KeepinItReal

This is the shittiest thing he could have done. What a hurtful person! It's so hard to accept that someone can love drugs more than US. Like, wtf???????? You are not alone.

Hawkeye13

Hi James;
I just wanted to send you a virtual hug and to let you know you aren't alone.

I'm sorry he has behaved in such a terrible way--you deserve so much more in a life partner.

Move on as best you can and as room opens up in your heart, may it be filled by someone worthy of your love.

zoso77

James,

As I've been gently trying to tell you for months, it's over.

He does not want to be in a relationship with you. His actions have proven this to you time and time again.

Whether the marriage is "real" or not is not relevant.

You have a choice right now. You can either keep spinning your wheels and stay stuck, or you can move on with your life and get become a more healthy person.

Right now, you're not healthy. The fact that you're still holding on to a sick, f*cked up person shows that. Unless you let go of him, you will never heal. Healing is a choice. And so is staying stuck.

Take care of you.

waitingforhope

James what is going to be your rock bottom to disengage and detached yourself from this person who is so obviously unhealthy for you? Why do you not think you are worthy of so much more than what you are accepting to be handed to you? Take that love your giving the addict and turn it on yourself. Do your own homework. Something is compelling you to stay in this situation and it's clearly very unhealthy for you. You have to hold your own hand now and lead yourself where ever it is that's necessary to get the help you need to let go of him. That's your job now. This person you are holding onto is an empty shell. His soul has left him and there is nothing to give you. Your getting stuck in your grief process. You need help to get out of it. The same way we should hold our addicts for being accountable in their decisions, we have to be accountable for helping ourselves. You can get past this, you just have to want it more than anything and then take the steps necessary to make that happen. You can do it.

NotSoSmart

You mentioned his mother, so I am assuming you have contact with her. Perhaps the "family heirlooms" could be returned to her. They do need to be out of your possession and if they belong to the family then his mother can take possession.

My ex left 2 months ago and will still try to nickel and dime me for stuff (that isn't even hers). I set a boundary with her that enough was enough; she left and at this point anything she didn't take is no longer hers. I do not run a storage facility. I'm an animal lover, but cats/dogs still count legally as "stuff" so if he left it 4 months ago, no longer his.

The greater issue is your need to get over this guy. work on you... go to as many meetings as you can, get a sponsor. If there aren't as many NarAnon meetings, consider Al Anon ones. Consider counseling. When things were bad I broke my day into one hour at a time rather than a whole day, b/c i couldn't handle 24 hours. Whatever it took to get my mind off her and what she was doing or her motives.

Vale

The cat doesn't need any of this crap. Protect it.