Not exactly feeling Al Anon anymore
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Olney, MD
Posts: 268
Not exactly feeling Al Anon anymore
I don't feel like it's particularly helpful. Can't get past step one which insanely stupid and making me feel even more frustrated and bad about myself. I can't even do *this* right. God help me I don't think I can do this anymore.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I don't feel like it's particularly helpful. Can't get past step one which insanely stupid and making me feel even more frustrated and bad about myself.
So...Step 1...here's my take on it.
It is simply an acknowledgement that we are powerless over the drinking and/or drug use of a loved one. No matter what we do or say, the behavior of the alcoholic or addict does not change. And anecdotally speaking, we can prove it because we'll all here for more-or-less the same reason. Personally, I think it's liberating to admit there's nothing we can do.
Hope you stick around for a while.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
zoso77--thanks for that post...i have done step 1 a lot...over many different things...it is always a struggle to just turn it over...so terpgal spoke for me too. it helped to see what it is for you. today is a day of turning over things...again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 433
Terpgal, I'm sending you hugs. Thank you for expressing it aloud. I've been there before, too, and am sure I will be in some version of it again. It happens to me now and then, but less often. When it does, I seek company and conversation with Al-Anon buddies and my sponsor. They slather on unconditional love and care that remind me of who I really am; they help me regain perspective and balance and bring me back from the edge of the black abyss. If it happens to the time a sponsee wants to meet with me, even though I might think at such times that I have nothing to give, I follow through because I'm a responsible sponsor; darned if it doesn't put me back on track; because it opens my heart and mind to loving kindness for them, which I need to find again for myself. It's also a time to give your sponsor a call and let her love you.
When I cannot reach anyone and am feeling isolated and alone, I work the program harder, do more reading and studying of program materials. If I'm too distracted or tired, I read on here at SR, do a little writing/journaling, look up a couple Step 1 readings (or look up a reading on "grief" or "anger" or "compassion" or whatever it is) in one of the daily readers. Just a few moments can help.
Another thing I'm trying to practice and learn to do more frequently/deeply is to stay with the feelings, ask myself about the feelings and thoughts I'm having and just sit with them, write them, ask "what's this about?;" make guesses when I don't know. Usually I find there is something I need to grieve or a resentment/anger I need to process; I need to let myself feel how bad it is, and when I give myself the time to mourn, I move through it. It makes room for awareness, acceptance and healing/letting go.
Wow, I needed to hear this today. I've been in a miserable place lately - of second guessing myself and the Al-Anon work I've done for many years, wondering if it's only enabled me to put up with emotional pain and to continue unconsciously enabling others. ... I've had a couple big losses of loved ones in recent weeks and suspect I'm having some fallout from those. I need to be still and let the feelings come; practice the trust and faith of the first three Steps; do a little 4th Step work on some of it, call my sponsor or someone else in the program; it will return me to sanity as it always has.
Good luck to you and best wishes on the journey. Stick with it. It will work if you work it :-). Thanks again for putting it out here.
When I cannot reach anyone and am feeling isolated and alone, I work the program harder, do more reading and studying of program materials. If I'm too distracted or tired, I read on here at SR, do a little writing/journaling, look up a couple Step 1 readings (or look up a reading on "grief" or "anger" or "compassion" or whatever it is) in one of the daily readers. Just a few moments can help.
Another thing I'm trying to practice and learn to do more frequently/deeply is to stay with the feelings, ask myself about the feelings and thoughts I'm having and just sit with them, write them, ask "what's this about?;" make guesses when I don't know. Usually I find there is something I need to grieve or a resentment/anger I need to process; I need to let myself feel how bad it is, and when I give myself the time to mourn, I move through it. It makes room for awareness, acceptance and healing/letting go.
Wow, I needed to hear this today. I've been in a miserable place lately - of second guessing myself and the Al-Anon work I've done for many years, wondering if it's only enabled me to put up with emotional pain and to continue unconsciously enabling others. ... I've had a couple big losses of loved ones in recent weeks and suspect I'm having some fallout from those. I need to be still and let the feelings come; practice the trust and faith of the first three Steps; do a little 4th Step work on some of it, call my sponsor or someone else in the program; it will return me to sanity as it always has.
Good luck to you and best wishes on the journey. Stick with it. It will work if you work it :-). Thanks again for putting it out here.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It took me forever to "get" Step 1 and it's one I return to often. It's the basis for the other steps and every time I tried to skip over it, I would stumble.
It turned out I was trying too hard. All Step 1 meant, to me, was that I acknowledged that nothing I did, nothing I said, nothing I begged, yelled or manipulated...gave me any power at all over my son's addiction. It was simply acknowledgement that I was truly powerless over him...but not over myself.
The part about "...and our lives had become unmanageable" was the easy one for me...my life had become a regular war torn circus...send in the clowns.
A simply "it's not working because I have no power over my loved one's addiction" is about all it takes. As long as you believe it.
Don't give up, you are worth whatever effort it takes to find your balance with this.
It's not for everyone but everyone I know who has done it has been happy they did.
Hugs
It turned out I was trying too hard. All Step 1 meant, to me, was that I acknowledged that nothing I did, nothing I said, nothing I begged, yelled or manipulated...gave me any power at all over my son's addiction. It was simply acknowledgement that I was truly powerless over him...but not over myself.
The part about "...and our lives had become unmanageable" was the easy one for me...my life had become a regular war torn circus...send in the clowns.
A simply "it's not working because I have no power over my loved one's addiction" is about all it takes. As long as you believe it.
Don't give up, you are worth whatever effort it takes to find your balance with this.
It's not for everyone but everyone I know who has done it has been happy they did.
Hugs
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