% that for the loved ones of addicts, recovery happens for us when we decide it will happen. It is a choice.

Now, that doesn't mean it's easy, because it's not.

My heartache with my AXGF doesn't remotely compare to yours with your son. But two days after my AXGF saved her most sadistic act for last, I woke up, got out of bed, and decided enough was enough. I simply told myself that I was going to get through this and do what was necessary to make sure that happened.

Granted, moving on from an addicted girlfriend is a hell of a lot easier than wrestling with the pain of having an addicted child. But the underlying principles are the same; we decide we will recover, we weather the ensuing emotional storm, and we work hard on mending ourselves.

So, you can do this. But if you want to get to a place where you're healthy, you're going to have to let go of your son and sit with all of those nasty feelings -- fear, anger, etc. It's not going to be easy.

Then again, the things that are worth doing are seldom easy.

Txhelp

YES! I believe there is always hope. I have 2 young adults that have drug problems. My son (25) is currently in a 6 month program at Salvation Army. My daughter (20) has been sober for 4 months. My husband is in recovery, after a relapse last year...he was previous sober for 12 years and now, again, for 1 year.

I think zozo mentioned taking care of you....no matter if they are sober or not. I totally 100% agree. The fact is that even IF they get sober, they may not stay sober.

Hindsight, I wish I had set my boundaries early with my son. Reality was it took about 5 years....where I slowly back myself in a corner and left myself no choice.

It's horrible, this disease, and I pray for you and yours.

BeavsDad

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...re-hope-2.html

atalose

There are a number of wonderful people on these forums who are shining examples of recovery.

And when your son wants it he will seek it and prayers for hope that he embraces it.

And until that day happens, stick around and learn as much as you can about addiction and how you can help you find your way through his addiction.

((hugs))

heartcore

I'm from the alcoholism side of this forum, and there are many folks who do recover and lead meaningful lives. I don't know statistics and percentages, but I do know that many attempt recovery multiple times before they succeed, some never do, and many become clean and sober for the rest of their lives. In my aa meetings, I've seen folks celebrate recovery birthdays for 25 years, 30 years...

I suggest the "Stories of Recovery" section of the forum if you are looking for true stories of recovery. It is in the "all about recovery" section, right above the Alcoholism forum. There are some very hopeful and very inspiring stories there.

In this forum I think you'll mostly get support for living your life fully, regardless of what direction your son chooses for his own. This is a whole recovery in itself. My 22 year old daughter is an addict, and learning to balance my love for her with boundaries in the relationship has been challenging. I have grown tremendously inside working through our relationship, learning to be self-protective, while granting her the freedom to live her life in her own way, even if that is frightening to me.

The basic truth is that you cannot stop a loved one from using or drinking. You can offer them recovery (for example, my daughter knows that if and when she chooses in-patient treatment, I will make it happen, but she is also clear that she does not yet choose this). Once they are in recovery - if they make that choice - you can support them in ways that feel authentic to you and do not impose on your own boundaries. That's about it. For now, I am in regular contact with my daughter, she knows that I love her, and I have not had her in my home for quite a while.

But yes, many do make it. And I believe that it is fine to have that hope within (because we want the best for those we love) as long as we keep the realization that we have absolutely no control over that outcome.

I wish the best for you. I know firsthand how difficult it is to have your "baby" in danger, real danger, and not be able to save them. But, that is this experience. It is what we are faced with.

Please throw your energy into your own recovery within this experience. It will grant you inner strength and a degree of serenity no matter what happens.