denphen

My husband is a recovering addict on suboxone and dr had prescribed him adderall for adhd and ow switched his meds clearly he's not getting the same effects now he's very irritable and grumpy but beyond the normal spectrum of a normal bad day.....kinda day where he will say and do anything to hurt me cuz when he's hurting he wants everyone else too.

hopeful4

Misery loves company. From what I hear withdraw is very tough, do you have somewhere you could go for a bit just to get away and breathe for a time? Or does he?

denphen

Not really...I talk to him he yells then I stayquietandhe says guess your gonna sit there and be mad at me. I don't know how to feel or how to act and nobody to talk to

biminiblue

Yeah, you need to find a way to put some physical space between you - take a walk, go to the library, go to a movie, call a friend.

I wonder if there are things about him that are good, or is it a struggle for you in general? Sounds like he enjoys keeping you off-balance.

AnvilheadII

time to leave mr grumpy pants alone - a moving target is harder to hit so don't just sit there and take his crap - SO not your job!!!!

denphen

Well I feel like at a point in time there was good things and good qualities but it's just few and far between now on good days. Perhaps before we had maybe a bad day a month or every couple weeks...now we have a good day once a month or every few weeks..or a good few hrs. I don't know anymore what's him and what's not. There is plenty physical space on a daily basis trust me. He works all day then we have a couple hrs in the evenings. On weekends if he's too mad I go outside or out or he leaves. Even when we are on the same room we aren't really together he's always distant and the when he feels like being in a good mood I'm so mentally drained from keeping up with the other says that I feel like i wanna talk but know I can't cuz that would turns good day to bad. And it's hard to let go of the bad feelings.

AnvilheadII

denphen, hon, EVERY day should be a good day. we shouldn't have to try and mark their brief passing on a calendar to keep track of them. we shouldn't live in fear of doing or saying the wrong thing and making it all fall down.

right now HE is the center of the universe and everything hinges on his moods, his bad days, his....whatever.

you aren't some satellite orbiting around him in a sad lonely chuck of space. you deserve every good thing, every good day, to speak freely, and live in comfort in your own home.

hopeful4

Get thyself to a Naranon meeting...pronto. You need a face to face support system. That would help, I promise.

denphen

My dad has been an alcoholic my whole life I moved out at 18 to get away from him and my first husband whom I married young was physically abusive...in a way it felt still the lesser of two evils...after that when I got divorced and remarried only to discover I married an addict along with what I'm certain has potential to be an alcoholic I feel like I can't bring myself to say I have a third failed attempt at life. It hurts to know I've spent 30 yrs trying to be enough for someone only to be abused mentally and physically and tossed around depending on their moods. I don't have the energy to fight it anymore or care.

biminiblue

denphen, that doesn't sound like a relationship, let alone a marriage.

Have you thought about where else you might live?

Has he ever hit you, pushed you, choked you, anything physical at all?

denphen

No he's ever been physical. im a stay at home mom so it's not like I can just walk away without planning it out. And I don't have family because of my dad's alcoholism.

hopeful4

You need to do some work on you and figure out why you are allowing this behavior and drawn to this type of person so it does not happen again in your life.

You deserve so much more. It's baby steps, but you deserve to do something about this.

denphen

i talked to a counselor once and they just looked at me and said they were in shock that there were so many layers to my problems...that makes you feel good about the situation lol

denphen

My mom started telling me about my dads problems and using me to vent about age 10 and relying on me to be strong for her and it caused me to never feel I could talk about my own feelings. At 14 my dad told me to go away out of his site simply because he was tired of looking at me and said it with a smile. At 16 he was mad at me for something and after picking me up from school drove about 40 miles over the speed limit and each time I tried to say slowdown he would go faster and told me unless I wanted to die I better shut up. I told my mom and she said I needed to learn to not push him. When my ex husband beat me my family to,d me I chose to get married and have a child I needed to make it work. Now I would rather live in misery then ever speak

hopeful4

Getting a counselor who specializes in dealing with families with addiction can make all the difference. I did so and it really did help. For a referral you can call a local treatment center, they usually have some names.

Good luck!

denphen

It was a counselor referring from an addiction recovery dr my husband was using.

hopeful4

Hmmm...maybe try a different counselor. It really did make a huge difference in my life. It changed my perspective and made me strong enough to know no matter what happened I would deal with it, successfully, for myself and my children. It's a good thing too as I had to utilize those skills later on.

I was worth that time and effort, so are you.

denphen

I will look around.icant really afford one which so far as been my problem

hopeful4

Do check. I know here there is a place that if you cannot afford it they have a sliding scale, you can also see counselors going through their residency period for $5. I had to do that a few years ago, she was really educated and dedicated.

biminiblue

Right, like hopeful says, you have to advocate for yourself.

Keep searching for face to face support until you are on your feet emotionally. Go to Al Anon, it's free and they will help you sort through your thoughts - they've all been there. It is a free program for friends and family members of alcoholics. You need to be there.