Wife got her two year chip....
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
Wife got her two year chip....
It can get rough here for those looking for hope that their beloved alcoholic will get well. You don't arrive here after googling "joys of living with a raging alcoholic" probably.
When I arrived three years ago I was not finding it joyful. Saturday night was birthday night for Poh. The first year chip took two tries after a slip nine months in but year two was much better.
I don't participate much in her AA stuff any longer, bambam is too big now to be quiet so three nights per week I make sure I am home in time for her to hand me the little man and go to her meetings.
I wasn't much for alanon, but if you are on the roller coaster go try it. I was actually a bit pissed off when my beloved went through a cycle of wanting me to twelve step like her and I think it's a great thing but I work long hours, take daddy duty gladly so she can do her thing and frankly I just have other stuff to do - step one doesn't apply to me and life is pretty serene. Poh probably spends 5 hrs per day between meetings, sponsoring others, talking to her sponsor, doing her service work - tonight she is updating the monthly board since they were looking for volunteers and the board was not decorated with glitter and prettified, lol.
If you trace back to when I got here you might be surprised, no, Poh was NOT mildly addicted to alcohol. She was out of control then.
Today? We argue and fuss like any married couple. I think maybe two arguments lasted more than an hour the past six months, none stand out.
We have a quiet life, a healthy baby and his big sis started college.
Not much to say really, trying to bore you into seeing that life can return to normal and keep right on going to happy and serene. There are cynics who will say "yeah, she will relapse and break your heart". Yeah ok, heard that the first 397 times. Choose not to think about **** that hasn't happened. Odds say you are right but we will see. If it happens I will assess the situation and figure it out... Meanwhile I choose to enjoy being happy and married to my sweet bride. I thank her every day for being alive, happy and mine.
For those who have an alcoholic who is trying to get sober, birthday night at aa is something we never missed for a year. You see 5-6 at one year, 2-3 at 2 then it trails off 8. Then 12, then 25 then 40... Last weekend a got an 11 year chip - his SECOND 11 year chip. Folks like that show you that it can be done and that if they relapse they can start over.
For those whose alcoholic isn't trying to stop I feel for you, not much you can do about that but don't let yourself fall for the trap of feeling like it is hopeless. If you are still there then it is because you choose to be. Maybe tomorrow you will choose not to be but you choose every day. That isn't to say you chose the problem, just to remind you that you can choose to change your situation. If you say you can't leave due to money or this or that... No, you can, you just choose not to because for now you are not ready and tomorrow you may choose differently or not but either way it's important to retain that freedom in your mind.
I am glad I chose to marry my wife knowing what I was getting into and glad I went in with the simple premise that I refuse to live with ACTIVE alcoholism and my wife says she wasn't ready to dry up until the night I dropped her shivering still 3am at her brothers and told her I loved her enough to be here if she chose recovery but lived her too much to watch her die if she did not and when she spoke the other night she said it isn't fear of alcohol that keeps her sober, it is fear of losing us because she can't use and be mommy and wife. If she relapses she would need to get help or pack or else I would and she knows it... It isn't a threat, just an understanding.
Meanwhile... I don't fear that because I don't waste time thinking about what I can't control. I do my best to provide her with the love, security and support to make it easier to stay well but I butt out and let her deal with that.
Hang in there. If I don't hang around long I will be back in a year. Love and appreciate the good souls here just don't think about the tough times much these days. Focused on building better replacement memories.
When I arrived three years ago I was not finding it joyful. Saturday night was birthday night for Poh. The first year chip took two tries after a slip nine months in but year two was much better.
I don't participate much in her AA stuff any longer, bambam is too big now to be quiet so three nights per week I make sure I am home in time for her to hand me the little man and go to her meetings.
I wasn't much for alanon, but if you are on the roller coaster go try it. I was actually a bit pissed off when my beloved went through a cycle of wanting me to twelve step like her and I think it's a great thing but I work long hours, take daddy duty gladly so she can do her thing and frankly I just have other stuff to do - step one doesn't apply to me and life is pretty serene. Poh probably spends 5 hrs per day between meetings, sponsoring others, talking to her sponsor, doing her service work - tonight she is updating the monthly board since they were looking for volunteers and the board was not decorated with glitter and prettified, lol.
If you trace back to when I got here you might be surprised, no, Poh was NOT mildly addicted to alcohol. She was out of control then.
Today? We argue and fuss like any married couple. I think maybe two arguments lasted more than an hour the past six months, none stand out.
We have a quiet life, a healthy baby and his big sis started college.
Not much to say really, trying to bore you into seeing that life can return to normal and keep right on going to happy and serene. There are cynics who will say "yeah, she will relapse and break your heart". Yeah ok, heard that the first 397 times. Choose not to think about **** that hasn't happened. Odds say you are right but we will see. If it happens I will assess the situation and figure it out... Meanwhile I choose to enjoy being happy and married to my sweet bride. I thank her every day for being alive, happy and mine.
For those who have an alcoholic who is trying to get sober, birthday night at aa is something we never missed for a year. You see 5-6 at one year, 2-3 at 2 then it trails off 8. Then 12, then 25 then 40... Last weekend a got an 11 year chip - his SECOND 11 year chip. Folks like that show you that it can be done and that if they relapse they can start over.
For those whose alcoholic isn't trying to stop I feel for you, not much you can do about that but don't let yourself fall for the trap of feeling like it is hopeless. If you are still there then it is because you choose to be. Maybe tomorrow you will choose not to be but you choose every day. That isn't to say you chose the problem, just to remind you that you can choose to change your situation. If you say you can't leave due to money or this or that... No, you can, you just choose not to because for now you are not ready and tomorrow you may choose differently or not but either way it's important to retain that freedom in your mind.
I am glad I chose to marry my wife knowing what I was getting into and glad I went in with the simple premise that I refuse to live with ACTIVE alcoholism and my wife says she wasn't ready to dry up until the night I dropped her shivering still 3am at her brothers and told her I loved her enough to be here if she chose recovery but lived her too much to watch her die if she did not and when she spoke the other night she said it isn't fear of alcohol that keeps her sober, it is fear of losing us because she can't use and be mommy and wife. If she relapses she would need to get help or pack or else I would and she knows it... It isn't a threat, just an understanding.
Meanwhile... I don't fear that because I don't waste time thinking about what I can't control. I do my best to provide her with the love, security and support to make it easier to stay well but I butt out and let her deal with that.
Hang in there. If I don't hang around long I will be back in a year. Love and appreciate the good souls here just don't think about the tough times much these days. Focused on building better replacement memories.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so glad that this worked out so well for all of you. Many do recover and many do hang on to sobriety for life.
It sounds like your family is happy today and that is a beacon of light for anyone who is grasping for hope.
I am glad you shared.
Hugs
It sounds like your family is happy today and that is a beacon of light for anyone who is grasping for hope.
I am glad you shared.
Hugs
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