Cannot take much more

Old 12-16-2014, 12:28 AM
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Isn't it a pisser that they play such a huge part in creating drama then they want out because of it.
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Old 12-16-2014, 12:30 AM
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And telling you about divorce over text ugh. He's doing you a favor as your better off without him
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Old 12-16-2014, 05:59 AM
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Dear SR,
Today my son turns 16!
This teenager has watched so much, at his tender age,
watched his
sisters fall to drugs and watched as they crawled back out of that deep hole,
and watched
how he and his parents were lied to, stolen from and manipulated at,
and watched
how his parents had lost that last brick that held his world together, all the
while being put right in the middle of addictions wrath.
But, God, his HP, had been and will continue to watch over him, comfort
him and guide him down the path towards happiness, health and hope.
Our son is a survivor of what addiction had tried to do to him and his family.
He survived intact, but not alone. He has accepted support and stayed
positive.
I looked for the good that came out of addictions unwelcome intrusion
into our family and found this teenager, a child who gave me sweet hope
and the courage to stay in today and not hold onto the past or obsess
over tomorrow. He IS a gift from God.
SR members and lurkers, look around you for the gifts that addiction
hasn't touched or taken away.
Gifts that have survived intact, a healthy glorious "normal" gift.
They are there...waiting for you to enjoy and appreciate them.
TF
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Old 12-16-2014, 07:16 AM
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Great post TF, you are so right! I have many blessing that addiction CANNOT take away from me or my girls.

Happy Birthday to your son! I hope you both have a wonderful and blessed day!
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Old 12-19-2014, 09:01 AM
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Dear SR,
This time of year is especially difficult for us mommas and friends of addicts to
enjoy, alone.
I have been reading posts from members who so desperately IMO, want to stay
with their active addict...to be a family, a father, mother or friend. And at Christmas,
the thought of being by myself, alone, is frightening. To survive this festive
season, without being a walking stressball...it will feel like torture....but I remember
back, it WAS like torture living with an active addict and/or someone in denial or
blaming everyone else for their problems.
I've accepted that it is what it is. Nothing more or nothing less. It's gonna be hard, it's gonna hurt and I'm gonna cry. But I will be safe, not a doormat, and I am positive.
People will call and wish me Merry Christmas, this will keep
me busy, my children are excited about the holiday and are not all caught up in the
pressure of being a "family" that is toxic or has failed. My family is broken. My husband
has left. But I have blessings, like the love of a child, my dogs faithful look
or the smile of a stranger that a "partner" could never give to me.
I will be "alone" this year but I won't be by myself, I will have my strength my health, blessings and sweet hope, and of course my SR family to read and chat with.
Sometimes we have a choice, but this year I didn't. But it's ok, I'm healthy, alive and
next Christmas, I will reflect back and realize that the right decision was made.
This was a very stressful year!
TF
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Old 12-19-2014, 02:04 PM
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TF--I will be available on Christmas Day--my oldest daughter called and has planned the day for us as her son (my grandson) is 4 and she wants us there to open gifts and to do 'something' fun--my two middle children are spending their days with significant others (oldest daughter is the family 'voice' right now and that is fine and as it should be--although I really feel irritable on everyone telling their Dad everything and he doesn't pass anything along--he has always been that way--all 40 years...so I know that it is because there is just so much out of my control--everything? I did make one statement--she is cooking dinner and loves ham...I just told her that I have always loved stuffing and that with Christmas so lean this year...it will be hard with the extreme menu change...and then I told her I would compromise...had already agreed with husband to get 2 meals to go from a restaurant...so need to think on that...even though things are so tight...am managing on such a shoestring that I am triggering childhood deprivation buttons around food and electricity--having enough...so working on that. My meeting last night was good and so glad that I had it...it was good to be able to share and be in a meeting and to listen to the other shares...everybody always seems so articulate to me...but I have learned to just blurble (& to be more concise than in prior years -- have a long way to go) and then let the share go...so that part was good.

I will be available for parts of Christmas day...you are not alone...I am trying to get over the isolating I am doing--my program at the health care place is helping and I will have a therapy appt on the 24th...and that will be good.

Take care of you...
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Old 12-19-2014, 08:30 PM
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Dear IrisGardens and all the others needing something to do...
Maybe us ladies can go Duck hunting?
Hee Hee, just LOVE LOVE LOVE that Duck!
TF
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Old 12-20-2014, 12:03 PM
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:-) Good one, TF!
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Old 12-21-2014, 06:00 AM
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TF you may not be with your husband this Christmas but you will certainly not be alone. Before you kow it a blessed baby will be born into your family and bring so much joy!
Thank you so much for your Christmas wishes to my family.
In the beginning, all I could concentrate on was my addicted son. My other two were pushed to the side while their father and I obsessed and worried 24/7 over our addict son. It wasn't on purpose but it wasn't fair either. How blessed are we to have this knowledge we gained through SR that we have so much more in our lives and we have things to be thankful for despite our trials and heartaches? I wish you much love, peace and joy this week, Christmas day and for the new year TF. XO
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Old 12-21-2014, 05:38 PM
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Dear SR and all the cyber family members and lurkers!
Poor Vale, we do LOVE to pick on him, don't we? He's such a wise old Duck...he knows
us well and what we are going thru...he went thru it too.
As these days draw closer to Xmas I find my heart aching for the olden days, the familuar
ones of Christmas past, longing for the memories. My minds knows, all to well what
my heart is going to do...live in the past...but the strength I do have, reminds me and
PULLS me in to TODAY.
Our hearts are so fragile right now, after months and years of exposure to so many sad
and painful emotions, I feel myself looking for some stability, some quiet peace...
I want to crawl under a rock and quiet this pain, to find the answer to set me free
from this heartache. Even today in church, as I sat alone, surrounded by my trusted friends and guided by my HP...I felt myself quietly weeping...not caring who saw me. I think
seeing so many "happy" couples, smiling, worshiping together, my heart is so sad and
maybe God showed me, that it's ok, I could let go.
I did and it hurt, but no one can live a life that has no health, no trust, no peaceful existence. So, I let go of my 30yr old dream, not the memories,
but the dream of a future together with a man I still felt love for.
Am I being selfish? Is loving "myself" more than this man a bad thing? Well, if it
is, than so be it, I'm selfish. My kids need their momma back, "I" need myself back.
Like NAB said, concentrate all this energy on what I have control over, the blessings
that I'm surrounded with, the joy and love that's been waiting for me.
Most of all, the hope. I've never waived that good bye, and "hope" always stayed near.
Again, SR, thank you for the lessons learned. The education and not giving up on me.
I'm smiling...I'm thinking about how much better 2015 can and will be!


Merry Christmas SR! My cyber family who believes in me!
Love,
TF
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Old 12-22-2014, 01:44 AM
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>>>>My cyber family who believes in me!<<<<<<

Yes, Twofish. We do.

P.S. It's OK to pick on the duck...........he can take it!
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Old 12-23-2014, 09:48 AM
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Dear SR,
Christmas is getting closer, the tears want to fall out, and I want to fix what has been broken...we all know that can't happen. I really hate that this is happening during
the holidays...I really hate this disease.
But I DO realize that this could of happened, the addiction fall outs,
on any day, that is a fact..and
What I do have control over is my anger and sadness and how I will handle it.
I can chose to be positive and NOT let addiction ruin everything around me.
That's it! That is what my Christmas gift to
myself will be,...to have control and take care of me, keep busy, love my family and
keep the hope alive.
I only wish it wouldn't hurt so much, so intensely and so often...time will heal
all wounds I've been told and will believe in!
Thank you SR cyber family!
TF
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Old 12-23-2014, 10:45 AM
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TF--time will heal and you do your work so faithfully--I am always inspired to hang on for yet another day in the hopes that my recovery will get stronger with enough time and patience and practice.

As I walk through this particular time...it has been a different Christmas on many many levels from the 38 that I had before moving to Chile to regroup financially with husband 2 years ago. Now, he is back...we are restarting many things...and our adult children are moving forward in their own lives and being adults (God Bless them!) and so even though we are not spending the 'day' with all of them (possibly 1 or 2) and even though I am not the 'center' of the communication loop anymore (as the caretaker/organizer mom)--I am looking for the new positives and am very aware that some of them already exist just pending me reframing what I am seeing. Our family life has been one of 25 years of constant and massive work to raise our children in the best way each of us and us together knew how to do. It is very unclear what the future holds...so staying very much in today...and also working on gratitude for what I can be grateful for...as well as acknowledging the hurt, uncertainty and fear...rather than trying to jump over it into some 'new' fix that actually is probably me just trying to escape the emotional pain. Also working to not disassociate as I learned a few years back was my primary coping mechanism from childhood but which no longer worked 8-10 years after my child passed and I could no longer stuff the pain and just work and do and not feel...my body was good to me...and brought my emotions back in the right time and although I hated going through all of what came back (kind of like the parted red sea falling back in in the Hollywood movie)--and I choose to believe that having gone through what we have chosen to go through with and around our kids has brought us to more mature places within ourselves. It is an adjustment with husband back after 7 months...had no clue before he went how much of an absence that really was...so being patient...working on positive and compassionate communication with him and all family members...and getting through the holidays...
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Old 12-26-2014, 03:36 PM
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Dear SR.,
I'm sure you're all dying to know how my day in the life of Codie addiction went...
Well, I didn't cry or obsess over the fact I was away from my children.
It did hurt, I was lonely and I longed to recreate the memories of Christmas pasts...
but I did feel and see how my parents tried to comfort and love their child (me,
and I'm old!) they did have some success in distracting me! They tried, I think ANY
parent that sees their child in emotional pain will try almost anything to ease their suffering.
When I was asked to say the Christmas prayer, I did thank God for the
blessings he has given us and thanked God for the meal and for the path he will lead
us all on, as our lives continue.
Not one tear fell out of my eyes yesterday.
I wasn't alone, I was sad, but I wasn't alone. SR. (Vale) was right...I am not
alone. And I wasn't!
Life went on yesterday.
TF
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Old 12-26-2014, 05:41 PM
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Thank you for the update Twofish. We never stop worrying about our children no matter how old they are as proved yesterday by your parents. How sweet that they care so much about your happiness and well being. A wonderful gift.
Though there are still struggles and still tough times, I look back at where we all were a year ago and thank God there have been improvements, many for some of us!
I find whenever I go to church I cry. I am emotional and many things hit me.
I wish true blessings on you TF! XO
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Old 12-26-2014, 05:48 PM
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Twofish, you are FANTASTIC, rootin for ya.

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